Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Lessons Learned While Cleaning My House

As I reached for the doorknob on my way out of the house to pick up Cole, my hand stuck to the knob.

This seemed like a sign directly from God. 

It seemed to say clearly, "Your house is nasty.  Quit avoiding it and clean immediately."

I hate mean signs.

It was true though, my house really needed to be cleaned.  So after Aiden got off the bus, I distributed Nilla Wafers and Nutella with milk for all three kids, informed them I was going to be cleaning all afternoon and their expectations of me should be lower than usual, and I dove right in.

Since I feel like I might fall over from exhaustion, I figured I'd simply share some of the revelations I had while cleaning.

1. Acting enthusiastic and calling clean-up a game does not elicit a more positive response from children being told to clean up all their stuff.

2. I would be a horrible maid.  I would never show up at a regularly scheduled day and time, I am easily grossed out by my own family's nastiness, and I get progressively more and more lazy the longer I clean, eventually stashing things under furniture and pretending I don't see spots.

3. Cleaning, like most things, is best done to music. As with running, Eminem, Pitbull, Rhianna and the like were excellent partners in attacking the grime today.

4. I am capable of accomplishing almost anything in an insanely small amount of time if someone else will occupy my children. 

5. Just like sex, cleaning always sounds horrible, but once you get going you are happy to be getting it done.

6. Also like sex, cleaning is best done with rubber gloves. (Fine, that has nothing to do with sex, rubber gloves really do make cleaning better though.)

7. Living with three males means there is a lot of urine in a lot of places.  I simply don't understand what is happening and wonder if medical attention should be sought.

8. Cole picks his nose a lot more diligently than I had once thought, and dried snot does not come off a headboard with Pledge.

9. I am a bit of a bleach junkie.  I know it's really bad for us and all, but I really don't feel like things are clean without it.

10.  I have now watched four seasons, and 87 episodes of Gossip Girl and none of the people on that show would be cleaning their house.  I am a worse person for seeing all 87 shows, but now I am desperately seeking season five.  Anyone?

8 comments:

Kelli @ RTSM said...

I have four males in my house and it amazes me how gross their bathroom can get so quickly! The only time I ever go in their bathroom is to clean it...and that isn't often enough:)

momnextdoor said...

We live in America, right? Shouldn't we all have maids and butlers and stuff? I know my life would be a lot better with a maid...and definitely a chef! I could live with a chef and a maid.

I think I need to buy myself a Powerball ticket. That sounds so much better than cleaning my house!

Amanda I said...

#5 was hilarious! I had a discussion with my hubby yesterday about the fact I should not have to clean the toilet since 90% of the mess is not caused by me. Why can't they aim better??

Tara said...

Haha! Number 5 is my favorite - and oh so true! :)

Mel said...

I do often think of how the big, fabulous television homes of fake TV families get clean. Because I am boring. And jealous. And want a cleaning person so I can ignore things like grimy showers and sticky door knobs.

Toni said...

I live with three males and, thankfully, I do have a cleaning lady. I hate to tell you this, but my sons are teenagers and their bathroom is more frightening now than it was when they were little. My boys are on swim team and play water polo. Presently, there is a flutter board and a water polo ball among the clutter.

Missy said...

I hate cleaning my house more than anything, anything, anything! Glad you got it done!

Two Normal Moms said...

The urine... I have no explanation either. It's just... gross. It requires rubber gloves and bleach!

Gah. I hate cleaning the house.