Alex and I don't talk. I am cranky, he's at work. The kids simultaneously drive me nuts and are the joy I cling to...but mostly they drive me nuts. I need a challenge. I need to snap out of it. I need something I have yet to define, but pray every day for to fill me up. I'm working on it.
Until it happens though, here are the signs that I am officially funked.
- I started crying at WalMart because my purchases to make snack for Cole's preschool this week exceeded the amount of cash I had left for the week. I had to empty the change in my wallet to pay for bags of pretzels, goldfish, cereal, and yogurt....and I forgot I was supposed to save $20 to get Aiden's haircut for picture day tomorrow. I will forever look back on his kindergarten photo and remember it as the time we couldn't afford a kid haircut.
- Alex can do no right, but nothing feels me with rage faster than him not wanting to hang out with me. What's not fun to hang out with now? Who wouldn't want to sort through my Pinterest pins with me on a Friday night and listen to my woes?
- I didn't feel the slightest bit of emotion over the entire Kim Kardashian wedding special on E. It's like I don't have a heart. Did anyone else see how challenging that seating chart was to put together? I clearly should have cared more, possibly even shed tears.
- I cried over the lack of Halloween decor in our home. Halloween is a holiday I am annoyed I have to decorate for, but I was determined to be fun this year. Is crying some sort of spooky fun?
- I actually peed in the kids' bathroom, completely breaking my rule of never using the same toilet as Aiden and Cole and their inability to aim. I've lost my will to remain clean.
- I've completely neglected the planning of this week's Craft Night. It is truly a shame.
- I have eaten leftover roasted chicken, potatoes, and carrots daily since Saturday, too lazy to cook something new.
- My David Sedaris book hasn't elicited a laugh-out-loud moment in three days...and I know there have been several brilliant lines that should have given me immense joy. I'm so sorry David.
- I felt complete apathy about Columbus Day and the entire celebration of the Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria other than a profound sense of loss at the idea of not having mail delivered so I could shuffle through another catalogue. What kind of an American am I?
- I've started day dreaming about a job at my former place of employment, a place of pure dysfunction that sounds so appealing and healthy compared to fighting with my children over picking up their belongings for the 6,000th time.
Until then, I have long showers of soul searching and glasses of wine that can quell my cranky edge just enough to believe Alex will probably not run off to Mexico so I stop being such a basket case. Probably.