Well, it happens to me every now and then and Friday night was one of those time. I was struck with a lot of frustration...all of it directed at my beautiful husband. I'm not sure exactly why this happens but it seems as though because he is my favorite person, my soul mate, my forever, I logically most often get irrationally angry at him.
Alright, it's not logical but it's how it works. I can fake nice to almost every one else, but Alex is going to get all my emotions, even the misdirected anger. (He also gets a huge amount of joy so let's not start feeling all weepy for Alex people.)
I can't tell you what started it exactly but I felt irritated immediately after the kids went to bed. I just didn't want to be around him. Something about being back at home, adjusting to life here again? The heat? The moon? Something.
Once we started watching Friday Night Lights, the finale people....it was major, I was fully pissed at him. I basically wanted to be by myself until he paid for what he did....whatever that was.
Spoiler alert! If you haven't watched the last Friday Night Lights and you plan to do so, go do that, and then read this....but be sure you come back to read this because I have some amazing, really fantastic things to say as usual. I'm basically going to change you life. Or not, but you'll never know.
When Eric Taylor was being a total asshole about not even considering moving to Philadelphia for Tammy's amazing job opportunity, I wanted to punch Alex right in the face. I was so angry with him.
(Him being Alex, not Eric Taylor. Eric is just a character people, try to be reasonable.)
Did Alex agree with Eric's shitty behavior? No.
Did he say he understood the difficulty Eric was having? Not exactly.
Did he say I could never have a life of my own and I must forever go through life making all major decisions based on his job, his passions, his dreams? Absolutely not....but I thought I saw him smirk a little when Eric didn't cave during Tammy's crying outside the restaurant and what else am I supposed to infer? I know what it means when my husband shifts his mouth and blinks while watching TV.
Oh. I. Know.
What? You don't watch Friday Night Lights and you are totally confused? Shame on you. Amazing show and this would all be crystal-ish clear if you did. I swear it's the only reason why you are confused.
And no, the fact that I started my period on Friday has absolutely nothing to do with any of this.
Just so everyone can understand what is going on, as much as that is ever going to happen here, Tammy and Eric Taylor are married and live in small town Texas. Eric is a football coach and has been for 18 years, guiding the direction of their lives. Tammy is finally offered her dream job, but they would have to leave Texas and move to Philadelphia. Eric was all sorts of closed off to even considering this and Tammy was crushed, but didn't want to ruin her marriage over it so she decided she would give up her dream and be the bigger person because she's amazing and I love her.
All caught up?
So that smirk. I know I saw it. Or imagined it really well, which is practically the same thing.
I genuinely felt angry at Alex. He knew it too and thought it was hilarious. (This was annoying, but also very liberating because I could fully admit he had done nothing but I was mad all the same and he was fine with that. I love him for this. He accepts my irrational behavior, provided I recognize it is irrational and keep saying marginally funny comments about it. )
So why was I feeling so angry at Alex during all of this?
I think there is always a small subconscious element of resentment I feel toward him after I return from Indiana. I genuinely am at peace with living here, but deep down I might feel a tad angry about not feeling like there is even the option to relocate and think about how badly I want to be there.
I think my therapist would say that I felt like Alex would act the way Eric was acting in the show and that made me angry. I think my therapist is a smart, smart man. I think that I could totally see myself being offered my dream job as Dean of Admissions at a small college in Philadelphia and Alex not wanting to leave his football coaching career here in Texas for my dream.
Wait...now I'm not even sure what's going on here.
I told Alex why I thought I was mad and you know what he said? Brace yourself.
He thinks he would have acted the same way as Eric.
Take a breath people. Take a moment and chill.
He fully admitted Eric was being selfish, an asshole, but he related to why he would be like that about such a huge life move. BUT, he also related to how Eric came around and in the last moment decided it was in fact time for Tammy to have her time to follow her dream in their life together, so he agreed to move.
You didn't think NBC was going to end a show with everyone all pissed at the main character, right?
So, I was angry and possibly I had a validated concern (in a fictional, not in that situation at all and it's unreasonable to get angry about something that hasn't even and probably won't happen sort of way,) but by the end of the show I felt better.
Maybe Alex isn't evil after all?
It was nice to hear Alex say that he understood the process it took Eric, but that he also realized that Eric made the right decision....otherwise I would have had to leave my husband over his thoughts on a semi-popular NBC television drama, and that just seems crazy, and I do not engage in crazy. Clearly.