At 7:00 this morning I dropped Alex and Stella off at the airport for their trip to Greece.
I watched Alex carefully check and recheck his required items; backpack, stroller, suitcase, and little girl. He looked different to me, wearing glasses and very tired eyes after a night of restless sleep worrying about traveling with a toddler on such a big trip.
Cole hugged Stella tightly and kept kissing her head. He was sure to tell her how much he loved her. He was sure to tell her he would miss playing with her and he gave her an extra sticker he had stolen from her earlier. Even when she pushed her hand in his face to leave her, he pressed on with his goodbyes.
Cole gets love. That boy is good at love.
I spent all morning at Noonday trying to strategize how I was going to purchase these two purses, because that seemed like the type of honorable and life altering work I should do as a part of an amazing, philanthropic organization like this.
Oh yeah, my two year old daughter, whom is never out of my sight is playing in an airport in NYC just before she hops on a flight to Athens. I'm not there. She's not here.
Shouldn't I be freaking out?
It's strange and it's awesome and it's oddly scary in a way that I really don't understand why.
I mean, she still has her bow on, right? Surely she's OK.
I wandered in to her room after I picked up the boys from school and cried. Most likely because I'm getting ready to start and my emotions are all out of order, but my excuse was that the room felt too empty. The whole house feels profoundly empty without her.
She breathes a whole lot of life in to this place, in to my life. It feels a little dimmer without her.
This is going to be a good nine days though, I know it will be.
Cole, Aiden, and I have big plans of pizzas, a trip to the movies, a play downtown, even a sleepover here with friends. Endless possibilities of focus on them and things that are too challenging to do with a two year old in tow.
For me, I know I'll get to relax a bit. I get to have a break from the physical and constant demands of a two year old. I get to go to bed without a monitor humming in my ear, or someone screaming for their pacifier. I get to have four days a week without any children here.
I'm free....but it makes me a bit sad.
We'll see what these next days bring, but here is what I do know.
I can't stop thinking about my husband.
He's gone a lot, but he thinks it is important to take his daughter half way around the world to meet her great-grandmother, regardless of how difficult it might be for him. He couldn't stop talking about how excited he was for his Yia Yia to meet Stella. I'm so grateful that the man I married loves like that.
Sort of makes me sad all over again.
I think I should just order those bags, surely that will make me feel better about the fact that my world is floating at 40,000 feet until morning time, and I have no idea how they are doing.