Sunday, September 23, 2012

When Is My Husband Coming Home?

I feel lonely.  I miss my husband. 

I feel sort of pathetic for feeling lonely.

You see, for some really strange reason I have been watching Army Wives.

(Be patient, this will relate back to being lonely in a minute.  There's no way I'd just be admitting I have been watching Army Wives.)

Let's be honest, it isn't that good.  It's actually like a soap opera, but with less action. When I say action, I'm not even talking about love scenes action, I'm talking about things actually happening at all. 

Sure, on the last episode I watched there was woman kissing another woman, and a student-teacher relationship, but somehow on this show it all seems to be a little flat.  There was a woman studying for her GED though, it was CRAZY!

While it isn't the most compelling show I've ever watched, it's no Sons of Anarchy or Breaking Bad, but I think it's starting to get to me.

Additional side note, I think Breaking Bad is also starting to get to me. I took the boys downtown for  a play and we saw a very unhealthy looking young woman walking down the street all twitchy, smoking a cigarette, and carrying a 2-liter of Red Crush.  Aiden actually noticed her and asked me why she looked so strange. 

For some reason I felt it was important to let he and Cole know that I believed that woman was addicted to meth....which led to much discussion on the definition of a drug, why Tractor smoking cigarettes isn't the same, and why people buying a lot of cold medicine should not be trusted.

(For the record, it's really difficult to explain the different between an addiction to smoking cigarettes and an addiction to illegal drugs.  Essentially my sons left our conversation confused about why my Father doesn't twitch, and thinking there is a good chance he'll be arrested soon for buying a pack of smokes.  I can't make them understand everything perfectly.)

Maybe you aren't describing the key indicators of meth addiction to your 5 and 6 year olds, but it's apparently important life lessons around here.   I also managed to link this woman's drug addiction to her soda consumption and the evils of too much sugar, so really it was like a health lesson. 

Army Wives is currently a little short on drug addiction and violence, though they have been drinking soda so I'm sure a show with meth is right around the corner.  What it lacks in hard core issues, it certainly is making up for in the 'pulling on the heartstrings category.'  I can't imagine sending my husband off to war, dealing with the length of separation, and the lack of communication along the way. 

My husband has only been gone for four days and I feel a little achy. He's usually gone from early morning until after the kids are in bed anyway, so what is my problem? 

First, his absence requires me to do yard work, and I have enough going on inside the house. I mowed the grass this weekend.  I haven't done that since I was 17. I have discovered that this is one of the only things that my husband is responsible for that I never do.  After I had my neighbor come over and show me how to actually start the mower, I mowed the whole thing. I unfortunately couldn't figure out how to start the weed whacker though so I was forced to use the hedge trimmers for the curbs and immediately next to a few trees.

I'm apparently very resourceful, just like those Army Wives.

Second, Cole never stops talking.  This doesn't really relate to Alex's absence, but I'm going bananas with all his non-stop chatter and it had to be said.

Next, I'm sleeping on the kill-me-first side of the bed.  I'm not sure how it happens, but I end up on the side of the bed closest to the door some time in the middle of the night without Alex there to block me.  He usually sleeps there and by doing so has volunteered himself to be stabbed first by anyone trying to kill us in our sleep, including our kids.  Now I could go at any time, without any warning.  This is no way to live.

Finally, I promised to not watch any more Breaking Bad episodes without him and I'm getting a little twitchy without being able to find out what is going to happen next.  I'm obviously starting to bring Aiden and Cole in to my meth show issues, I clearly need a husband here for every one's safety.

And where did all my tears for Stella go?

Honestly, I am lingering for a few extra minutes over her photo and re watching a few adorable videos of her on my phone, but life without a two year old is....simply easier.  I haven't changed a diaper in four days.  I haven't taken any one's clothes off or on since she left.  I haven't tripped over a miniature shopping cart, been screamed at about washing their blankets, or had to rearrange my life for someone else to sleep. 

Those things are working out really well for me. 

Stella sure is cute, but she sure can kink up a day. 

Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to get my hands on her again and smother her in kisses and listen to her telling her brothers what to do...but a few days off is working out sort of spectacularly.

I guess I'll have to completely repeat my speech on the signs of meth addiction for her though, probably over a diaper change.


Missy at Its Almost Naptime said...

You're so freaking funny.

And have you seen this? I mean, hours can be spent here:

they all end up looking like Skinny Pete in the end.

There are some good meth docus on Netflix, fyi. Maybe that will tide you over till he gets home. OH - also, meth makes you teeth fall out. Another easy way to spot a methhead.

(We have way too much in common.)

Missy at Its Almost Naptime said...

I meant you and I have way too much in common.

Not, toothless methheads and I have way too much in common.

Just felt the need to clarify that.

Lynda Halliger-Otvos said...

Ok, clarification is good. Toddlers and kink are a combo one can bet one always. Cole's incessant yakking would send me over some damn edge, not sure which one tho yet; I'll keep ya posted.

Funny Stuff, Alex, keep at it and one day it'll come back to pay the bills. Or so I've heard,