Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Topic Jumping, But Only To Avoid Head Injury

I have a huge list of things I have written down during chaotic and horrible moments around here the last few days to turn in to blog posts. Finding the time to write full posts though as been impossible though.  Here's my brain dump so my head doesn't explode. 

We do not want my head to explode. 

It's my birthday on Friday and I think I should have a full head for my party. 

I'm high maintenance like that.
I enjoyed the entire two and a half day holiday trip, 90% of the time....which is a pretty huge success.

There were sleep problems, of course, but they were mostly with Stella and it's easier to not get angry at her about sleeping than the boys.  I think because she's younger, but possibly because she is also cuter at this point.  I mean, she still finds great joy in finding her belly button and can play with a stack of cups for approximately 20 minutes, that's good stuff.

 There were lots of cousins, but since they are all getting a little older everyone plays pretty well together without interference. This is the area where Stella's cuteness earns her zero points.  She required a great deal of interference, like can't sit and eat all the delicious food type of interference.  Otherwise though, the kids ate and played independently and that was sort of fantastic.

Well, except when Cole hit his cousin Emma in the head with a metal hoe.  That was sort of a horrible accident, but she turned out to be fine, and the good news was that I was able to make a series of jokes about Emma being in a rap video and getting hit by a hoe, etc. 

It was all very exciting, trust me.  I'm super funny.

Apparently I'm married to a hunter.  We are gun owners, teaching our kids about different gun "tips", and Alex and Aiden  brought home a cow skull from their weekend hunting trip.  This is uncomfortable for me. This could only be made worse if Alex started dipping and using the word "fixin,'" both of which make me really uncomfortable unless I am talking to a character of some sort. Believe it or not, more uncomfortable than the cow bones littered next to my driveway.

Stella has been sick since we returned from Houston, making life rough for everyone.

(This is actually a lie, I'm pretty much the only one affected other than her trying to bite Cole more often than usual, and that doesn't really bother him.  I, however, am very bothered by her ailments.) 

She just has a cold, as in a constant running of snot which invades all of her food, rubs on all my furniture, and giving her a kiss is disgusting, which is sad but true. The worst part is that her sleep has been thoroughly jacked, which thoroughly jacks my sleep, which makes me very unpleasant.

I am full of restlessness and sadness.  I'm lonely, I'm bored, I'm frustrated.  I'm Googling therapists and in general a big ball of tears.  I'm spending time in my closet reading my two year bible, weeks at a time and wondering what I am doing that causes me to hide from two small people that can't even make a sandwich.

I think the culprits are: loneliness, too much trapped time with kids (especially Stella,) and my lack of sleep.  My solutions are: employment, winning the lottery so I can afford sitters, and sucking it up because I'm just so annoying. 

Aiden and Cole have been arguing for the last two days straight about whether or not Cole was bitten by a black widow spider (with yellow spots,) as he claims.  The argument is equal parts annoying as hell and hilarious.  Cole adds more and more determination and very specific lunacy to his genuine belief that he was in fact bitten by a black widow, while Aiden reaches insanity trying to explain to Cole why this is impossible.  Each of Cole's details, involving aliens, special serums, actual death, and Jesus bring Aiden to the point of tears with his anger and frustration.  It's quite amazing to watch.

I spent an hour sorting Legos by color this morning.  I actually fought with Stella over her tendency to disorganize my hard work, completely incapable of catching on to the system I devised with put blue and green Legos together, never blue and gray.  What is wrong with her?  I mean, me?  The most pathetic thing was that this was my favorite part of the day until my friend Jenn came over around 3.

I think anyone struggling at all with what contentment as a stay at home Mom should read this.  It's just a great post of tips, things to think about, and how to move forward in your life as a stay at home Mom. 

Over the last few weeks, Cole has been telling Alex and me stories about two little boys on the playground whom are "mean" to him. He calls them Lamb and Lambs.  These names are almost as insane as how his stories start with someone pushing someone else and then end with his favorite friend, Brianna, being spun and thrown over the fence, right before Cole runs out of the playground to get the police. 

We had no clue what to believe and then he pointed Lambs out to us at the Thanksgiving Feast his school had.  Turns out Lambs is Vance, and after a quick discussion with his teacher, Lamb is Liam.  Cole refuses to accept these new names and is sticking firm to Lamb and Lambs, of course.

Oh, and apparently his teacher has never seen Brianna thrown over a fence.  I wonder if Cole is just watching more closely? 

In case you forget what they look like, here is my photo dump as well. 

I bribed them with Starbucks for cooperating during an intense visit to Origins.
First ponytail!
Stella loves her Aiden.
Aiden always wants a photo taken.  He is still working on wiping his mouth after sandwich eating.

She carried around her new shoes boxes with such joy.  Love having a girl.

Peace out people! 

Yes, I know I really can't say that.


A said...

Hi Leslie, you don't know me but I have been following your adventures for some months now and wanted to tell you I'm always happy to read your posts. I actually found your blog this past summer while googling Popsicle recipes that don't taste like poo (made a bad batch that crystallized and lost all faith in my ability to freeze juice into a tasty treat, has this ever happened to you? It shook my world). Anyway, I stumbled upon a recipe-ish of yours. Your hilarity and ability to turn mundane daily events into long posts that effectively toned my tummy kept me reading. You maybe should consider adding personal trainer to your resume, should you seriously pursue the whole employment thing.

I hope the thought that your blog has entertained a married lesbian from Californcursory only my two dogs to call my kids (but who is looking to have the upright walking and talking variety in the next few years) has given your life a sense of purpose for a moment or two. Not that you don't have one. But I think it's fairly rad that I have almost nothing in common with you but still find your writing hilarious and inspiring.

I'm Alli. Thanks for writing, don't forget to come out of hiding to keep doing it. I am a fan. Oh, and have a fabulous birthday. :)

A said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
A said...

Um, that should have been "from California with only my dogs." This is what happens when you reply to a blog post from your iPhone after a glass of wine. Have a good day. :)

Tara said...

I think your blog is so heartfelt and funny. You write great stories, which is most likely where Cole gets his ability from. :-)

I hope you are able to work out the stay at home mom thing. I really admire anyone that can do it for any time. I did it for almost 2 years with my first and couldn't run back to work fast enough when I had the chance.

I wish I had some advice for how to get through this, but I don't know.

Your kids are beautiful and seem to bring you such joy. I love your blog and your writing, and I hope your writing can help you to gather your thoughts and figure a course of action.

momnextdoor said...

I love you. Oh, I'm sorry, was that too much since I don't actually know you? Well, whatever, I've come to terms with it, I think it's high time you do the same.

I would very much be hiding in my closet if I had to stay home with my kids. I love them dearly but mommy doesn't want to kill them. No promises if I had to be with them ALL THE TIME!

I know babysitting is expensive but since you aren't making any income now maybe getting a job that just covers babysitting costs is worth it? You know, to your sanity and all. It's got to be cheaper then doctor bills. Just a thought. :-)

Two Normal Moms said...

Dippin and Fixin - if those happen, you must seek intervention immediately. :)

Oh the snot of little colds! Ugh! I feel for you.

Enjoy your birthday this week!

Jemima said...

I love the way you write and your humour, i can always come here and have a good laugh...:)

alanna rose said...

Happy Birthday!

I get it, and I have the same feelings. It's nice to know I'm not alone :)