Our youngest three each took turns waking us up for a variety of reasons. Stella at midnight for water, Max from 2:00 AM -3:00 AM for diaper change and snuggles, and Cole at 4:30 AM for something Alex dealt with because I wasn't coherent enough to speak.
These mornings after difficult nights have a strange cloud over them. On the one hand I am so grateful to just start the day and be done with trying to sleep, but on the other hand I'm exhausted and dragging.
It might surprise you to know that I can be a smidge cranky and short tempered with my people on these mornings.
(I know many of you only think of me as a benevolent, nurturing mother.)
(Pause for laughter.)
It's true though. I am not always the best version of myself.
It is on these days that I have to literally force myself to not snap when Stella asks me to pretend I found her in my house and I don't know who she is and she hasn't had food for days and she wants to take some and I ask her to be my little girl and ask her if she could tell me where I could find a cute baby to love.
Kill me now.
I can't even keep up with everything that's happening in these scenarios and it is very frustrating to Stella when I get the plot wrong.
Am I her Mom or did she break in to my house? Should I call the cops or CPS? Is she starving and I should feed her or does she want to try to find food? Why on Earth would I be looking for a baby?
It's just a bit much on so little sleep.
Every morning though I have a drink over ice since I loathe coffee and this morning there was ice in the ice maker. Not a lot, but enough.
Recently, our ice maker broke.
(This feels like I just totally switched topics and am confused. Perhaps I forgot that I was talking about sleep deprivation and remembered I need to call someone to fix our appliances? That is sort of how my brain operates these days, but bear with me, I have a point. I think.)
Alex is really handy with these sorts of things, making him attractive AND useful. He attempted to fix the ice maker without any success though. In our typical fashion though we didn't immediately call someone for the repair.
I would like to say we delayed because we wanted to persevere in finding a solution on our own because we are so frugal and self sufficient...but really we are just confused and couldn't make a decision about who to call or if we wanted a new fridge or what the hell was going on with any of it.
Mostly we're just tired.
About a week after the failed attempts to fix it, the ice maker worked again. There wasn't a full bin at first, but there was ice. Then it stopped working again. Then it filled to the top and stayed that way. Then there was nothing. And on it has gone for a few months now.
If you are thinking that the unpredictability of our ice maker sounds annoying, you are correct.
Despite this annoyance though, Alex and I have started to see the ice maker as a metaphor for life.
(And an unexpected source of amusement for us.)
On difficult mornings like today, the ice maker surprised me with just enough to get me through. Some days, when the ice maker is empty I have to make my own ice using ice trays (the PAIN,) or go without and be OK with no ice. When it is full and ice is plentiful we are grateful and excited, it feels like this unexpected gift we don't deserve.
Life is like our ice maker.
Some mornings just enough will be provided to get you through, some days you have to figure things out on your own, and some days things just work out and are easy and plentiful and you have to relish in the gratitude of that moment.
God takes care of the ice, even when it doesn't seem like there will ever be ice again, you have to believe that He is going to give you enough of what you need and sometimes you will feel like you've been given more than you could ever ask for at one time.
I have attempted to share this wisdom with my children but so far they really only want to know if there is ice. Yes or no. No need for a monologue on finding meaning in unexpected places.
|I like to hold the glass up (empty or full or partially filled) and give this speech to my children because it makes me feel important. As does filling and emptying ice trays.|
Can you believe how profound our ice maker is?
Does everyone have these deep thoughts about their appliances during bouts of sleep deprivation?
What is your ice maker telling you?
P.S. Magic of Tidying Up Update: Page 46...killing it*
*Or really slowly working through it in very small moments...same thing.