Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Surely This Isn't My Fault - PYHO

Do you ever wonder how the assholes of the world got that way? 

I used to assume they all grew up in houses filled with anger, or were spoiled rotten with material possessions, but were starved for love.  I figured they all were emotionally empty and had parents that ripped them apart and gave them no chance for high self esteem, certainly never providing countless sticker oriented praise charts. 

I always assumed they had a diet much too low in fiber and probably watched way too much fake wrestling on TV.  Surely they spent all their time looking at Corvettes in car magazines.  But, what if I was wrong?

The last few days have shook me to the core.  I'm terrified that perhaps some assholes are just born that way, perhaps even to a sparkling young couple like Alex and myself.

Aiden has been in rare form since we returned from Houston on Sunday evening.  He's been rude to the whole family.  He's particularly harsh with Cole and I even saw him start crying and yelling after Stella took his pencil.  (Perhaps it's really asshole with a hint of pansy?)

This morning he actually ripped a shirt out of my hands and threw it across his bedroom like a diva.  He's demanding food constantly and complaining about every type of ailment known to man.  He's cranky about everything, every request or statement is met with an eye roll, a shout, or a growl. 

What's that?  A growl isn't a usual response to displeasure for a human being? 

Fine, I know.  It's been bothering/amusing Alex and I for a while now but it's just his way.  We aren't sure if we should reprimand him or just take him to a vet.  I don't even think he knows he's doing it most of the time, it's just his natural instinct. 

(Perhaps Alex is part bear and never thought to tell me and now has passed this down to our son...which would explain the growling, and the ridiculous amount of hair on Alex.)

I've been pulling child behavior reference material off the bookshelves around the house all day. I'm doing a panic read through all of them, scanning for the miracle method that will turn our situation around fast. None of these books have been read cover to cover by the way. All of my books on child behavior and sleep are read in moments of desperation and hopelessness such as this. I really feel there's no other way to do it.  I can scout out the highlights and devise a plan which will bring us, at least temporary relief, in less than thirty minutes. I don't have time for all the details, just tell me how to make my child stop scowling and growling. 

Why isn't there anything under growling in the index of these books? What about bear-child? Asshole is there, but the reference material surprisingly doesn't apply to demeanor.

The truth is, as with most of my children's difficult phases thus far, I assume that with a little time and some firm boundaries, this too shall pass without the aid of any of my behavior books or medical intervention, but what if it doesn't?
 
What if this is just Aiden?  What if his "asshole potential," turned in to just asshole?  What if his life as an asshole started at the age of six?
 
I mean it has to happen I suppose.  It isn't like everyone in the entire world is super sweet. There are in fact a lot of assholes out there roaming around, living their lives, and they all have to start somewhere.  What if this is Aiden's beginning?
What if despite having the kindest, most loving parents on Earth, he runs awry and is just a jerk?

Or, perhaps more realistically, what if despite having parents that love him immensely, make him sticker charts, and do the best they can to teach him the correct path to follow, he just has his own plan, and it involves being a giant ass?

Who has horrible plans like that?

Our neighbors did just get a trampoline and maybe he's dislodged the part of his brain which allows him to be kind, permanently triggering his asshole self to emerge.  Maybe that's how all assholes are created.  Maybe if we just stopped buying every kid in the suburbs a trampoline, we could put an end to all of this insanity. 

I simply refuse to believe his asshole status is sticking, but there's a part of me that is definitely concerned.  I think I need to get on WebMD and see if I can nail this down. 

Maybe it's time for another sticker chart?

Surely my kid isn't really an asshole, he just acts like one....for now.

Oh, and Mom, I know...he's probably just not feeling well, or he's growing...or he's growing in to a giant jerk.  Anything is possible.

Linking up with Shell's Pour Your Heart Out.

12 comments:

Lynda Halliger-Otvos said...

Leslie, they must come from some mom somewhere or there wouldn't be any of them a****s out there. My third husband grew up with an older by two years brother who was, is and will always be a total jerk: loud, stupid, uneducated, dispassionate, unfeeling and cruel. Same mom as my husband--one would guess he had a totally diff upbringing and yet there he is.

So, I don't know about Aiden; cross your fingers and require that he understand the basics of interpersonal relationships before he leaves your home and then you have to let it all go... that's the hardest part, I have found. You still have lots of time to help him be a good man.

Lynn Nolte said...

Don't worry about it, Leslie. It's clearly the weather because Kathryn has been doing the same thing. Example 1: we're going to Walmart (sadly no Target in Brenham), and I pass up the first entrance. Kathryn told me in a sarcastic tone that I was going in the exit. I told her I wasn't and that she needed to watch her tone. She told me she'd said it 'in a nice voice.' Example 2: Harold was telling her a story this morning about something that he did as a child, and she said, 'Whatever, Dad,' as she walked out the door. That earned her a time out before 8am. Clearly, she dowsn't understand that I'm the only one that gets to use sarcastic and snippy tones at our house.

Lynn Nolte said...

Don't worry about it, Leslie. It's clearly the weather because Kathryn has been doing the same thing. Example 1: we're going to Walmart (sadly no Target in Brenham), and I pass up the first entrance. Kathryn told me in a sarcastic tone that I was going in the exit. I told her I wasn't and that she needed to watch her tone. She told me she'd said it 'in a nice voice.' Example 2: Harold was telling her a story this morning about something that he did as a child, and she said, 'Whatever, Dad,' as she walked out the door. That earned her a time out before 8am. Clearly, she dowsn't understand that I'm the only one that gets to use sarcastic and snippy tones at our house.

Kelli @ RTSM said...

I swear you just perfectly described the way that my oldest has been acting lately too...down to the eye roll and growling! And we just got a trampoline for Christmas so now I'm worried that maybe it has turned my kiddo into an asshole:) Seriously though I'm hoping it's just a stage and he will grow out of it soon! BTW funniest part of this whole post: Asshole is there, but the reference material surprisingly doesn't apply to demeanor.

Emmy said...

Definitely the trampolines fault- they always say those things are dangerous.

I have many many moments when my kids do things and I say, who are these kids?? this is now how we raised them. So yea, sometimes it just kind of sucks

Teresa said...

Oh good. I'm not alone. My son is 5 and has those days. I just stare at him like I don't even recognize him. I hope this passes.

Shell said...

Oh, this made me laugh. My oldest has been in a mood for a while now. And he irritates me so much. I love him, but he really does act like an asshole sometimes.

Baby Steps Mommy said...

First I love the transparency with which you wrote this!!! So pure...
it's a struggle! I definitely can agree. It's probably just a mood he's in...

alanna rose said...

I'm with you. My almost four year old...he has moods. ugh. I never know what to do with him. If it were not for the recent success of a sticker chart for appropriate school behavior, I am pretty sure his teacher was going to suggest we have him evaluated for an autism spectrum disorder.
Nope, he's just a sheister.

Good luck! Enjoy the happy moments...search for them if you must!

January Dawn said...

I could've written this about my son that just turned 4. He's not just being an asshole - he's being super aggressive too. Anything I say that he doesn't like, whack to the leg, chest, arm. I don't understand it. It's not like we use aggressive forms of punishment in our house...as much as I'd like to somedays. Maybe the other commenters are right...maybe it's just the weather, or the way the planets are aligned. I'll blame in on the universe. Surely it has nothing to do with us!

Keri said...

This sounds familiar. Except I was asking myself how a then-six-year-old girl could have PMS every.single.day. I'm not even that moody!

momnextdoor said...

Thank you for writing "asshole with a hint of pansy." I can't even type that without laughing! It is truly perfect!

But total suckage that he's being all assholey! (I don't mean to imply he has more than one hole in his ass. Although, that might explain his behavior?)

I do know kids go through "phases" but that doesn't help when you are going through it. I guess as long as he knows "asshole" is not an acceptable behavior he will get over it eventually. Just don't give in. They sense weakness. Don't give in!

Good luck!!