Tuesday, July 10, 2012

If You Ever Wonder What Your Six Year Old Would Think of The Bachelorette, Please Read On - PYHO

I think it's important that you know how good of a Mom I am.  The evidence is everywhere.

I sneak spinach in to their smoothies, I explain the dangers of strangers in a scary enough but not too scary manner,  I make them aware of the complicated nature of The Bachelorette, I read them books, I praise them when I can muster it...the usual stuff.


They seriously don't even taste the spinach.  If you serve it in a colored cup they won't even tell it's changed their smoothie from berry red to brown.

Oh, you weren't talking about the spinach?

Are you not explaining the Bachelorette to your kids?

My reasons are complex.

For some reason, Alex didn't feel like watching The Bachelorette last night, it was as if he didn't even care if Emily found true love.  He didn't even mention a fear of Arie being cut.  I sometimes question his heart. He wanted to watch Sons of Anarchy, which sounded nice once I started watching that Jax character, but he's no Arie.

This morning was pretty straight forward with swimming lessons and a witch doctor appointment.  I haven't felt well all day, probably from anticipation of watching all the Fantasy Suite dates, but I decided it would be a good idea to take my three children out for a sit down lunch...it's all part of the good Mom role.

Obviously, my children enjoyed it immensely. 
"You are SUCH a good Mom!"

As an exhausted Mom, feeling borderline sick, I feel it was a bad choice.

By the time we got home I was ready for everyone to be in rest time so I could take care of the important things I needed to do as a stay at home mom like stenciling and cooking and cleaning my bejeweled flip flops.

Oh, and I really was dying to watch The Bachelorette.

I started the show, and was met with much intervention from my kids.  I was determined to press on though, in spite of my children's obvious apathy toward my happiness. I was tired from the morning and unlike Alex, my heart is concerned for Emily's final pick.

It seems that Aiden was  hanging around more than I thought though.  It's possible he saw multiple clips of The Bachelorette.

Don't judge me Mom.
Now, before you are concerned that he was viewing a scandalous hot tub scene, Emily was looking for a family show and did not actually fulfill the traditional "fantasy suite" night.  I'm sure some were disappointed, but I found it all the more amusing...and sort of handy since my six year old apparently was paying attention.

Here are some of the questions Aiden had for me regarding this show....they seem valid.

1. Where are those people going in the helicopter?

2.  Are they married?

3. Where did that food come from?  Are they at a restaurant?

4. What are those people doing on a boat?

5.  Is that guy different than the helicopter guy?

6.  Why do they kiss so much?

7.  Why are they so "crazy" about each other?

8.  Is she holding hands with that guy now?

9.  Why is she crying?

10. Why is she crying and holding flowers now?

After so much pausing and explaining, I finally gave Aiden an overview of the show so he could feel informed and probably be more successful in life.

Here's was my explanation:

That lady gets to put on a lot of fun clothes and an obscene amount of makeup to do fun things with a lot of different guys.  Then she gives flowers to the ones she likes the most, usually including some guys that no one with a partial brain would enjoy the company of for longer than half of one of the cocktail parties they have to attend every week.  The ones she doesn't like as much don't get flowers and have to go home and are usually really mad and immature because every one thinks they are awesome, but it turns out the more you think that, the less awesome you really are.  At the end she finds just one guy that she thinks she really loves and says she is going to marry, but she probably won't because life isn't as good when we don't travel by helicopter and have to make your own food. 

He'll still get a flower though.

And this is why people's Moms probably pick the best person to marry.  Remember that.

He looked at me like I'm insane, told me that was weird, and went to watch Yogi Bear.

He's pretty wise. 

He would be such a good Bachelor.

Linking up to Shell's Pour Your Heart Out!  Check out her blog here.


Anonymous said...

Hilarious! And I agree that moms will pick the best women for their sons!

Kmama said...

I love your synopsis!

Don't feel bad about him watching The Bachelorette. My kids like to watch COPS. I can't explain that one away.

Samantha said...

*Also, I love your photo...every kid has a VERY different reaction on their face!

Ducky said...

You explain the Bachelorette....I explain TurtleMan...Call of the Wildman.

Hmmm....I'm sure there is something indicative in that information. Can't quite put my finger on it...the trailer is shaking again. Damn kids must be running....brb

Mel said...

The advanced course would be teaching Jersey Shore:)

Patricia Purcell said...

So funny! My husband tends not to notice if the kids have come into the room and he's watching a grown up show, so they've caught portions of all kinds of crazy shows.

Shell said...

Perfect explanation!

Adrienne said...

LOVE THIS!!!!! As always, I'm cracking up!!