Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Did You Want To Marry Daddy?

It is my nine year anniversary.  I attempted to make my children sit down and watch my wedding video, all six hours of it, but they just didn't seem interested.  It was so strange.

I did manage to get them to look at a few photos though, which elicited Aiden's question, "did you want to marry Daddy?"


Nine years ago I was doing this.

This is a photo of me seriously asking my Dad what the hell I was doing.  I hit a panic from the time we were outside the church doors, all the way down the aisle.  I was terrified.  I was too young, too impressionable, too naive. 

My Dad is lovingly telling me he's paid thousands of dollars toward a sit down dinner and live band and I better get my ass down the aisle and kiss the guy. 

Just kidding.

He was attempting to talk me out of my panic with rationale words about how I was going to be fine.

I like to think I was just nervous about all the show and hoopla of walking down the aisle in front of a lot of people and all that, but I was scared.  I was really good at the dating, falling in love, planning a big wedding, but then I was a bit nervous about the married forever part.

But I kissed the guy. 

(Sidenote:  I don't have a single electronic image from this day, so I just took some photos with my phone of the album I have.  Super high quality.)

We did a euphoric walk back down the aisle where I look all shoulders and elbowy and Alex looks like he's trying to pull me like I'm a prize he just won. 

Then we posed for some cheesy photos.

We went to our fancy dinner and dancing and had a fantastic time, as did my friends with the open bar. 

(My brother might have even dropped the maid of honor flat on her back on the dance floor since they enjoyed that open bar so much.)

And it was done.  Married.  Forever.

Thank God.

It is not always easy. It isn't even always pleasant, but I always want to be married to him.  I never wish this weren't the choice I made that day.  I never wonder why my Dad didn't pull me back and tell me to run.  I assume he already knew it was going to be OK. 

My father was elated that day.  He even got out on the dance floor for more than just the father-daughter dance.  My Dad can work the chicken dance. 

He was right to be so joyful.  It was a pretty damn fantastic thing we started nine years ago.

I think I was so scared that it would all fade.  That we'd both be fat and apathetic before we could blink, or that we'd get caught in all the day to day blah that we would let it consume us.  I figured we'd forget how much we like each other and how fun it is to be with one another so we'd slowly stop trying to be around one another.

As it turns out, my fears were mostly all for nothing. There isn't a part about our relationship that has faded, quite the contrary.  When I look back at those photos of two very young people I am amazed at how little we knew and how much there would be to discover.

I feel immense gratitude that instead of becoming fat and apathetic we've grown more and more determined and passionate about not just one another, but about us.  We are stronger, me physically because I go to body sculpting classes now, and Alex probably just emotionally. We are a family.

We often do get caught in the day to day blah and it does in fact consume us.  We fight about who takes the trash out and I get mad when he pour the dog food early in the morning and wakes up Stella.  I'm silent and angry and he is cold and distant. I feel mad that I'm the only one cleaning the toilets and he gets mad that he is the only one that mows the grass. It's all sorts of ridiculous anger around here, and it totally blows sometimes.

The amazing thing is that these moments are fleeting and small.  These moments don't add up to anything but the routine of life....which is thankfully much more full of heartfelt love, genuine respect, and a very real belief that being anywhere else, with anyone else, would simply be an insane impossibility.

We are reminded of our affection for one another in the fierce determination we both have to do the best we can for our family.  We realize how much we like one another in the small moments brushing our teeth or laughing until it hurts at one another, ourselves, and thankfully we can team up to laugh at our children. 

Did I want to marry him? 


Hell yes.

Happy Nine Years!


Lynda Halliger-Otvos said...

Happy Anniversary, Leslie and Alex, nine years is a great start !~! As the years roll by the relationship changes-mostly for the better I think after 25 big ones with my husband.

Prudently Painted Vintage said...

Happy anniversary!! How sweet!! I swear it looks like you are talking through your teeth to your dad in that pic! Haha!

Emmy said...

Happy Anniversary!! Fun seeing these pictures. And yes, it is sometimes routine and everyday but it is worth it.

Christine said...

Les! What a heartfelt posting. So glad to know that you've found a happy place in life.

KSK said...

Happy Anniversary!!! :)
I love this post! :) It makes me smile!

paradigmjohn said...

Happy Anniversary! That picture of you with your dad is priceless.

I needed to be reminded that we all get caught up in the day to day blahs and the ridiculous anger that can build up at times for no good reason. You made me want to canoodle my loved one (I've never used the word canoodle in my life - somehow it seemed very appropriate here).

momnextdoor said...

Happy Anniversary! I love your pictures! Especially the one with your Dad! :-)

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Leslie, that was beautiful! I was married at 18 (!!) and feel many of the same things as we grow together!

Two Normal Moms said...

Happy Anniversary! Come to think of it, I have nothing digital from my wedding either. Funny how I take that for granted now!

Cynthia said...

What a sweet post. Congratulations on 9 years.

Desperate Housemommy said...

I think it's great that you've grown to like one another more.

Love? That's the easy part. Of course you love your groom. That's a given.

It's the liking that's tricky sometimes. Good for you two, and happy anniversary!

The Preppy Girl in Pink said...

Leslie, You always make me laugh! I love going back in time with your photos and story. I'm sure your husband got a kick out of this one. Life with each other may not always be perfect but I expect it is a lot of fun! Happy Anniversary!

Cheryl said...

WONDERFUL POST! Happy 9 years!! Isn't it strange to think how clueless we were when we got married? Thanking God for His grace to sustain us! :)

Missy said...

So great. Love this story - and I have no electronic images of our wedding either! Weren't those the "good old days?"