Sunday, October 28, 2012

GIANT NEWS!

Big things are happening.
 
HUGE. 
 
You should totally be part of it. 
 
First, on Saturday I let Aiden talk me in to purchasing Jell-O Pudding snacks.  It was a weak moment and I was really done with the entire shopping trip.  In an unexpected turn of events though, these are the most delicious treats ever. 

I thought you should know.

Also, last Friday I sent this email to a lot of my friends and family.  Then it felt odd because I didn't send anything to you.  Yes, YOU. 
 
In the interest of time and my ability to go prepare fish tacos for my family, I figured I'd just send it to all of you too.  This might seem like I'm just copying what I already did, and I am, but let's just call it effective time management. 
 
Here you go....
 
You know how you are always talking about how much you wish you could hang out with me more?
 
And how cool it would be if I could just come over and make you dinner and just talk because it's just so fun to listen to me babble about food, randomness, and whatever random shiny object is put in front of me?
It can happen, your dreams really can come true.
I've decided to become an in-home drug dealer.
But instead of drugs, I'm going to sell Pampered Chef goods.
And instead of giving you gateway drug samples, I'm going to lure you in with quality kitchen goods you actually want and need. My gateway drugs will be pizza cutters and garlic presses and then soon you'll think that you too need to have a party so you can get a free covered baker or chopper. I'm going to be the best kitchen supply and food/menu assistant you ever had.
Promise.
In all seriousness, not too long ago I attended a Pampered Chef party and discovered that I needed to buy the entire catalog. Since Alex is super uptight with money I instead chose to host a party. I was really surprised by how much people loved their products, and how much fun it was to have the party...and I didn't even get to talk all that much. I ended up paying $30 for a boatload of goods and romanticizing me being in charge of that cooking demonstration, possibly choreographed to some of my favorite rap and/or classic rock hits, I haven't figured out all the details, and I allowed myself to think about working with Pampered Chef.
This is something totally new for me, but I am excited to try it and see where the journey takes me.
Sidenote: That phrase feels exceedingly cheesy, however there really isn't any better way to describe my decision to do this.
I know your primary question is, "But Leslie, I thought you were running Noonday?"
Yes, it's true, I am an integral party of the Noonday machine, those earrings don't ship themselves, and will continue to be until my Pampered Chef empire takes over the world and I can supply batter bowls to every artisan in need.
I know your second question is, "Leslie, how can I support you?"
Obviously, you could hop on my website, which should be active in the next few days, and buy four of everything. That would be super. Thank you!
If you feel that's asking too much, I'd ask you to consider letting me come over and cook for some of your friends in the near future and let you earn boatloads of all the stuff you couldn't afford on my website because you didn't feel it was important to buy kitchen supplies instead of eating. Why must you be like that?
Fine, I'll come cook for you and help you get free stuff.
What I really need is some practice in these early days to figure out my mojo, perfect my "routine", make sure my unitard fits*, and try out a bunch of recipes. Let's not pretend that we wouldn't have fun. We're too good for that. If you think you can help me, please email me and let's figure this out.
I'll also be hosting a few parties at my house and need some honest people to come and tell me where I sort of need some practice. Fine, you can eat and drink here too, so let me know if you want to be on the rolling list of invitees to watch me try to figure this out.
If you don't live in the area or you're a hoarder who can't have me in your home (know I would love you regardless of your potential to be on a reality show,) there are online shows, Facebook shows, and simply contacting me the next time you need a recipe idea and/or cooking supply for you or someone else.
If you hate cooking or don't believe in food then just pray for me and be nice to me because this is so new for me to try. I'm excited, but I'm nervous that this is ridiculous and maybe I'll cook too much.
Ok, that's not really a thing, but it's the most dangerous thing I could think of in the moment.
Thank you for your support!
*there isn't actually a unitard, but there could be a unicorn.**
**that's a lie, unicorns aren't real, but if you believed me I think you are extra fantastic

 
The big reveal though is that as of 15 minutes ago my site is up!  I don't know how it all exactly works, but I promise I'll figure it out.  You can check my personal Pampered Chef site out here.
 
I'd love to host a Facebook show or online show for you, or whatever you may need.
 
Fear not though folks....I'll still be here mostly talking about life and parenting and being a wife and babbling about meth.  How could I possibly give that up?  I have a feeling this might include a return of the Recipe-Ish.  Remember those?

If you don't, you can read one here, or here, or here, or here.
  
Thanks for letting me share!

Thursday, October 25, 2012

A Reader Wants MY Advice, Don't Be So Surprised

Not too long ago a reader emailed me to ask this question.

"Could you write something giving me ideas on what to do and how to
continue feeling like a normal person even though I will be home most
of my time?"

She is a Mom getting ready to leave her job to stay home with her almost two year old TWINS.  

(I feel the need to type TWINS in all caps at all times because I am consistently in awe of those able to handle two of any age under four.)

She wants to continue to have a sense of self despite no longer having a job outside the house. She wants to stay active, not trapped in the house. She's concerned about staying attractive for her husband.  I assume these concerns are related directly to keeping up her self esteem and self worth without a job. 

Self esteem can totally falter if she should happen to find herself in sweats every day eating mac and cheese and watching unhealthy amounts of Yo Gabba Gabba or Max and Ruby while trying to "talk" to two small people that don't understand toilets, time, or even know why they should care about tough decisions like bangs versus no-bangs.  Kids suck sometimes.

(I also would pay an insane amount of money to know where in the hell Max and Ruby's parents are during all their shenanigans?  Ruby shouldn't have to shoulder all the responsibility for Max, and they definitely shouldn't be taking city buses anywhere without an adult. That Grandma is in and out, probably running a high end bunny escort service while her grandchildren are losing their minds trying to figure out how to catch a bus to her house or make $5 stretch to pay for overalls and a shirt.  Who writes this stuff?)

(That was possibly an example of how my passion for life has been altered, some might say crushed, by staying home for the last seven years.  I shouldn't feel this much about two fictitious bunnies, but I do.  I won't apologize for it.)

I feel I should say that I think she's making the right choice to see how she likes being home with them.  It isn't the right choice for everyone, but it's great that she has the option to be with them while they are so young.   It's priceless, it sucks, it's awesome, it's torture, it's heartbreaking in a good way, it totally freakin' blows. 

I feel many emotions about being home.  But I wouldn't change it.  No way.

I think we can all agree that I, as the person currently obsessed with all things meth, lives in fear of any weeknight commitment which might last past 9 pm, pees her pants when doing any physical activity more than a walk, and still firmly believes there should be someone starting a fundraising campaign to end the cruelty of adult acne is the perfect friend to give tips on normality amongst the pitfalls of life as a stay at home Mom. 

Fine, the truth is I've lost some of my mojo since leaving the workforce and pushing out three children that somehow have enslaved me, but I'm still me.  I recognize what I need to do to stay sane.  I know how important it is that I feel connected to the world outside of my kids and that my husband and I are top priority, or everything fails. 

I don't even think a dry erase board could save me if Alex and I were in a bad place.

Here are my top ten tips, in no particular order of importance because I'm not that organized.

1. Don't Drink and Try to Read Fox and Sox

A glass of wine while preparing dinner, or while consuming dinner, is great, but keep in mind that just because you don't have to get up for "work" in the morning doesn't mean you won't be asked to read the most challenging tongue twister book ever written.  Keep things in check.  Your kids won't let you put your head down on the desk and pretend to be working.  They will mess with you and make life awful if you indulge.

2. Hire a Cleaning Lady

If there is any way you can financially swing this it will change your life. I know it's not easy on one income, but there is nothing that makes me feel more sane than the knowledge that every other week my house will be organized and clean...and I don't have to do it. 

When I don't have help, I feel like I am forever trying to squeeze in time to clean the toilet or mop the floors and it makes me want to scream. 

Well, to be honest I want to scream pretty often anyway, but it's just worse if I'm the one in charge of removing soap scum. 

As the person in charge of the running a home full of kids under 7, I still clean my fair share of everything.  I clean the toilets periodically because it's just not sanitary to let them stay for two weeks with someone trying to figure out how to use the toilet. 

When do they learn how to use the toilet?  Lower your expectations about that, whatever they are.


3. Get The Rock Out Of The House

I don't care what you have to do, but sweet Jesus, grab those kids and run to the mall, Starbucks, the park, the art museum, whatever. 

OK, don't go to the art museum, it will be awkward unless your kids are asleep or are the best kids EVER....and let's face it, they probably aren't. 

It is super important to balance staying home with the right amount of getting out and about in the world with all the functioning people.  It might be awkward to be among them, since most of them will look like they regularly sleep and shower, but it will be good.  I promise.

4. Go To The Gym

This is less about staying fit and more about finding a place that will accept your children at a moment's notice for two hours.   Though I think keeping yourself healthy makes everyone happier, most importantly you, the gym is a fantastic escape.  Find a gym with good childcare included.  It's great to make this a routine at least a few times a week, but it can be your sanctuary.

On the rough days I almost always take my kids to the gym so that I can be alone.  I've sat in the locker room, fully dressed and played games on my phone for an hour just to be away from them.  I've watched Ellen or HGTV while walking more slowly than I usually do behind an elderly person....in my regular clothes. 

It's pretty awesome to drop your kids off and just walk away when you really need it.

5. Don't Start Doing Meth

I hear it's popular with stay at home moms, but overall it seems dangerous...and think of your teeth.

Despite the fact you could totally save money on a housekeeper because you could just stay up all night and clean since you'll have all that extra energy, it won't be worth it because you have to pay for all the meth.  It's so tricky to figure these things out.

Unless you can make it yourself....

No, seriously, it's a bad idea. Don't do drugs of any kind. Just watch Breaking Bad and see how awful it looks.

6. Get A Pet And Stalk Some Friends

I actually followed one of my first stay at home mom friends through the dog park for three days before I talked to her.  She looked normal, had a kid about my son's age, and I was so freakin' lonely at home all day with someone that wouldn't talk to me. I was totally cool with stalking her and then basically introducing myself and demanding she hang out with me.

I don't necessarily recommend that all the time, but it worked in this instance because she happened to be just as desperate as I was.  Finding a desperate person is a goldmine for someone to join you at the drop of a hat when you desperately need some adult conversation at the Chick-fil-a indoor playground to prevent you from drowning your sorrows in peach shakes.


7. Get Dressed More Days Than Not

It's fine if you are more comfortable in yoga pants, but for the sake of feeling human, put on a bra and a comfortable, but well fitting top with them the majority of the time.  Wearing yoga pants frequently doesn't have to mean the same thing as wearing pajamas.  The truth is we all feel better when we look a little better. 

8.  Get a "Hobby" 

This sounds really cliche, but it's important to have something that you enjoy doing just for you.  I write this blog and shop at the Gap.  The Gap might not really sound like a hobby, but that's why I put the word in quotes and have fun intonation when I say it out loud. 

Amity and I have an obsession with all things Gap and it really does fill up a lot of time, and credit cards.  Speaking of credit cards, I was just promoted to Gap Silver, an honor I'm sure only bestowed to the best shoppers.  So far only Amity and Alissa have congratulated me on this new success, but I bet the emails, calls, and texts will be rolling in after this blog post.

9.  Don't Be Afraid to Make It A Lazy Day

It can feel like you should always be teaching and interacting with your kids when you are home, but there's a lot to do.  Don't feel badly making your kid play by themselves for a while or putting on a movie while you fold laundry...or read your favorite book while sitting next to your kid. 

We all need time to get some stuff done or just check out, and your child doesn't need every moment of you just because you are there.  There will be days when in addition to that, you just are over it and all you can do is pour cereal, order pizza, and help with TV selections.  It happens. They will live and so will you. 


10.  Enjoy It, Even Though It Totally Blows Sometimes
t
One day you'll find yourself with a vomiting kid, trapped in the grocery store while someone screams and someone else crys because they have to poop and you'll wonder why you ever felt reproducing was a good idea, much less staying around them all day. 

Then you'll find a way out of the store and you'll climb into your trashed, overpriced minivan to endure the worst ride of your life and you'll probably be crying when you pull in to your garage. Then all your kids will be hungry, except for the vomit one, and you'll have to prepare food while cleaning poop and vomit. 

Then you'll find a way to painfully separate all of them and put them in their own beds to rest and try to sleep their way sane and they'll have their favorite music playing with their favorite blanket in their own cozy space and it will work, and you'll wander to your bed to fall down and cry and rejoice.

You'll cry because your kids suck so much that it seems damn near impoossible that you could salvage their terrible ways so that they have a chance of being functional, rationale humans later in life that you don't have to feed anymore.  You'll rejoice because you suddenly feel washed in gratitude that you are giving them the coolest gift of their own space on a rough day, their own Mom when they feel down, and you don't have to answer to anyone but yourself about the fact that you earned the right to lie on your bed and cry and watch bad TV for 45 minutes before the next shit storm errupts. 

Sometimes staying home is all about the balance of horror and joy.  It's a fine line, but I'm so glad to walk it.  I hope you enjoy it too!

I hope I could help! Good luck!

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

False Alarm, Mothering Skills Still On The Rocks - PYHO

Remember the new found peace with my poor mothering I discovered at the end of yesterday's blog post?  No? 

Read it here.

It was profound.  I was elated to realize, some might say, rationalize, that all my mistakes and forgetfulness might actually be turning my kids in to better people.  An example for how to move past mis-steps, forgive, and grow.  I was making the best people ever. 

Yeah me! 

Then yesterday I spaced what time I was supposed to pick up Aiden and he had to sit in the school office until my friend Jenn called me and offered to grab him.  Not in a mean way, like pinch him or anything, she's really pretty nice.  Well, unless you're playing a game.  Or, making a craft.  She's sort of competitive.  I'm pretty sure she wouldn't assault my child though. 

Pretty sure.

At least in this instance, she brought Aiden home.  Thank God for good friends.

Aiden didn't even talk to me when he first got home.  I don't really blame him. I think I would be sort of peeved to be abandoned too.

To be clear though, it's not like I left him in an alley or something.  I mean, he goes to a nice school.  I think there might even be candy in the office.  It's more like I let him sit in a candy room, what kid wouldn't love that?

I was able to blow off my mistake in picking him up, but a few hours later there was a knock at my door while I was preparing dinner.  It was a neighbor informing me that Stella had walked down to his house a few minutes ago.

What? 

I could have sworn she was washing her hands in the bathroom.  I had just been yelling for her to hurry....not that I would ever rush one of my children's quest for sanitary hands.  Unfortunately, as with many things these days I was way off. 

Apparently my two year old daughter left out the garage door and sauntered down to the neighbors. She ran to my friend, told her I was cooking, and then shouted greetings at her "friends" on bikes.

Awesome. 

Maybe my mistakes and flakes aren't so helpful.  Could I be turning my children in to better people by losing them?  I don't think even I could spin that.

The good news is that I trimmed my own bangs and they don't look completely awful. 

I know that doesn't really tie in to how I'm going to stop making these mistakes, but it was about all I could think of at the moment.  I'm too lazy to go have them trimmed and it's important I don't look even more insane than I'm acting. 

Surely I'll sort all this out soon.  High bolted locks will be installed soon and I have a dry erase board on the fridge to track the week's events. 

Dry erase board people.

Nothing can get by me now.

****************************************************
Linking up to Shell's Pour Your Heart Out!  Check it out here.



Monday, October 22, 2012

Perhaps My Inadequacies Are Just Wonderful In Disguise

As a Mom of young children, it's not unusual for me to be up in the middle of the night. Though it isn't every night anymore, let's take a moment and reflect on how awesome it is to not be there anymore, but it does still happen more than I would like. Someone's scared, sick, or simply awake and wants someone else to be too. 

I'm almost always the lucky winner to be awoken as company, probably because I'm so awesome to hang out with during the day. That's it, right?

Going back to sleep isn't always easy, so I pray. I usually pray for other people in my life, a struggling friend, my children, my neighbors, etc. but the other night when I found myself lying over the side rail of Stella's crib at 1 am, singing Blackbird for the 10th time, I prayed for me, just me.

Selfish perhaps, but necessary.  I have had a difficult few days.

In all honesty it has been building for a while. Since the return of Alex and Stella, I have felt overwhelmed by the chaos around here.  Their presence makes my family feel whole again, though Stella also makes it infinitely more challenging.

Oh and there is a lot more screaming too.

An example you say?


This was a few Wednesdays ago, moments after I should have been meeting with Aiden's first grade teacher.

I arrived a full 15 minutes early for my parent-teacher conference, fully aware that I might have to take a few extra minutes getting Stella from the school office to the classroom.  I did not, however, anticipate a full blown freak out when I printed my temporary badge and Stella insisted she also required proper documentation. 

I can be so short sighted sometimes.

She screamed while I paced and prayed for peace and strength, periodically checking to see if she would snap out of her meltdown.  Finally she decided she was done, looked at me with the most sad eyes ever, and asked for her pacy and blankey and took my hand to walk to the classroom.

Just inside the school doors, a woman had been hanging posters in the hallway during this entire episode.  She gave me a sympathetic smile and told me I was doing a wonderful job.  She told me I was a good Mom.

I, of course, instantly started bawling and couldn't even look at this kind woman. 

I don't deal well with kindness when overly stressed.

My nerves were raw and I could not have felt further from the title of good Mom, except for the fact that I didn't just abandon my screaming daughter, hop in my minivan, and blow off Aiden's teacher for a mid-morning cocktail...because that thought actually went through my mind and since I was praying I assumed there was a chance that God had actually suggested it, which would make it OK. 

Right?

I am reasonably confident Aiden's teacher is now concerned about my mental state since I walked in to her room for the conference late, still crying, mascara under my eyes due to a recent switch to non-waterproof mascara which Origins forced me to buy, and a still very uncontrollable toddler. She essentially wrapped up her discussion about Aiden and offered her time to talk to me about anything else I needed, probably because she feels I must not have time for proper psychological assistance. 

She is a very, very nice woman...thank goodness.

I've essentially been continuing on a string of parenting mis-steps ever since.  I can't seem to remember anything.  I've forgotten to send notes to school for Aiden to participate in running club, forgotten to pick him up from running club, neglected homework assignments and follow up on school work for Cole,   I haven't sent games for game day, orders for art fundraisers, or show and tell selections.  I abandoned Cub Scout cookie sales for days on end and last weekend I watched several newly released episodes of Gossip Girl on Netflix instead of completing four very simple tasks involving super glue that the boys have been begging me to do for weeks.

What the hell?

I've been feeling guilty and wallowing in my frustrations for weeks now.  I've run a recording for too long about how I'll never measure up in the Mom world, and I should definitely commit to permanent waterproof mascara and screw the natural stuff that makes me look strung out.

My mistakes and laziness are breeding more mistakes and laziness.  It's a really ugly life cycle that I am sure could be ended if I could just find time to find mental health assistance from someone other than my son's first grade teacher, though she really did a great job that day. 

Perhaps I should just start emailing her?  Including notes with thoughts, emotions, and questions in his take-home folder?

But then, this morning, my cleaning woman took her hands and placed them on my shoulders after I was playing in the backyard with my kids.  She had the kindest voice and said, "you're a really good mother." 

I hadn't mentioned anything to her about my recent feelings of inadequacy, and I don't think she caught me crying in the corner, but I can't be sure.  I do pay her, but I am reasonably confident she isn't a mental health professional....unless Alex somehow worked it so that we could have our house cleaned by a licensed counselor for fear of me. 

It really isn't important.

Her words meant the world to me, and for a little while at least, I believe them.  She is here in the thick of it all, watching me make them food and tame their tantrums.  She sees my laundry and my less than ideal methods of dealing with the mass amounts of school art (mostly bury in trash except for the really special ones.)  She knows. 

I am going to forget stuff, maybe I'll forget a lot of stuff all at once like recently.  I'm going to lose my temper and make a poor decision, like giving Stella a blue lollipop when she would have been just as happy with a non-staining clear one, or choosing to let Cole play Wii for two hours straight, but that's OK.


Previously mentioned, ill-advised blue lollipop.



I'm a mostly fantastic Mom, with some crappy moments mixed in to teach my children about making mistakes, apologizing, and how to solve problems like getting gum out of your hair or asking for an extension because you had to watch Gossip Girl. 

So really, when you think about it, even my mistakes are making me awesome because I'm giving them skills.  Geez, I hope I'm not being too wonderful.

That could really screw them up.




Hair with gum from 2 year old gum addict.





Sunday, October 14, 2012

Sometimes An Email Just Takes Over The Night

I swear I was going to blog tonight.  I was.  I had a lot of very emotional and life altering things to say....BUT instead I just spent the last hour typing an email reminder about my Pampered Chef party this week and watching TV with my husband so I have nothing left for you, again.

I know, this is mean.  I'm not mean though, right?

I have decided I'll just give you my Pampered Chef email, because it seems like it could be mildly entertaining and if you are here you might be bored.  Are you bored?

You should be cooking.  Too bad you aren't coming to my Pampered Chef party....or are you?

If you live in the Austin area, you should.

It might be fun.  Or it might be lame.  But there will be alcohol. 

I promise to actually write soon.

**********************************************

Dear Pampered Chef Party Acceptor and/or Ignorer,

Congratulations! You have been elevated as one of my most favorite people on the planet by saying you will attend my Pampered Chef party and putting me one step closer to my coveted sharp knives. I just wanted to remind you that it's this Thursday night at 7:30 and it's going to be a JAM. Bring your A game people, because this is serious.
I have bought a bottle of Cristal for each of you and have arranged an appearance by JLo and P-Diddy, the two coolest people I know and regularly hang with late night.
Unfortunately, the last paragraph was a flat out lie.
I'm still excited to see you though!
OR
Congratulations! You were invited by me to an awesome party that could change your life but you seem to be hesitating on your commitment. What are you doing? Why aren't you responding to my Pampered Chef party? Are you having a difficult time deciding whether or not a relaxing evening at my house with free wine, snacks, and tips on how to be a better cook/wife/mother/person of the world sounds good enough to say yes to?
Let me help you.
I know you might be concerned about the fact that my house is located near buffalo, donkeys, and Hutto, but this is really not something you should be worried about. The truth is this is a big opportunity for you. Buffalo are a vital part of a journey through life, ask any Native American and I think they can tell you the truth. No life is full without buffalo.
And donkeys? Donkeys are one of the most important animals for fighting wrinkles. Scientists aren't 100% sure how it works, but studies have shown that having a closer proximity to donkeys can actually erase fine lines. Estee Lauder has been trying to figure out how to include donkey's in their line for years now, but PETA is really a bitch to work through on this. This might sound fictitious, but I'm serious.
(Also, have seriously been around way too many children today, it may or may not be affecting my ability to make sense.)
You might be worried about snack options. There is nothing worse than putting on extra deodorant to go out at night, only to be met with tasteless, lame snacks, like popcorn or sesame sticks. (Not that there's anything inherently wrong with either one of them, I like them both, a lot, but I think we all know I'm classier than that after 5:00 pm.)
Fear not ladies, fear not.
I don't want to spoil any surprises or anything but today I bought cheese...and crackers. I could have just gone chips and salsa, it actually might pair better with the planned meal, but I think too highly of all of you to take the easy route.
I went complicated, I went cheese AND crackers. You might be thinking about cheese cubes or something pedestrian like that. Oh no, not out here by the life-giving buffalo. To give a hint, I did purchase some French cheese that rhymes with FREE, and some Spanish cheese. It's basically going to be an international dairy feast.
I even bought water crackers. You're probably thinking, "Leslie, you probably bought generic water crackers, that hardly counts." Which is true, these aren't Carr's, because I bought organic water crackers. That's how much I love you. I don't want to take any chances of serving any of you any pesticide laden crackers.
And more importantly, I bought almond crackers for all of my gluten challenged friends, because I am just that considerate.
(Lactose intolerant friends, I did not buy you any special cheese because that's too difficult. You can have some grapes. Sorry about your luck, brie is the best thing God ever invented.)
Now, I don't want to get you all excited this many days in advance, but if you are on the fence this might be the fact that tips you in the direction of "Hells YES!!!!"
I have boxed wine.
I know, you are probably trying to think of the last time you were invited to something this high brow. Or, perhaps you are trying to figure out if this was actually a black tie event. Box wine? I mean, I am clearly sparing no expense. It's not Franzia, I wasn't brave enough for that, but it is boxed and it will be spectacular. I promise.
I also have sparkling red blood orange Italian soda....just in case you fear the long, hard journey home after being out here near Hutto.
If none of that twists your arm, perhaps you will be interested in the large quantity of stolen Noonday goods I've lifted while working that I will be selling out of the back of my minivan to anyone purchasing a pizza cutter. I know it sounds cruel to steal from such a consciously good company, but really, what could be more important than a good turn out at a Pampered Chef party?
OK, that's a lie. There isn't any Noonday loot.
I once found a Hello Kitty lip gloss in Stella's stroller that we had inadvertently stolen from Old Navy TWO weeks prior, which costs a whopping $2.95 and I drove back and paid them for it. I'm just too honest to be a bad ass. It's a blessing and a curse.
The good news for you is that you are apparently friends with someone with a high moral code of conduct. Clearly I'm worth hanging out with, unless you were looking for some sort of partner in crime, then I'm probably not your gal...unless it involves meth, then my fascination might turn me.
Are you in? Are you scared?
OR
This is awkward. Is this the first time you are hearing about this? Totally my oversight. I meant to invite you, obviously something snapped in my brain to make me forget. It's probably because I've been eating a lot of rice and I just got an article from my children's pediatrician about all the arsenic in rice. Stupid poison is making me be mean. I'm sure you understand.
So....want to come over and hang and talk about kitchen stuff? Yes?
 
love, Leslie