It had all the elements of normal life with three children out here in the suburbs; a six year old soccer game, lunch at a burger place, lots of time mowing grass and asking small people to pick things up or stop crying, we even got a little crazy and had two families over for dinner. There were sandbox castles and bubbles and lots of messes.
All of that was wonderful, but normal.
What made it extraordinary was that I took a risk. I tried to do something that is beyond my everyday routine, and it was exhilarating. It was empowering.
I auditioned for the Austin Listen To Your Mother Show.
If you don't know what that is, check out the link here. Basically it's an opportunity for about ten or so selected woman to share their live readings of motherhood with an audience. It's an empty stage with a brave woman sharing her, at times, thoughts and emotions about motherhood in general.
I attended the show here last year with a good friend and it was amazing. I was so impressed with the women. The whole show was funny, heartfelt, and honest. I loved it.
I immediately wanted to be a part of it.
So when I saw the tweet (can we all agree that's a horrible word that sort-of sounds like teat?) about auditions for this year's show, I spent hours working on what I wanted to say. In Austin you submit an essay and then are either asked to come audition or not.
I was blessed with an audition.
It felt amazing to even be honored with the opportunity to try out for the show. I loved working on that piece and finding the words that meant the most to me about my story. I loved putting myself out there and doing something that felt like a risk. I loved that it had nothing to do with my children, well except for their existence so that I could have material to discuss, of course.
I loved saying that I had "an audition." I had a reason to curl my hair and put on a dry clean only shirt and leave Alex with all three kids in the middle of the day. I love that he was wishing me good luck. For once I had something big to do and he was being left to make peanut butter and jelly and beg children to nap.
It felt so much more powerful than my blog, and I LOVE my blog.
I write this blog because it keeps me sane. I love dumping all my thoughts and feelings into this blank space and then spending time, sometimes not enough, constructing those emotions and experiences in to something someone might want to read. I'm even OK with that someone simply being me....though the comments and the rising number of page views don't exactly depress me.
(It's possible I absolutely find a thrill from them.)
But I write for me. I sort of write for the idea of leaving a mark about this insane, confusing, and sometimes confining time in my life so that my children and I can all look back at all of it to reflect, but maybe none of us will want to look back? I can only assume the future is going to kick this time in my life's ass...but maybe not.
I also sort of write for the idea that some other woman out there that I don't even know might need me. I love that woman. I like that she thinks she sees a bit of herself in me, or at the very least finds me amusing enough to periodically read. I cherish that. I love you woman I don't know.
I don't know if I will make it in to the show or not yet, but the thrill of trying was so sweet. I would be lying if I said that it was sweet enough that I am OK not making it, but there is something to be said for feeling like I went for something, no holding back, no excuses, no kids....just me and my words.
It reminded me to try more. It brought back a feeling of wanting something that was sort of scary to do, but worth it because of the joy of taking the chance on me.
I strongly urge any of you in a Listen To Your Mother city to go see it. It's raw and beautiful and simply awesome. I think most of the auditions are done, but if you like to write at all, think about auditioning next year. You won't be disappointed.
And if you live in the Austin area, I'll be there either way and would love to hang out.
There's a cash bar after the show so really there are no losers here.
Thank you Ann Imig for staring this very cool opportunity for the very "normal" Mom like me.
Side note: Despite the fact that this post was not funny at all, unless you have a really strange sense of humor, I would love it if you would mosey to the right side of my screen and click on the Circle of Mom's icon under the Vote for The Mommy Therapy heading. You can then scroll through and vote for me, or someone else, but let's remember who led you there.
I was in the top 25 last year, and though it really doesn't mean much, it was fun to get some new readers from being in it. Also, I make t-shirts that read, "I Voted For The Mommy Therapy, What The Hell Have You Done?" for everyone that votes for me*, and that's difficult to turn down.
Just do it.**
**Nike did not sponsor this post....just to clear up any confusion.