Monday, November 11, 2013

Detox: Day Let's Talk About Something Else

The detox is fine. The detox is great, I feel really good.

Today I drank 32 oz of brown-ish liquid which didn't really taste bad at all and is supposed to push this cleanse thing to the next level. 

(Sidenote:  If you are interested in doing a cleanse but don't want 28 days, this 7 day option would be worth looking in to, especially when paired with some diet modification.  Message me.)

So things are great with the detox, now it's just life so I no longer feel the need to talk about it all the live long day.  Though, if you start talking about amazing food I might have to freak out on you, because I miss amazing food.  Right now I'm working with good food and I am OK with that, but I am VERY excited for some amazing food.

What else is going on you say? 

First, I don't mean to brag or anything, but I went to Target today and bought this.

That's it. 

I carried my three measly items in my HANDS to the checkout, paid $12, and left the store. 

Ballet tights (Stella's not mine,) Nutella snack (Stella's not mine you detox doubters,) and glitter heart barrettes (Stella's not mine because my hair dresser told me I'm not even allowed to wear bobby pins and she is totally in charge.)

I can't really explain how this occurred because we all know that Target has those secret fumes pumping through their stores to make all, Moms in particular, feel a genuine need for no less than $100 of random crap whenever entering their story.  I was reasonably confident some sort of alarm and confetti situation might happen when I left the store, or at least when my husband learned of this freakish trick I accomplished, but all I got were several positive affirmations of my strength and fortitude on Facebook...which is almost as rewarding.

I sort of feel like a better person.

I think I might be.

Second, I again do not want to brag about my awesome-ness, but Alex and I have discovered that we have poop on our shower curtains again.  That's right, shower curtains.  Also right, again.

I'm not sure where we've gone so wrong in our parenting, but we have yet again found smudges of what we can only determine is poop on the shower curtains in two of our bathrooms.  One restroom is used primarily by Stella and Cole, the other by Aiden. 

We are still involved in the wiping situation with Stella so that leads us to believe that both of our boys are incapable of wiping properly.  We can't even figure out exactly what they would be doing to cause this situation. 

(We have actually run through the possibilities but it just feels mean to list them here.  You are welcome.) 

We will be having a wiping tutoring session here Thursday at 5:00 PM. 

The session will be followed shortly after by a how-to-get-a-tissue session since we also have found a LOT of boogers on the wall next to certain small people's beds. 

What is wrong with my kids?

In other news I'll be sending Christmas cards this year. 

That might not impress a lot of you, but I have NEVER sent a Christmas card. I just can't ever seem to get it together to simultaneously have the photo, time, and/or funds to make this type of Mom magic happen.  It is going to happen this year though. 

Our photo will be taken Sunday afternoon and I have already spent no less than $400 on a variety of shirts/pants/dress combinations which already are stressing me out.  I do plan to return the rejects, but this process is tough. 

Currently we have a dark red/blue thing going on...and when I say that out loud I feel very insecure about my sense of style.  Am I totally going to blow this?

Next big decision:  location.  Barn, city, park, home (probably away from all shower curtains,) whimsical fun setting?  This is the type of stuff I can't handle people.  Our photographer is thankfully a friend here that is going to just have to take over all of my indecisions.

The only thing I am confident in is my ability to gather addresses.  I am on it people! I have a spreadsheet AND it's alphabetized.

If we could remove the poop on the shower curtain from this post I would feel like a definite winner in the Mom world.  We're going to figure that situation out though, I just know it. 

Tips anyone?  Anyone?


Samantha said...

Yay for poop because it made me laugh.

Lynda Halliger Otvos (Lynda M O) said...

You are funny lady, Layyyyy-Deeee. (that's my Jerry Lewis imitation) Entertained every time you post your story. Do you honestly believe that you will get cards out in time for the Holidays? I bought them a while back for a sOnG and am thinking about getting on it. Please let me know when you actually start addressing them, or writing that blamed letter or licking the envelopes.

thank you so much for your help with this annual Chore...

momnextdoor said...

When I saw your Target post on Instagram I want you to know that I did a mental fist bump and said "Dude! I didn't know that could be done." I think my level of excitement isn't more boisterous because I can't wrap my brain around the truth of it. Clearly this detox is doing more than expected! [Insert golf clap here.]

I'm not sure how one goes about getting poop on the shower curtain. Did you run out of toilet paper and that was the nearest object? I actually would like a list of the possibilities. Don't be afraid to share!