It felt huge to be rejected, and it felt worse to walk around my house afterwards looking at the insurmountable piles of laundry, the fridge of unprepared food, and the children with constant needs. After reading the email I cried and thought I should never write again, or I should try to get a part time job at Starbucks or the mall, just to get out of the house more without my children.
I am really good at keeping things in perspective when faced with bad news obviously. In my defense I had just started my period and was almost immediately pooped on by Stella. That's bound to elicit a few downer emotions, right?
To be honest, I've been feeling a little bored, and there are few things less productive and happy than boredom with your life. I am trying to regroup, because that seems a lot more reasonable. Unfortunately, being reasonable isn't my favorite action when I am upset, but I'm working on it.
I don't want to do a whole post about it though. I feel a bit embarrassed about it, though I know I shouldn't, and discussing it at length only amplifies everything. No need for that.
Today marked the beginning of spring break for my two older boys.
(Stella is permanently on spring break, she's so wild.)
I have had mixed feelings about this week. One the one hand, it's spring break and that phrase alone is a powerful expression of fun and excitement. It's supposed to conjure up images of freedom, fun, sun burns and tequila shots. I have had some of my favorite weeks of life during spring break.
Surely one of my kids will be old enough to do tequila shots. I mean, Aiden's six and a HALF.
One the other hand, spring break, along with summer, vacations, TV watching, shopping, going to the bathroom, going out to eat, etc. have lost their luster since having children. Mostly spring break means five days of all three kids with just me. All it screams to me is. "NO BREAK! NO BREAK!"
It's really loud.
I used to plan my spring break excursions months prior to the prized week. The perfect location, flight, swimsuit, and of course spending money for souvenirs like plastic yard glasses filled with margaritas that I can drink out of until I pass out on a Cancun bus, and then use later to wisely save pennies. I am really good with money.
(Mom and Dad, I did not pass out on a public bus in Cancun.)
(I fell asleep. I was tired, it wasn't my fault.)
No more though. Now I'm just out there searching for a play date people. Desperately seeking the right activity that can occupy ages 1-6 without me totally losing my mind, which is simply not easy.
Today, we went to a new park, which is right by our house and AMAZING. It is gated so no one can run off to the parking lot to be run over, or to smoke, or whatever else kids under six get in to these days. There are also all sort of different sections, including an entire music section, a fantastic playscape, and a huge simulation of a town complete with a grocery store, car wash, school, and house so my kids can learn early how mundane life in the burbs really can be. There is even...shade.
Praise God, someone in Texas realized it's really freakin' hot here and shade is key when you want to take your young children outdoors in July and not have them ignite in flames.
I would like to point out that my enthusiasm about this park is testimony enough that I need to get out.
After the playground we came home and I fed the kids cheese puffs and fruit juice for lunch.
No lie. DO NOT FREAK OUT MOM. I know that menu was difficult to hear, it was difficult to type.
I don't know what I was doing. I can only assume I was in some sort of spring break induced trance when I let Aiden choose what we had for lunch. I am NEVER that much fun.
I reigned them back in though by demanding two hours of silence while Stella napped so I could do things like fill my virtual shopping cart on Land of Nod with $400 worth of kid room accessories which I will never, ever purchase and search for reasons why my leg is itchy. I either have poison ivy or psoriasis or leprosy, Web MD wouldn't confirm my diagnosis, clearly Web MD didn't know it was spring break.
Alex called multiple times to check in on my sanity today. He couldn't care less about what the kids were doing, he called to be sure I would still be here when he got home from work. I know he's afraid he'll find Aiden distributing cheese balls and Izze sodas while Cole throws Legos on every inch of our floor and Stella walks on our iPad. He's right to be concerned.
He suggested I spend $400 on a blender I want and didn't balk when I told him I opened a Gap Visa yesterday afternoon to save 55% on a bunch of kids' clothes. He is so scared of me this week. I have all the power for the next five days. I've been working on my list of requests and shopping on line compulsively.
To wrap up our day we went to Sonic and purchased red colored drinks, because I'm clearly brain damaged, right before I hauled all three of them to the grocery store. We had one of those car carts with a bad attitude, refusing to be told which direction to turn. It made the whole experience extra exhilarating, but in all honesty the three of them were pretty well behaved for having to go to the grocery store for their Monday afternoon of spring break activity.
I credit their good behavior with years of teaching them to keep their expectations for fun painfully low when Mommy is in charge all day. All my hard work is really paying off.
Tomorrow I'm going to wear my bikini and bring all the kids' beach toys to Cole's first indoor swim lesson, just to up the spring break fun factor. I assume they don't mind extra family members in the pool. It's going to be an awesome thirty minutes. I wonder what we'll do with the other nine hours of the day?
Whatever it is, it will be WILD for sure. I had t-shirts made for everyone that read "It's Spring Break With My Mommy Bitch."
Mom, I did not. I wouldn't waste my money on custom tees for my children when Alex is giving the green light on fancy blenders and Gap apparel. I'm not that girl passed out, I mean asleep, on the Mexican bus anymore. I'm responsible and probably taking the kids to buy Crocs tomorrow. Nothing says grown up like plastic shoes.
Pass the red drink and cheese balls please, Day Two of Spring Break happens in a mere 11 hours.
Wish me luck!
I'll report back tomorrow night with details, surely even more exciting than today's mind blowing experience. I might even take a photo or TWO. Watch out.
Also, I have been horrible at harrassing everyone to vote for me on the Circle of Moms Top 25 Funniest Mom Blogs. PLEASE click on the icon under Vote For The Mommy Therapy, then click vote next to my blog...which is currently in a pathetic 44th place.
Remember how sad it was to hear that I didn't make it in to the Listen To Your Mother Show?
Let's cheer me up, right?