Tuesday, October 11, 2011

I'm All Funked Up

I'm in a funk.  It's been around since I first got sick a few weeks ago and I simply can not shake it.  I physically feel better, but mentally I am dragging.  Emotionally, I am beyond blah.  I'm totally funked.

Alex and I don't talk.  I am cranky, he's at work.  The kids simultaneously drive me nuts and are the joy I cling to...but mostly they drive me nuts.  I need a challenge.  I need to snap out of it.  I need something I have yet to define, but pray every day for to fill me up.  I'm working on it.

Until it happens though, here are the signs that I am officially funked.

  1. I started crying at WalMart because my purchases to make snack for Cole's preschool this week exceeded the amount of cash I had left for the week.  I had to empty the change in my wallet to pay for bags of pretzels, goldfish, cereal, and yogurt....and I forgot I was supposed to save $20 to get Aiden's haircut for picture day tomorrow.  I will forever look back on his kindergarten photo and remember it as the time we couldn't afford a kid haircut. 
  2. Alex can do no right, but nothing feels me with rage faster than him not wanting to hang out with me.  What's not fun to hang out with now?  Who wouldn't want to sort through my Pinterest pins with me on a Friday night and listen to my woes?  
  3. I didn't feel the slightest bit of emotion over the entire Kim Kardashian wedding special on E. It's like I don't have a heart.  Did anyone else see how challenging that seating chart was to put together?  I clearly should have cared more, possibly even shed tears.
  4. I cried over the lack of Halloween decor in our home. Halloween is a holiday I am annoyed I have to decorate for, but I was determined to be fun this year.  Is crying some sort of spooky fun?
  5. I actually peed in the kids' bathroom, completely breaking my rule of never using the same toilet as Aiden and Cole and their inability to aim.  I've lost my will to remain clean.
  6. I've completely neglected the planning of this week's Craft Night.  It is truly a shame.
  7. I have eaten leftover roasted chicken, potatoes, and carrots daily since Saturday, too lazy to cook something new. 
  8. My David Sedaris book hasn't elicited a laugh-out-loud moment in three days...and I know there have been several brilliant lines that should have given me immense joy.  I'm so sorry David.
  9. I felt complete apathy about Columbus Day and the entire celebration of the Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria other than a profound sense of loss at the idea of not having mail delivered so I could shuffle through another catalogue.  What kind of an American am I?
  10. I've started day dreaming about a job at my former place of employment, a place of pure dysfunction that sounds so appealing and healthy compared to fighting with my children over picking up their belongings for the 6,000th time.
I am prone to these funks.  They are tough for me to emerge from quickly, and I annoy myself beyond words when I am in them, but it will pass though.  I know it will pass.

Until then, I have long showers of soul searching and glasses of wine that can quell my cranky edge just enough to believe Alex will probably not run off to Mexico so I stop being such a basket case.  Probably.


Desperate Housemommy said...

Oh, girlfriend. I'm sorry about your funk. I've been there. I totally feel you on the scrimping-for-change-in-WalMart scenario. But it was the Sedaris-without-laughter image that grabbed me right by the throat. I'm making a really wacky face right now, just for you, to make you laugh. There. See that? Hope you're de-funkified soon. xo

The Preppy Girl in Pink said...

Leslie, I am right there with you. I have been trying to stay positive at home and through my posts but most days...it just hits me like a ton of bricks. I have mostly been writing about when my girls were little because my 9.5 yr old daughter has become such a handful lately with her sass & arguing that I miss the girl she once was and I don't like dealing with the one she is now. It just breaks my heart. Everyone says it is a phase but it is wearing me out and my patience.
Maybe we can eat a big bowl of ice cream together and drown our feelings in syrup & whipped cream?!
Good luck! If you find the solution...besides time, please put it in a book & sell it. I think you would move up to the top of bestsellers very quickly!

lcarp51 said...

I've been there, too. Usually in the winter. Vitamin D helps, believe it or not.
Advice on the haircut. Use the dog trimmer and give Aiden a buzz cut. Cheap, fast, and you don't have to bathe him for days.

Mel said...

You know who else is funk? George Clinton! Throw some on and start kissing some pigs, sister!
Oh, wait, you said IN A funk. Well...in that case, hugs to you. The pigs and George might still help, though. Just know that most of us out there think money is a freaking joke and don't have two nickles to rub together and that our kids make us crazy and yet we love 'em and sometimes (in fact, just this week for me) we don't cook anything new for days. My point: YOU ARE NOT ALONE. More hugs!

Prudently Painted Vintage said...

I would totally sort through your pinterest with you and listen to you whine ;) Maybe craft night will help. Crafting always makes me feel better! Just reread your "it's craft night bitches" letter. That is quality writing that is sure to make anyone laugh.

Seriously hope you feel better!

ALI said...

I've been there... I actually had to pull out the measuring cup & calculator last week, then steal from my work stash for water, as I'd forgotten to buy J water or milk to go with his snack for snack day...

I get into these funks, but on the otherside... The working mom side... Do we ever not beat our selves up?

Two Normal Moms said...

This won't help you, but it helps me immensely to know I'm not the only one that gets in those funks.

Jen said...

I'm so sorry, Leslie! I've been there with the scrimping for change too. I hope you get out of your funk REALLY soon!!
P.S. I give all of my boys haircuts with the clippers...you wouldn't believe how much money I've saved.

Crystal said...

You're not pregnant, are you?????


Your description of you and Alex reminded me of how I acted when I was pregnant, and my husband made a point of NOT being around as much as possible!!! You need a forced date night. It may be awkward for the first 30 min, but you'll never regret it!!!! Do something fun, even if it's just DQ!

alanna rose said...

Sorry for the funk-age :(
I'm going to second the idea of a forced date night. Even if you just go for a walk without the kids.

Also...pinterest can be downright depressing...why don't my crafts all turn out amazeballs? Why isn't my house as beautiful as hers? How come my outfits and hair aren't that awesome? Don't get me started on the fancy nails of those-without-toddlers...slippery slope. One minute you're looking for inspiration, the next you're consuming a box of oreos to eat your feelings of inadequacy.


Anonymous said...

Maybe a part-time job to break up the Mom time? Lots of places hire seasonal help for the Holidays. . . maybe give adult time a try? Even if it's just folding sweaters at the Gap, I always enjoyed the break from my routine. Plus, discounts on clothes don't hurt ;-)