Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Oh Adele, Shut Up, I Can't Hear Cole's Orders!

I had another one of my headaches today.  I know, I know, this blog has more or less turned into a place for me to record my medical history.  You're welcome.

They say you should keep a medical journal though. 

"They" is of course my Mother.  Or Dr. OZ, I don't remember which.  Both should be listened to at all costs.

Or ignored.  I don't remember.

Anyway, my sinus headache took over my ability to process information, talk, or simply move without pain, but I unfortunately couldn't get that new Adele song, "Someone Like You" out of my mind.  Over and over and over again.  The girl wouldn't stop

Please do not misinterpret my frustration, I LOVE that song.  I love trying to sing along to it because it is way too high for my already horrid singing voice so it is just a brutal experience for anyone near me when I'm belting it out with her.  (You can't let someone in that much pain sing alone.) 

My children are most often exposed to this horrible sound, which is sort of a parenting bonus because it's payback for the millions of annoying noises, etc. they have put me through over the last six years.

So while Adele is trying to make me cry and can't stop telling me how it's all cool that her dude has moved on because she can just find another one like him and my head was pounding...there was Cole.

He had his four year check up yesterday and received FIVE shots.  It was brutal, but he handled it pretty well.  Unfortunately he was up all night and then up at 6 this morning burning with fever. 

Freakin' shots.

Of course his fever and general inability to stop moaning meant he wasn't going to school and I was going to have to wait on him. 

Aiden is a good sick kid.  He mainly sleeps, watches TV, and just wants his water cup filled.  We all realized Stella is a fantastic sick kid and basically just hangs in her crib.  Those two are gems when ill, sometimes easier than when well.

Cole, on the other hand, is high maintenance.  He's a moaner.  He whines.  He whimpers.  He is dramatic.

Trying to get him to go to the bathroom this morning he simply fell on the floor and screamed, "they just don't work!  I can't move my legs!"

I have to admit, I've heard enough crazy vaccine talk that for a brief moment I thought, "Holy shit!  The drugs have paralyzed him!  He's going to need a wheelchair.  I'll probably have to push it.  I'll have to get a full-size van.  I wasn't cut out to be a Mom of a special needs child, I can barely handle my three perfectly healthy ones.  This is the entire reason I didn't drink while pregnant! Crap!"

Fine, it was a long, brief moment. 

(Anyone commenting that a moment can not be simultaneously brief and long will be shot.)

Then I remembered that Cole can be nuts and I stood him up and made him walk a little.

It was a miracle.  I'm basically a healer with my hands.  I'm a lot like Jesus...or those evangelical preachers that always end up getting caught with prostitutes or drugs.  Wait, what am I talking about?

I spent the next seven hours trying to get Cole comfortable. 

Here is what I heard from 7 am - 1 pm from Cole.

Please whine and/or drag out each syllable of the italicized words.

"Juice Mommy!"

"Will you please just sit and look at me?"

"I need water!  My water is gone!"

"The water is too cold."

"My tea is too hot."

"I'm starving!"

"I'm more starving because you aren't fast."

"Will you just dip an ice cube in my tea until it feels just right?"

"I can't believe my eyes! Chips! You gave me chips Mommy!"

"Will you change the channel?  I don't watch commercials."

All the while Stella is running around like someone slipped her some speed.  I wish someone would slip me speed.

She squealed with delight as she dragged all the dirty laundry around the house and made little stacks and piles for herself.  I quickly learned that the purpose of the piles was to have something to throw random, mostly tiny, objects on like dice, Lego pieces, small swords and knives, raisins, and puzzle pieces.  At least she didn't want me and never once requested her beverage temperature to be altered. 

I had enough going on trying to serve King Cole and keep things emotionally in check for Adele.

That woman can sing some pain!  Why doesn't that man want her?  What are these things this new woman is giving to him that she didn't?  Why is he acting differently?  The questions go on and on as I'm searching for Cole worthy television and adjusting the temperature of beverages.

I was basically a slave all day to Cole's whims, my throbbing head, and Adele's emotions

Once Cole was functional though I high tailed it to Walgreens to seek out new and exciting drugs for my sinus issues.  I think we can all agree it's quite an issue now.

I was very excited to say that this trip to Walgreens included me dressed fully, including under garments, and mostly pulled back hair.  I looked and acted substantially less like a meth addict than the last trip. I felt 100% innocent signing that contract that I would not make meth from my sinus medication.
You can read about my last trip to Walgreens here.  It was fun.

Unfortunately Stella was covered in remnants from a cupcake, crazy hair, and no shoes, and I may or may not have still been singing that damn Adele song, but Cole was totally presentable by this point.  I even successfully purchased more drugs and my new go-to joy....sinus spray!  I felt better within 15 minutes.

Adele still won't leave me alone though.  Am I the only one that can't get it out of my head and feel emotionally wrecked every time I listen to it?  I'm starting to get a little annoyed at her. 

Cole has, for the moment, left me least until I have to take a thermometer and ice cube to his room at 3 am for his water.


Lynda Halliger-Otvos said...

Wow. That’s a lot of hassle from a little kid, no? I haven’t had the pleasure of a buddy like that—ever !~! Sending love and hearing you on the nasal spray being your new best friend.

Kimberly said...

I like that he was so excited about chips. Cute little punk. Five shots is a lot for a little boy! I'm glad you survived. And I hope your sinus issues clear up for good soon!

Kelli @ RTSM said...

Poor guy and poor momma! I have one high maintenance kiddo too and his whining happens even when he isn't sick! I hope everyone is feeling better soon!

Lorilynne said...

That song is ALWAYS in my head. But I only know some of the words so it's like the record keeps skipping. Yes, I just said record, which of course shows my age.....
I probably shouldn't have laughed so much because Piper (and my husband....actually he may be worse) is exactly the same way when she gets sick but kids are so funny when they exaggerate.

Missy said...

That exchange between you and Cole cracked me up. Why? Because it's just like my youngest! I have one child who is AWESOME when she's sick. The other one is like a drill sergeant. When she's sick I want to go AWOL. Seriously.

momnextdoor said...

"I can't believe my eyes!" That was the BEST! (And exactly how I feel about potato chips too!)

Cole sounds like my son when he's sick. It's super fun, right? Did you know that if you whine back to them (e.g. But I don't waaaant to go get you another drink) they don't really like it and whine even more. Just so you know.

Yay for nasal spray!!

Emmy said...

Old King Cole just needs his butcher and baker and... shoot just forgot the rest of it.
Sorry he was sick- never fun

Jen said...

I have that song stuck in my head all the time!!
And sorry about your headaches...I get migraines...ugh!

Footprints of Peace said...

I just popped in from another blog because I found your title interesting. I truly hope you feel better. I use to suffer from sinus problems really bad, and here in Colorado were it's really dry made it worse. Have you tried using saline solution daily, and then following with a little, very little, vaseline in the nose cavities. It really works! Again, I hope you feel better.

Two Normal Moms said...

I've had Adele in my head all day today. Ever since the radio DJ said she cancelled some concerts because of hemorrhaging vocal cords. (I kid you not.) Then played a song of hers. So then I have a visual to go with her voice. Awesome.

travis said...

Good thing she's able to recover. You also need to take good care of your voice and teeth by visiting a mount pleasant dentist.