Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Here We Are Again

Have you seen that You Tube video going around Facebook about the real meaning of the Semisonic song Closing Time?

If not, here you go.

Watch This

So, now we're all on the same page.

February 3rd we decided we (I) had had enough of the whole carrying of the fourth child thing.  I mean, he was supposed to be early.  He was so low, I was really dilated, it was past the 40 week mark.  It was February.

He had been in there long enough.

It was time to go in after him.

Smoke him out.

It was closing time.

So a few short hours after Pitocin (I have no idea how to spell that drug, but you know what I mean,) started the smoking out process, and a few good pushes, we have....

Maxwell Keith



aka... Max.

8 lbs 4oz.  21 1/4 inches.  Lots of tongue sticking-out-ness.

He's pretty great.

He's also a newborn.

Remember newborns?

If not, let me fill you in.

You fill your days nursing them, changing their diapers, snuggling and smelling their sweet heads and forcing them to love you. They go wherever you go and sleep a lot (mostly while you hold them.)  They are the cutest, squishy, miraculous examples of your heart physically existing outside of your own body.

They are love.

Then at night they can turn on you.  They can be cruel.

They suddenly hate you and only sleep in 20 minute increments or while being held while you walk around.  You will think they are as asleep as a human can possible be without approaching death and then you spend 10 minutes extracting your body from theirs so they can lie down alone while you sleep and they will wake up screaming as if you threw them in their bed and blew a rape whistle in their ear.

WHY oh WHY is it like that?

We have also been thrown in to the world of reflux again.

It's not a fun place to be, so we're working on leaving it.

We have been to the chiropractor, we've taken probiotics, and we have reflux meds.

It's getting better.

I think.

Really it could turn at any moment though because that's the newborn sneaky way.

(My back up plan is to start using meth.  I think it keeps you up for a long time?  Maybe?  Or maybe I'm supposed to be doing cocaine? Regardless, there is surely some drug that can help me out and create new, bigger problems to distract me from the exhaustion and screaming.)

The truth is that I'm not such a great newborn Mom regardless of the situation.

Reflux just makes me even more insane.

I like a full night sleep.  I like time by myself.  I like order and productivity.  I like being dressed and functional.  I like typing with two hands instead of one like now because the other is holding a nursing baby. I like working.  I like seeing my friends.

I used to like my husband.

My very round-about point is that newborn life makes me feel trapped and unproductive and one-dimensional.

Yes, I realize these are the days.

Yes, I should cherish these moments rocking him and snuggling.

Yes, I will long for these days in the future when he won't even want to be near me.

Yes.  I know.

This is my fourth.  I know how this whole gig plays out after these first very difficult weeks.  I know my life will resume eventually...in a new and probably better way.

It's still rough.  Still leaves me feeling drained and longing for my former sense of self, for a little more freedom.

He is still the best surprise I never knew I wanted, even if he really jacks up life for a while.

So...if you need me, I'm probably at home doing this.

Trapped, but at least trapped under this.








18 comments:

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Mrs.Deborah Nikolay said...

"Love Spells That Really Work" Get Your True Love Now

Hello everyone . I am Mrs.Deborah Nikolay,43yrs old from United Kingdom,. I'm happily married to a lovely and caring husband ,with three kids. A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my husband .so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce.he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn't love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email address of the spell caster whom he visited.{nwalutaspelltemple@gmail.com}. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day.What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn't call me for the past 9 months,gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back.So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster. So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website { http://nwalutaspelltemple.blogspot.com } if you have any problem contact Chief Nwaluta Mallam Zack ,{ nwalutaspelltemple@gmail.com }, thanks you Chief Nwaluta, i will always be testifying about your good work,

Manu Mehat said...


How To Get Your Lost Husband Back

I am from New California, i want to use this medium to testify of how i got back my ex husband after divorce, i and my husband have been married for 6years with 3 kids, we have been a happy family. Last year his behaviour towards me and the kids changed, i suspected he was meeting another woman outside out marriage, any time i confronted him, he threatened to divorce me, i did all i could to make hings right but all to no avail until i saw a post on a "love and relationship forum" about a spell caster who helps people to cast spell on marriage and relationship issues, when i contacted this spell caster via email, he helped me cast a re-union spell and my husband changed and came apologising to me and the kids. Contact this great spell caster for your relationship or marriage issues via this email okosisi.temple@gmail.com all call him +2348o71223911 Goodluck

Helene Wilson said...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!! Are you having problems with your husband, wife, girl friend, boy friend or anyone and you really need such person to come back to you and to love you more than never before, Please read this amazing testimony on how i got back my husband, My name is Helene Wilson from London,Uk, I'm happily married to a lovely and caring husband with two kids. A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my husband .so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce.he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn't love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email address of the spell caster whom he visited.{Templeofloveandprosperity@gmail.com}. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day.What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn't call me for the past 9 months,gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back.So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster. So, If you have any problem contact him, I give you 100% guarantee that he will help you, Thanks to Dr Frank Ojo for bringing back my husband ,and brought great joy to my family once again, SO HERE HIS EMAIL ADDRESS { Templeofloveandprosperity@gmail.com } , Thanks you Dr Frank Ojo, i Jessie will always be testifying about your good work.

Helene Wilson said...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!! Are you having problems with your husband, wife, girl friend, boy friend or anyone and you really need such person to come back to you and to love you more than never before, Please read this amazing testimony on how i got back my husband, My name is Helene Wilson from London,Uk, I'm happily married to a lovely and caring husband with two kids. A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my husband .so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce.he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn't love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email address of the spell caster whom he visited.{Templeofloveandprosperity@gmail.com}. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day.What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn't call me for the past 9 months,gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back.So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster. So, If you have any problem contact him, I give you 100% guarantee that he will help you, Thanks to Dr Frank Ojo for bringing back my husband ,and brought great joy to my family once again, SO HERE HIS EMAIL ADDRESS { Templeofloveandprosperity@gmail.com } , Thanks you Dr Frank Ojo, i Jessie will always be testifying about your good work.

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Cassandra Dame said...

Marriage restoration..
I lost my husband to another woman 2 weeks ago after 27 years of marriage . We had a lovely marriage but he started a relationship with a co worker who chased after him . He is living away near his work and her and refuses to talk to me or to come home . I am devastated and am finding it hard to cope . I wish I did not love him and that I could move on but I can't . I don't know how to stop feeling like this I wish I didn't as its eating me away and I m starting to feel ill. I have degraded myself begging him to come home all to no avail. I became very worried and needed help. As I was browsing through the internet one day, I came across a website that suggested that Dr Frank Ojo can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he did a spell for me. tow days later, my husband came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my family are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr Frank Ojo . If you need a spell caster that can cast a spell that truly works, I suggest you contact him. He will not disappoint you. if you have any problem contact him, I give you 100% guarantee that he will help you, This is his details, E-mail: Templeofloveandprosperity@gmail.com , Web site: http://lovespell2.yolasite.com . Mobile number +2348072370762. Thank you all for reading.

Sarah Sarah said...

Glorious be Unto Dr Ukaka the great man and ever, my name is Sarah from Florida city usa. since 1 and a half year I have witness what is called heart broken. my boyfriend that promised me marriage failed me and impregnate me and leave,he dump me,he stop calling" he stop picking my calls,and he no longer respond to me. I have be looking for solution,I fall into the hands of fake spell caster,they rough me off and took my money without help.I have cried,I have weep"and tears runs out of eyes. The silentness in my heart brought me to the deepest path of failure that I lost my job. Crying all day,because of my life was lonely. So thanks to Ukaka that came into my life and brought me the greatest joy that was lost. I saw his mail while browsing and I contact and tell him what I am passing through with no doubt because what saw about him,was enough to believe. And I was given words of solution on what to do. I can't really help thinking about it I have tried to see what I can do, I manage to provide him some materials and he help me with the rest,after casting the spell, 12hrs later he came with rose on his hand and I was even about going out,i saw him in front of my door when he sees me he knee and said he is dying I should forgive him and accept him back he was crying,I can't wait to let him finish I quickly crab him and kiss him, just then" he said he is restless without me, just as the prophet has said he will be. He brought out a ring and put it on my hand. Our wedding day was scheduled,1week after we got married. today makes it 2weeks and we are living happily I don't know how to praise him enough, he has done me a thing I can never forget. And I can't really share to myself alone, I want y'all to help me praise him because if it is wasn't for him I already plan of committing suicide. But right now I am now so happy more than I was before. And you out there crying for help you've already got one,Ukaka is the man that you need in all rampart. contact his address if you need his service, freedomlovespell@hotmail.com also contact him on his web site: freedomlovespelltemple.yolasite.com

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Tucker Stacey said...

My name is Tucker Stacey.This is a very joyful day of my life because of the help Dr.Trust has rendered to me by helping me get my ex husband back with his magic and love spell. i was married for 6 years and it was so terrible because my husband was really cheating on me and was seeking for a divorce but when i came across Dr.Trust email on the internet on how he help so many people to get thier ex back and help fixing relationship.and make people to be happy in their relationship. i explained my situation to him and then seek his help but to my greatest surprise he told me that he will help me with my case and here i am now celebrating because my Husband has change totally for good. He always want to be by me and can not do anything without my present. i am really enjoying my marriage, what a great celebration. i will keep on testifying on the internet because Dr.Trust is truly a real spell caster. DO YOU NEED HELP THEN CONTACT DOCTOR TRUST NOW VIA EMAIL: Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com or call +2348156885231 or ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com. He is the only answer to your problem and make you feel happy in your relationship. his Via web sit: http://ultimatespellcast8.wix.com/ultimatespellcast


My name is Tucker Stacey.This is a very joyful day of my life because of the help Dr.Trust has rendered to me by helping me get my ex husband back with his magic and love spell. i was married for 6 years and it was so terrible because my husband was really cheating on me and was seeking for a divorce but when i came across Dr.Trust email on the internet on how he help so many people to get thier ex back and help fixing relationship.and make people to be happy in their relationship. i explained my situation to him and then seek his help but to my greatest surprise he told me that he will help me with my case and here i am now celebrating because my Husband has change totally for good. He always want to be by me and can not do anything without my present. i am really enjoying my marriage, what a great celebration. i will keep on testifying on the internet because Dr.Trust is truly a real spell caster. DO YOU NEED HELP THEN CONTACT DOCTOR TRUST NOW VIA EMAIL: Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com or call +2348156885231 or ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com. He is the only answer to your problem and make you feel happy in your relationship. his Via web sit: http://ultimatespellcast8.wix.com/ultimatespellcast

SUSAN LUTHER said...

My mouth is full of testimonies,My husband left home for two years to south Africa for a tourist, where he meant this Lady and he was bewitch by the girl my husband refuse to come back home again, i cry day and night looking for who to help me, i read a news paper about a powerful spell caster called DR Ekpiku and i contacted the spell caster to help me get my lover back to me and he ask me not to worry about it that the gods we fight for me.. he told me by mid-night when all the spirit is at rest he will cast a spell to reunite my lover back to me. and he did in less than 3 days my husband came back to me and started crying that i should forgive him, i,m so happy for what this spell caster did for me and my husband..email: Ekpikuspelltemple@live.com
(1)If you want your ex back.
(2) if you always have bad dreams.
(3)if You want to be promoted in your office.
(4)if you have a place to work and you need help
(5)If you want a child.
(6)[You want to be rich.

Jo-Anne's Ramblings said...

He is so beautiful, my eldest daughter was a nightmare baby she cried all the time I felt that she hated me and rang my mum crying that she hated me, my second daughter was 14 days overdue and I thought she was never coming out but when she did she was a dream baby slept through the night from day one was a breeze to feed and all in all great, daughter number three wasn't too bad either although she didn't sleep through till she was 3 months old

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