Thursday, July 12, 2012

Let's Blame This On Kris Calder AND The Entire Mayan Population

These look innocent enough, right?


Just a pair of shorts? 

Yeah right.

Let's start at the beginning.

After a purchase of some clothing in May, I challenged myself to not spend any money on clothes during the month of June.  I honestly have too much, I don't need anything, and it would be a good financial move.

I also banned myself from Target because I think that overall I spend about $300 less a month if I simply don't go to that store. More than making me feel badly, that fact makes me really wish I just owned a Target. 

I wonder how much that would cost?

I was doing really well fulfilling my promise to myself.  I hadn't even thought about cheating, until I was strolling through my Facebook feed and landed on one of my more fashionable friends, Kris Calder's, photos from her girl's weekend. She and her friend had both shown up for the weekend wearing the same pair of shorts, the exact ones pictured above.

I felt as though they were speaking to me.

They weren't really all that kind though, which is strange because Kris is really nice.  I don't know her friend though so maybe she was really mean and making Kris say mean things through the photo.

Here's what I heard.

1. "Don't we look really good in these shorts?  We are very fashionable and trendy and hip. You don't have shorts like this, do you Leslie?"

They were right.  They did. They are.  No, no I don't.

2. "We are going to have such a good time this weekend without any children!  You are not!"

I knew it.

3. "Wasn't it spring break of 1994 when you last had a good looking pair of drawstring shorts?"

Yes, yes it was!  How did they have this accurate information?

It was obviously a really weird moment. But now I needed those adorable shorts.

I was a grown woman stalking my friends on a social networking website and feeling envious of their activities and style.
 
Then I took the pathetic up a notch. 

It was June 30, but the boys had been invited to birthday parties and instead of holding on to my rule, I went to Target to "buy presents."  The truth is that I had heard those shorts were there. They lived at Target and I could probably have them.

I walked in and not only were they really there, but they were right in front...and on sale. I was pretty sure either God wanted me to have the shorts or was giving me the chance to do the right thing and stick to the promise I had made to myself.  It might have been a test.

I've never been a really good test taker.  If anyone should know that it would be God, right?

Crap, I was failing my test.

BUT...I mean, if you think about it, if it had been February instead of June, the month would have been over.  It wasn't my fault June had 30 days instead of 28.  I didn't make the calendar.  The Mayans or Greeks or someone did.

(Side note:  Please never, ever use this blog for factual information you might find in encyclopedias if they still existed or on the History channel.  I'm just making this up as I go because I think it feels good to pretend to have information rather than having to figure it out.  It's fun, you should do it.)

Also, much like I don't control the days of the month, I have little control over Target's product placement and sale selections.  I have heard Target is a mean marketing machine, and my brain probably could not resist the location/discount tactics being thrown at it, particularly with a child in tow.  It's my weak intelligence from years of struggling with dinner selections, flip flop locations, poop, and things that are supposed to be fun but come in a zillion pieces and are left EVERYWHERE in my house.  How was I supposed to resist this? 

Come to think of it, these shorts were a pattern I think I once saw on a blanket in Mexico when I was on spring break in 1988.  I probably was confused and thought it was a blanket with a very intricate tribal pattern, most likely from the Mayans (bastards!)  I was cold, AND I had just been telling Alex that I thought we needed to include more art in our home.  A beautiful, hand woven wall rug/pair of shorts totally counts as art.

How do you fight?

So I bought them.  I wear them essentially all the time and it's likely the people that see me most often, like the employees at the local grocery store and my next door neighbor, think I own nothing but this one pair of amazing shorts.  They probably are posting photos of me on their Facebook pages. 

I also lamely alternate a white tee with a necklace and a black tank with big earrings because that's what I saw Kris and her cool friend doing.

Do I really have no will power AND no personal sense of style?

As disappointed as I am in myself, and the Mayans, these shorts look better and feel better than I ever dreamed they would when I first started stalking Kris Calder's photo.  The look super short in the photo but the beauty is that they aren't and they aren't the slightest bit tight, just glorious. 

I've even inspired many women to purchase them themselves, it's like I'm spreading culture and joy through a $15-$20 pair of cotton shorts.

I might have failed in my promise to myself, but I totally scored with the shorts.  Currently it all feels worth it.  If you have seen these and not purchased them, you are either a much, much stronger person than I am, or you are completely immune to the power of the Mayan people. 

Here's the link here to the shorts so you can order them ASAP. 

Be warned, they come in three other patterns too.

I'm sorry for trying to lead you down my path of weakness.  Maybe I'm part Mayan?

5 comments:

Kmama said...

Of course I had to click on the link. ;-)

I'm really loving the purple striped ones...but given the fact that I won't be wearing any shorts without a huge belly panel in the near future, I won't be purchasing them. Bummer.

Nic said...

Yup I have those shorts as will, in another pattern and have also seen other women wearing them. I <3 them and don't feel like an unstylish slob mom in them. I say you buying the shorts to make yourself feel good was probably cheaper and easier than actual therapy so do it! Own the shorts.

Keri said...

Target must pipe drugs through the air vents or something. I follow this blog called Totally Target and she posts about sales and coupons. Some days I have to just avoid the Internets so I don't see something on her blog that I must immediately run and buy!

Also, those purple striped ones are cute!

The Preppy Girl in Pink said...

I know 4 people with these shorts and guess whom one of them is?! Me!! You guessed it!! You win a prize. Maybe I'll swing by Target and pick it up for you and a little something for myself. I mean a 10 minute drive there is hard work and I need to treat myself. ;-)
Also, Shell bought a dress from there and I know 4 people that own that dress too. (Yes, me again...guilty as usual). I think you should each do link ups of people in these shorts and in her dress.

momnextdoor said...

Target is evil...yet so wonderful. I'm grateful that mine is 40 minutes away so that I can't just drop by whenever I want. That would be BAD...yet so wonderful.

And you know what, I say you made it. June 30 totally counts as July.