Thursday, June 16, 2011

Target Is My Crack and Thursday Threads

It has come to the point where I must once again attempt to ban myself from Target.  It is dangerous there.  It feels so good, but it's ruining me, my family, my marriage, my ability to work and function in society.

(There is a small chance I am being a little dramatic, but I have seriously considered the idea that an addiction to heroin might fit better in to my life than my weekly (FINE, sometimes twice weekly,) trips to The Target.)

It always sounds like a good idea.... We'll just go pick up some new markers.  The boys have been so in to coloring and our marker selection is pretty sad. I would hate for them to have to function with  inadequate marker options, let's just pop in Target and buy a new pack so no little people around here have to suffer. I hate to see my little people suffer.  Do they sell ponies at Target?

I can make a list for Target which includes no less than 5 absolute necessities, any day of the week.  It's a talent really.  I create need to help fuel the economy.  Really, I'm basically an economist. 

So today, I made the following list:
  • Baby veggie pouches
  • padlock
  • Parmesan
  • milk
  • raisins
It sounds so innocent.  It sounds so very clearly less than $100.  It sounds less than $50. Nothing on that list costs more than $5, well except I was buying 3 half gallons of milks at $4 a pop so that's $12....see, I'm a math whiz too.  Let me continue to wow you. 

Those baby veggie pouches are almost $2 each and I planned on buying about 10 so now that's $20.  I'd still bet on being able to leave with less than $50 spent.

What kind of fool am I?  A Target fool. 

So we go to pick up these things and on the drive there Aiden and Cole start their car fighting.  Cole makes some sort of proclamation that does not sit well with Aiden and it's on.  We then have a "YES!" and "NO!" battle that is really quite remarkable.

Cole remains calm and firm in his position, despite the fact that it is usually incorrect.  Aiden, unable to stand the idea that Cole is on the side of incorrect goes quite rapidly from simply speaking to fully freaking out. 

This annoys me.

So, I add a slip n slide to the list.  I know that sounds crazy, but my plan was to buy something fun that I can prominently place in our house to remind them that there is no way they will ever have it if they can not be nice to one another and quit whining. 

Cole could totally pass for an Asian boy, but not a blonde.

See, economist, math whiz, and parenting genius.

Once in the store we see Father's Day cards.  How can I not buy a Father's day card for Alex and my Father?  Aiden picks out a beer can card for my Father and Cole grabs a squirrel card for Alex that tells him to feel free to "Play with his nuts!  It's Father's Day!  Nice. 

We pick up the markers then successfully navigate by the clothing section without a single purchase.  I am amazing!  Next is baby food, Slip N Slide, padlock for gym, then on to the grocery. 

It's tricky in the grocery.

  • 3 half gallons of milk - list!
  • bagels - desperate for breakfast ideas, impulse purchase
  • Parmesan cheese - list!
  • 3 pack of vanilla milk - actually saving money by not purchasing at Starbucks twisted logic
  • raisins - list!
  • Honey Mustard pretzel pieces - too delicious to resist
  • Squeezable applesauce - everything is starting to look good, been in Target too long
I quickly try to wrap things up and get to the aisle where I am met with the most frivolous of my purchases, but the item to which I feel the most emotional connection and therefore can not resist....

Oh Ashley, I do too.

At the checkout I add a pack of gum, because it doesn't count if it's less than $2, and am shocked when the total is $101.50.  I wanted to punch the Target employee in his scanning arm for incorrectly tallying all my merchandise.  How does this happen? 

I'm not going anymore.  EVER!

FINE.  Not until next week. 

But not without a list.


One of my favorite things at Target is the affordable clothing, because I love clothing.  It makes me happy and it can completely alter the way I feel about myself. 

Some might say that this is shallow and materialistic. 

(I bet you think I'm going to give a counter to that statement, but no, I accept it.)

I have been wanting to start a weekly post about clothing in some capacity for a while but nothing really felt right since I'm not an expert by any means.  I also usually buy cheap clothing from Target and Old Navy so I'm not particularly style savvy in that I'm hitting the designer labels.

I have to pay for Target people, I have no money for designer anything.
My InStyle magazine has a feature though where their editors will show an outfit they are loving, their go-to outfit.  I thought it might be fun to show what my go-to outfits are, regardless of style factor or price point.  

Also, this is my blog so I can basically make up whatever I want so I wanted to do it!

I'm going to call it Threads Thursday and regardless of what else I ramble on about, I'll show you an outfit or something I'm loving that I managed to work into my closet.

I'm starting with my going out outfit that I put on when I am invited basically anywhere these days.  If you invited me to dinner, a movie,  a PR lunch for Stoneyfield Farms, date with the husband...whatever, you could expect me to arrive in this.

But I would look more tan. I would readjust my shorts ban to not stick out at my belly under my shirt.  And you would see my head, probably.

Shoes are from JC Penny - Remember that post?  Find it here.
Shorts from NY& Co
Shirt from the legendary Target
Necklace from my favorite do-good while shopping organization Noonday Collection

Happy Thursday Everyone!

Linking up to Serenity Now - A Mommy's Solution to Staying Sane Weekend Bloggy Link Up


Lynda Halliger-Otvos said...

I cracked up at your head so bad my husband asked what I was laughing at !~! I love you. Come to California and I will show you big trees.

aggiemommy said...

How can you not love Target?? They have that cute kids collection of island clothes now and their home wares are much cuter than they used to be! We end up there a few times a week, too. Aiden, and hear speech delays...well she can say "red store!" What does that freakin tell you???!!!! Oh, and they really sunk us with the pharmacy in the SuperTarget. Now we HAVE to go their for our health!! :)

Lovin your posts as always. It's supposed to be a killer 103 here in Dallas tomorrow...we will probably end up there...for our health of course!! ;)


Shelly @ Life on the Wild Side said...

O.K. you are hysterical! And I totally get the Target crack thing. I go in with a list of 5 things and come out spending $75! How does that happen??

Love your blog!

Jennifer said...

I totally went to Target yesterday with a list of 4 things and came out with 20 - and I bought impulse bagels too - I love to stalk people, the name of sociology research and my kids ruined my chance yesterday in Target -


the cape on the corner said...

i don't think i've ever gone into target and not spent at least 50 bucks. for me, it's the endcap clearance spots. those are my weakness!

Amanda @ Serenity Now said...

Fellow Target addict here. Love the writing on the slip and slide box!! Oh my word--I have not seen that issue of People--I MUST have it! I also have an addiction to celebrity gossip, if Ashley counts as a celebrity. (by the way, I do not feel sorry for her at all)

Thank you so much for linking up with my Weekend Bloggy Reading party. Hope you'll stop Serenity Now again soon. :)

Jennifer said...

Joining you from Amanda's party and laughing so hard. You may have been reading my mind when you wrote that post! I love Target! and I have been kindly asked by my husband not to shop there on several occasions :)

Moddy Bee said...

Girl...I'm ridiculously addicted to target!!! I put myself on a target diet for a month once!!! I saved us boat loads of freaking dough!!! But, I went back ...the rest is history...
Btw...I love that you stopped by our blog!!!! Come back and see us! Oh, and I'm your new follower. :)

Krista said...

I hate to be an enabled, but I heard this juicy piece of info lately: target changes out the clearance end caps on Thursdays. Just saying. :). Funny post! I found you via Amanda's party.

Bobbi said...

I read an old article of yours a few weeks ago and have been reading your blog ever since. I four.d the article in the NICU @ Seton Northwest while my now 5 week old son was hospitalized there. The nurses had pinned the article, which was about being a new mom or something,on a bulletin board.

I cannot tell you how grateful I am for happening upon your blog. During my baby's 3.5 wk NICU stay, your lighthearted posts helped to lighten my own heart (imagine those last three words italicized, damn phone). You provided much needed comic relief during a very stressful time. I really can't thank you enough.

Now onto the stuff that really (that one's italicized too) matters - why are you buying 3 half gallons of milk at a time? Normal people who have kids (like me) buy milk in whole gallons and pray for a larger size.

BTW-Since you love Costco so much, can you explain to me why they sell organic milk (a must for those of us who actually love our children, as you well know) in your random 3 x 1/2gal increments at a higher price than HEB? I do not share your faith in Costco.

Lastly, I thought you'd like to know what WONDERFUL RELIEF it is to find another terribly sarcastic individual. Native Texans just don't get sarcasm. You've inspired me to make time for my new little blog and to drink more wine.

I'm sorry this is so incredibly long. I also apologize for any typos (damn phone, again!).

Laura said...

I rationalize many Target purchases with my beloved Target Red card. I get 5% cash back off my purchases and this makes me feel so much better about my addiction. I have the one that just acts like a debit card so no additional credit card payment either ;)