(Hey Mom and Jenn Kloubec! I love you!)
That is not true though.
I am no stranger to having dark days.
(I'm looking at you post-Aiden 2005 and post-Max 2015.)
I am not feeling depressed at all though. I am full functional Leslie, just a little lost.
As many of you know, Max's arrival was a complete surprise.
A complete surprise which I am eternally grateful for, but a surprise none the less.
There was a reason that Stella was to be our finale.
I was done.
I have served my time as the mom of the little ones.
I've arranged play dates in the park, joined mom's groups and attended Bible Studies for the free child care.
(And for the Jesus, but I really do remember holding a flier for the first Mom's Bible Study I ever participated in and tearing up when I saw that I all I had to do was buy my study book and then childcare was provided...for 2 hours!)
I have built train tracks and made my own play-doh and memorized the morning line up for PBS Kids. I have figured nap schedules and tricks for healthy toddler snacks and researched the best Little People toys.
I am over it.
My brain truly CAN NOT handle another kid TV show.
I have memorized the theme songs for Handy Manny, Micky Mouse Clubhouse, Sofia the First, Sid The Science Guy, and Super Why.
I do not want to know what is going on with Daniel Tiger and Paw Patrol. Just no. No.
I don't want to find myself singing their songs. This information is part of a world that I am straight up not interested in being around.
A few weeks ago I was thrown in to a high profile position for a vigorous community action campaign.
Or perhaps I posted a few things on our neighborhood FB page and hosted a meeting at my house (which I typed up talking points to discuss!) for a neighborhood school awareness situation.
Potato - Potado
(Is that even how you would type that expression? I hope you all understand.)
It felt good though. It felt really good.
I had purpose beyond the walls of this house. I was using my brain and my voice to work toward an action.
It was life giving to me.
I also was on the news for approximately 20 seconds so it played well to my need for attention.
It was less than a week of all consuming work. When it was over I was relieved to be able to get some of my daily "Mom life" tasks completed, (and get my lashes done,) but it also left me hungry for more. The end of all that hustle and doing left me feeling all that much more empty when I searched for a way to entertain Max for a few hours at the park the following week.
The intensity had been too much, but I sorely missed the task and the purpose it had provided.
A friend and I are toying with the idea of starting a restyling/decorating business. We worked together on my remodel and found we loved collaborating. She has a true talent to see a space and be able to come up with a way to make it work beautifully. Decorating is not my natural gift, but I can hang with the idea collaborating and I am great with client finding.
I also provide witty banter and snacks.
I am a real catch.
We are working with a few friends for free to see if we like it.
(No, we are not taking on any more free clients.)
I love being with my friend.
I like the work.
I'm not on fire though.
I don't feel inspired and purposeful like I want to feel.
I certainly don't think we'll be on the news anytime soon, so what's really the point?
I have a decent sized Arbonne business that is rolling along in spite of my taking time off of working that business. There is nothing that can pay me like Arbonne, truly if you need to make a lot of money and don't want to work full time you should be running to that organization.
Unfortunately, it's just not on my heart right now. It isn't speaking to me.
In some ways I wish it were.
I've prayed about this a lot lately.
I'm waiting to hear what speaks to me.
I'm mostly praying that when I do hear something it won't sound like that theme song from Paw Patrol.
I have been a full-time stay at home Mom since Aiden was born almost 11 years ago and I love that role. I know there is real value and purpose here.
I also know there are lots of ways to be an amazing Mom and I'm not sure I still need to be the one building the train tracks or grocery shopping with my 20 month old while he refuses to hold the chocolate donut I gave him.
It's gross. I realize.
This is where I am now though folks. I am doing this stuff for the fourth time and I have simply lost steam. I left this world of babies and toddlers and was pretty over the moon about it.
Max is worth being back.
Max is worth learning the theme to Paw Patrol....I just don't want to learn it.
I need a life coach.
Or a job.
Or another baby.
Call to action....Please call, text, write, or Facebook your detailed plan for my next phase in life.
I would like to be here for after school and evening time so take that in to consideration when you construct the perfect situation.
I would also like to bring in one million dollars a month and bring about world peace.
I feel so much better knowing you guys are working on this now so I can stop stressing.