Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Craft Night

Usually I'm putting the finishing touches on a recipe-ish right now. 

Well, I use "usually" in a really loose way since the last few weeks my recipe-ish has been pushed to the end of the week.  This week is no different.

I like to think that God is trying to tell me that the recipe-ish should post late Thursday night so most people can read it on Friday.  I also like to think that God probably has more important things to worry about than my blog schedule, but His concern just shows you how great He is.

Here's this week's excuse.  I had Craft Night here.  It was serious.  There was no time for blogging.

I figured since you all weren't invited to Craft Night, since as far as I know you don't live in my neighborhood and weren't involved in a discussion I had with friends here which created Craft Night, I would share the messages regarding Craft Night.

What?

I'm just going to paste some emails inviting my friends over to my house?

Yes.   It's 10:30, I'm still recovering from malaria, or whatever it was, and I amused the hell out of myself writing these so why not share? 

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EMAIL ONE:  Last Week

Dear Neighbor,

It's Craft Night Bitches.


This is serious.

OK, I just wanted to start out like that. This is pretty un-serious, at least until Jenn turns it in to a race.

IT IS NOT A RACE.


We are going to craft the hell out of the upcoming holidays, and possibly some decorating that will BLOW YOUR MIND.

Watch out Hobby Lobby, beware JoAnn's...Forest Oak is going to make some shit.

We're starting next Wednesday night, 9/28 at my house. Probably 7 or 7:30 - 2 am so we can really finish everything properly, but we might release around 9 if we are really crafting our asses off...which is likely.

Bring a bottle of wine, or don't because I'll have plenty, and all your focus for the craft.

Here is what we are deciding among:

Door letter hanger thing.


Branch with leaves.


mummy lights

What? Those don't sound good?

You don't want to make a branch? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

You can't be high maintenance at Craft Night. You will be removed from Craft Night.

Here are some photos, but you better bring your imaginations to Craft Night.



Fine, so it was only one photo.  This is what we're making. I found this on Serenity Now's Weekend Bloggy Reading Link Up Party when the blog two twenty one posted this instructional.

Also, I'll be on Pinterest hunting out other craft options, because that's what I do with my life now. I'll email you tonight if I find anything else more exciting. I'm confident I will, but also confident that my heart is committed to this jute wrapped door letter thing.

If you aren't on Pinterest by Craft Night then be prepared to be ridiculed the ENTIRE time. Everyone cool is doing it and everyone at Craft Night HAS to be cool.

Feel free to invite other Forest Oakers...if you think they can handle it.


It's Craft Night Bitches.

(See how I basically turned this email into a poem by starting and ending with the same powerful phrase? That's the sort of genius thinking we need at Craft Night. BRING IT!)
 
BFF, Leslie
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So basically everyone wanted to come.  Well, except for my friend Melissa that I didn't hear from, I'm sure she was just too excited to respond. 
 
Oh, and my friend in San Diego on a fun trip with her husband.  She doesn't know what she missed.
 
Here's the follow up communication, because again, I can do whatever I want to do here. 
***************************************************************
 
EMAIL TWO: Last Night
 
OK ladies. It's still on tomorrow night. I might have been puking yesterday, but nothing can stop my crafting.


Also I feel better. I have cleaned my house inside and out, well not out, that's just a lie. But! I have sanitized, scrubbed, vacuumed, mopped, and cleaned anything standing still at my house and I think we are a safe zone now.

I'm going to get the crafting supplies tomorrow. I think everything will be less than $10 so if you have some cash I will give you a total tomorrow. If you don't have cash, you will be thrown out, with one of my children to raise as your own. 

Just kidding.

Seriously, bring some cash.

Or you can drop it off later this week...with interest.

I'm hilarious.

Anyway, I'm assuming I'm getting a W, K, and Sue...did you say you already had a letter? That's weird, but cool with me.

Melissa, are you snubbing Craft Night? Is this because I think your name should be Michelle? Because that's not my fault . You know I have renamed Jenny/Jennifer  as Madge, we are all making sacrifices around here. Sometimes I just don't feel comfortable with the names people were given and changes must occur.

Let me know if you want to come and I'll buy you a B, or any other letter you want. That would sort of be fun if you put a Q on your door, I would be extra intrigued by you then.  Who wouldn't want that?

Any requests for ribbon color or felt rosette color? The demo had black ribbon, which I sort of like because it's going to get dirty out there in the hot, sweaty, nasty world we live in....but I can pick up anything else or feel free to bring your own.


I'll pick up some felt squares in a few colors that I like, because that's what is most important, but if you have a color you want to accent on your door let me know and I'll grab that too. I think the felt is like $.30 so go crazy.

Don't forget to bring a glue gun if you have one. If you don't you might want to think about getting one so you have some craft cred, which is very similar to street cred, just more important.

I have a box of red wine (because I am classy,) but only a little white left so if you are going to get crazy on the white, bring a bottle.

I also have sweet tea, oreos, and if I get energetic I'll make some brownies. Oh and I'll probably soon have diabetes.  What the hell am I eating here?

We'll be knee high in hot glue and jute twine though ladies so you'll probably only be able to drink. I'll supply straws.

Oh!  Or we could MAKE straws!  CRAFT NIGHT!

Let me know about the colors and if there is any change in your RSVP.

I will cut you if you don't show up.

Just kidding. I'll just jute twine the letters that say "Loser Lives Here" and attach it to your door with neon green felt rosettes. That would teach you to jack with Craft Night bitch!

OK, I've clearly been ill and am going a little off course.

Email me. Text me. Just come to Craft Night because it's apparently so important to me that I'm spending thirty minutes rambling to you about this.

Is this the longest email you have ever gotten about a neighborhood gathering of four to use a glue gun?

I am lame, or so cool because Craft Night can transform people, lives, a generation. 

Remember I was ill.

See you tomorrow!

Seriously Melissa...what up? You can bring your baby if he has a glue gun. Or a bottle of white wine.
 
Jute Twine, Leslie
****************************************************
 
So now you are wondering how my jute wrapped letter wreath thing turned out?  Good question.
 
I didn't finish.  It apparently takes a really freakin' long time to wrap those letters when you are really anal about it.  My friend Jenn and Madge finished up lickity split because I think they did coke before they came. 
 
I'm not trying to start any rumors, but it's really the only conclusion.
 
Sue and I are holding steady on our letters and are not finished in the least.  I'll post a photo when I'm done around Thanksgiving, because I know this is going to be on your mind through the next few months.
 
It was a blast to work on something and to just hang out with some girlfriends.  We are going to get crazy with the Halloween crafting so if you live near me and want to craft let me know. 
 
Craft Night is ON!
 
Oh, and Melissa apparently was indeed not snubbing Craft Night and is sick.  This is good news because if she jacked with Craft Night, wow.  Feel better Melissa!  We have a glue gun waiting for you.
 
That's actually not true at all.  Bring your own gun.
 
And your own glue.  This isn't a charity Craft Night.
 
Recipe-Ish tomorrow....though no clue what it will be. 
 
Suggestions?  Celebrities you want me to send a recipe too?

Linking up to Amanda's Weekend Bloggy Reading Link Up Party.  Check it out!

12 comments:

lcarp51 said...

Have you done one for Leann Rhimes? Or Jennifer Hudson? Or Jaclyn Smith? (She was my favorite Angel.) How about Kelsey Grammer? Do any of your recipes have ingredients that induce truth or guilt or payouts?? Just thought I'd ask.
I really don't stalk you, btw. It's too far to drive.

Lorilynne said...

I wish I lived in your neighborhood to craft with you. I craft on my own and it's not nearly as hilarious....depending on the amount of wine I drink, anyway.

momnextdoor said...

You know what? I think your jute twine letter WILL be on my mind for the next few months...so hurry up! I need someone to live vicariously through since my neighbors aren't nearly as cool as yours!

Missy said...

You completely crack me up. I am so happy I found you through Things I Can't Say!

Kelli @ RTSM said...

I totally want to copy this and sent it to a few of my friends to talk them into coming to a craft night...but I think it might scare them:)

alanna rose said...

I'm confused....I thought the first rule of Craft Night was not to talk about Craft Night?

Way fun, I need to set one of those up! Also, I need some wine :)

Two Normal Moms said...

I don't know where you live, but I'm thinking of moving there just so I can get invited to Craft Night with those emails. I'm glad I used the bathroom before I read this or I would have peed my pants laughing.

Prudently Painted Vintage said...

Damn it I need a cool neighbor like you. My subdivision is so boring. No one here does coke. You guys have all the cool people. Bitches ;)

Hurry up on the recipe- ish. My week isn't complete without it.

Jen said...

I wish I was your neighbor so you could invite me to your Craft Night!
As usual, this post had me laughing out loud!! I'm so glad I found you, you always brighten my day :)

Amanda | OneMommysThoughts said...

Wished I lived closer because hanging with a kick ass group of women drinking wine and making crazy crafty shit is right up my alley! Happy crafting ;)

Meredith Maczka said...

I don't live in your neighborhood, or Texas for that matter but I do have a Skype account. If Craft Night ever goes viral, count me in!

Samantha said...

Way to get your craft on! Funny post and great craft.
:) crafty texas girls