Tuesday, October 25, 2011

I'm Just Here For The Child Care, Lady

I was reprimanded for my form in body sculpting class today.  I was putting away my weights when my instructor tapped me on the shoulder and said, "I need to see you for a few moments after class about your lunging form."

If you are friends with me on Facebook then this is not news to you, though I am surprised my Mom is the only one to call me to follow up on why I wasn't using the proper form during my class.  Isn't any one else worried that I was misbehaving in class?

I swear I wasn't in trouble Mom.

I hadn't been to the class much in the last month so I know I was a little lazy on my technique due to my lack of strength. I also had forgotten to eat breakfast and felt a little shaky a few minutes in so I began to sneak from a bag of fruit snacks I had in my purse.

I have never been so thankful to have children that are perpetually hungry while we are out, forcing me to carry emergency snacks like this in my purse.

Fruit snacks wouldn't have been my number one choice for food at the time, but it seemed excessively awkward and possibly disgusting to try to eat a granola bar or squeezeable applesacue.  It's quite challenging though to eat even apple fruit snacks while balancing a ball between your thighs and holding three pound weights.

(Yes, I only use three pound weights.  I'm just a small person, I can't handle the bigger ones without having to lie down mid-class on my step board, and that just feels more pathetic than the small weights.)

(I'm actually lying, I really use 2.5 pound weights.  They are so easy to hold and I feel very strong and powerful while using them. My instructor said it was OK so I'm not even cheating.  Much.)

I'm not sure if I was trying to shove fruit snacks in my mouth while lunging, but I'm pretty confident that it could have been part of the problem. Well, I thought that until I started working with the instructor. 

She asked me to do a lunge for her to critique, which felt a little ridiculous.  I know proper form is everything to not hurting yourself and getting the most out of the exercise.....but, I mean, really lady?  I'm not going to be a professional body sculptor any time soon. 

There is free childcare during this class and I like the music.  For a little over an hour I am free!

She should actually be grateful that I don't just break into freestyle dancing mid-class and steal that cool headset she wears, because that's what I want to do. I have to actually tell myself over and over (in my head, don't worry,) that I should just stick to the moves that are being part of the class and not break out on my own. 

Sometimes though it's so difficult.  All those mirrors, loud music, tight clothing, it's almost like a club.  Not that I really remember what a club is like, it just seems like we should be dancing instead of just kicking our legs back and doing squats.

As my instructor started to correct my form I instantly became self concious of the fact that I wear underwear to work out.  I spend a lot of time in that class looking at other women's asses, because that's simply the way it goes in there, and I have yet to see a single pantyline.  Some women's pants are so tight that I can actually see their bare ass when the fabric pulls. 

Why doesn't anyone want to wear underwear when getting that sweaty?

The instructor was doing a lot of pushing in on my butt and she was dangerously close to the crotch area, surely she was thinking I was some sort of old maid wearing underwear.  Surely she noticed me eating fruit snacks, and now that I was wearing underwear, this woman must think me a total idiot.

I almost asked her about the rule for undergarmets while exercising, I mean she's a professional, but I was too consumed in trying to line up my ear, shoulder, hip, and feet.  I was overwhelmed, and still hungry.  Those fruit snacks weren't gone, but I was terrified to reach for a snack during this personal attention to my lunging.

After a lot of pushing and grabbing I did indeed master proper form.  I'm not sure I'll be able to do it while eating though, I really need to remember to try to have a meal before I go next time.

I promise I will not get in trouble again Mom.


Dwija {House Unseen} said...

You got held back after class????? Oh no! Fie on that woman and her booty-touchin' ways...

Lynda Halliger-Otvos said...

Lunge this, bay-bee !~!

Who wants to be called to the office after freaking exercise class-for crying out loud, Lay-dee.

Kimberly said...

I got as far as "fruit snacks" then my preggo brain got sidetracked. Hehe. I would totally have worn underwear to class, too. Maybe this is a way to get a free personal trainer...

Desperate Housemommy said...

Oh, this is so me. I'm the delinquent, the bad student, in my Pilates Reformer class. Slap my hand with a ruler.

Also - I remember those days when I would do just about anything if it allowed me to escape The Cherubs for an hour. Dentist? Gynecologist? Woo-hoo! I'm in...and I'll bring the chardonnay!

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

See, she cares about you. If she didn't have your fruit snackin' bum with the pretty weights, what joy would she have? I stared at asses in class too. Also, when i run in races. I mean, they are there bouncing at you the whole way and all.

lcarp51 said...

Kinda had a hard time focusing after you mentioned grabbing the headset and dancing. I had to stop myself from looking for the "Let's Get Physical" video with good old ONJ.

Shell said...

That is crazy!

I've used the free babysitting at the gym to take a shower in peace. Probably more than I've used it to workout!

Amanda @ Serenity Now said...

You poor girl! This is why I don't go to my gym anymore!! ;)

Prudently Painted Vintage said...

Lol! Oh leslie you bad girl you! I can totally picture you with the headphones on and blasting that Jlo song. I would totally go to your class AND I would be wearing underwear! Whoooo! More classy points for me. Yay!

Shell made me laugh about using the daycare to take a shower in peace. Hmmm may have to try.

Two Normal Moms said...

I wear underwear too - I don't care how many cotton panels they sew into workout clothes! LOL

KSK said...

Haha! She kept you after class??! That's awesome... and maybe a little after school special - with her groping you and all...??

*I totally wear underwear to workout!! ...but now I'm going to have to check out everyone else. **If I get labelled the skeevy perv because I'm checking out people's asses.. I'm blaming you! ;)

momnextdoor said...

Seriously, they don't wear underwear?

See, just another reason I don't work out. I have no idea about all this workout etiquette. How is a person who only watches Nick Jr. supposed to know things like "don't wear underwear to workout class"?

Missy said...

How about hold you after class to say "good for you, working out with young children. Keep up the good work." How 'bout THAT?