Monday, January 19, 2015

The Questions, The Waiting

You can't be 38 weeks pregnant without frequently being asked how you are doing. 


(Or if you've lost your mucous plug, which I will never understand being asked by people I wouldn't have on my emergency contact list.  That seems like a personal and gross question, right?  My answer to that is always no by the way.)


So, here's my answer to the how am I doing question....I'm totally over being pregnant, but I'm fine.


A little too fine.


I don't even feel that uncomfortable.  I don't feel huge.  I can walk around without too much discomfort. I am sleeping ok other than waking up to pee frequently. 


I can tie my shoes!


(If poised in the appropriate position.)


I know you are probably assuming I am super grateful about this.


Are you crazy? 


I am, of course, convinced that this lack of discomfort and gigantic size must mean that there is something wrong. I'm spending lots of time wondering what could be the cause of this issue. 


Why don't I feel horrible?  Why do my maternity shirts still mostly cover my belly?  What sort of problems could be mounting in my belly?  Why doesn't it feel like he's about to fall out when each time I go to the doctor she talks to me for no less than 10 minutes straight about how fast I better get to the hospital because he is so very low? 


I searched back and found that I wrote this when I was 38 weeks pregnant with Stella.


Apparently I was really uncomfortable last time...more fuel for my fear fire. 


I do still feel the same longing for a cocktail.  I can not wait to be able to drink a glass of wine without guilt or order a fancy cocktail at a restaurant. 


I mentally feel tapped out with the whole pregnancy thing.  I found out I was pregnant back in May. 


MAY!!!!


That feels like an eternity ago.  So many holidays and changes and seasons have passed and I am still growing this human.  Surely the time is up?


Intellectually I realize that I will deliver this child soon, but a big part of me (not my stomach surprisingly) really thinks I might be pregnant forever.  I really, really hope I am wrong.


This would be a very awkward way to live the rest of my life. 


I have been trying to enjoy the time with my other three, enjoy these last days without newborn life.  I know it will be difficult to have time with each of them as soon as this baby arrives and consumes me. I know I'll miss them in a strange way. I'll be near them but slightly absent from our normal routine and I know a part of me will long for that normality amidst the chaos that comes with a new baby.


You know what else makes me sad?


Diaper bags.


After 28 comments on a Facebook question regarding recommendations, and multiple personal emails of suggestions, I have decided I am too cool for a diaper bag.  I assume this isn't a shock to you, but given that this is my fourth child I just can't do a formal diaper bag. 


It has taken careful consideration and MUCH online shopping to decide that I need multiple, very expensive bags.


Given my great need, I'm still looking. 


I'll be sure to report any major decisions as soon as I have reached them.


I do feel I should repost all the suggestions people gave. I really loved a lot of them.  I even put several of them in shopping carts on a variety of websites which I will probably never, ever return to again. I'm really good at online shopping without committing to the purchase, it's a talent.


Other current concerns? 


My Netflix show selection for after this baby is born is weak.  I'm still accepting advice on shows to have ready to fill the empty hours of nursing and baby holding when my brain won't function well enough to read or recite poetry to him to increase his intelligence. 


What?  I recite poetry all the time to the other three.


Well, not so much poetry, but we listen to really thought provoking music in the car that reminds me of poetry.  It's really more like rap music, but it rhymes just like poetry.  I even found an NWA song without cuss words and have now exposed my children to the joy of rap from the late 80s.  Clearly I'm doing a good job as Mom. 


I did read an article that suggested I have a labor play list to have playing while I deliver the baby.  Is this really a thing?  How many songs do you have to put on it?  Is this like a mix tape for my baby? 


Is it OK to hope your baby is delivered during Uptown Funk?  I can't stop playing that song lately so it feels like it might be so familiar to the baby that it might make him feel more comfortable when he arrives.  I wouldn't want him to feel out of place.


Seriously, how catchy is that song though? 


I dare you not to dance while listening to it. 


Please report back if you can do it.


Seriously, report back.  I'm losing my mind just waiting for this baby, anything not baby related is very welcome right now.


11 days and counting. 


Stay tuned.







8 comments:

Jo-Anne Meadows said...

It always amazes me what some people will ask a pregnant woman, some people are just too rude and nosy if you ask me. You know when I had my first you never heard of a nappy bag you just used a large bag some of the nappy bags are good some are a waste of money you need to look and find what is right for you

Lynda Halliger Otvos (Lynda M O) said...

Newborns are my absolute favorite humans on the planet. The smaller the better for Lynda !~! Hope it all goes smoothly and the time passes with joy and love for all your family members.

No probing questions from me, Leslie, just bated breath for the pictures of his royal newness.

Shell said...

I always felt so ready to be done being pregnant AND so not ready for a newborn at the same time by the time I hit that point.

Netflix... hmmm... I'm binge watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer. ;)

JENNY MARTINEZ said...

I had a baby four months ago and it was like starting ALL over!! (my other son is seven) But this time around it has been dare I say... easy. I realized I didn't need half the junk I thought I did and I have to say I'm a lot more relaxed this time ;-) The thing I forgot was just how fast they get big 😭 four months and he's rolling and eating and oh so needy lol but it's my last so I'm soaking it all up this time!! So when you feel overwhelmed just think how fast the stages come and go and it's the last time you will have a smiley, drooley lil one that needs you 💗

victoria said...

Cinsel Sohbet

Mrs.Deborah Nikolay said...

"Love Spells That Really Work" Get Your True Love Now

Hello everyone . I am Mrs.Deborah Nikolay,43yrs old from United Kingdom,. I'm happily married to a lovely and caring husband ,with three kids. A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my husband .so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce.he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn't love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email address of the spell caster whom he visited.{nwalutaspelltemple@gmail.com}. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day.What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn't call me for the past 9 months,gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back.So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster. So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website { http://nwalutaspelltemple.blogspot.com } if you have any problem contact Chief Nwaluta Mallam Zack ,{ nwalutaspelltemple@gmail.com }, thanks you Chief Nwaluta, i will always be testifying about your good work,

Helene Wilson said...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!! Are you having problems with your husband, wife, girl friend, boy friend or anyone and you really need such person to come back to you and to love you more than never before, Please read this amazing testimony on how i got back my husband, My name is Helene Wilson from London,Uk, I'm happily married to a lovely and caring husband with two kids. A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my husband .so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce.he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn't love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email address of the spell caster whom he visited.{Templeofloveandprosperity@gmail.com}. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day.What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn't call me for the past 9 months,gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back.So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster. So, If you have any problem contact him, I give you 100% guarantee that he will help you, Thanks to Dr Frank Ojo for bringing back my husband ,and brought great joy to my family once again, SO HERE HIS EMAIL ADDRESS { Templeofloveandprosperity@gmail.com } , Thanks you Dr Frank Ojo, i Jessie will always be testifying about your good work.

sence kaya said...

Sohbet Chat Sohbet odalari Chat odalari Cinsel Sohbet Gabile Sohbet Pasif Sohbet Sohbet sitesi
Chat sitesi