Thursday, June 2, 2011

My Stella Prayer

So today is my baby's birthday.  Stella turns one.  It blows my mind. I don't even really know what to say about it.  It's been an amazing experience to be her mother.  Simply wonderful.

I'm currently reading Tina Fey's book, Bossypants.  It's a fantastic compilation of stories about her life and I love it.  I love her.  I want her to be my friend, really badly.  I find her to be hysterical, intelligent, kind, and just plain interesting. 

If you haven't picked up her book, you should.  You will not be disappointed.

One of the sections of her book is a prayer to her daughter, Alice.  It is fantastic. It touches on so many emotions that we as parents feel for our children, and of course it's funny.  Amity brought up the prayer the other morning while we were talking so I thought I would write one, not anywhere in the vicinity of funny like Tina's, to Stella in honor of her turning ONE . 

Dear Lord,

Protect my dear, sweet daughter when she ventures out in to the big, big world. 

When deciding on undergarments, may she remember her parents' painstaking quest to clean every bit of fecal matter out of her many folds of female in order to protect it and decide on healthy, cotton full coverage.

When given the chance to participate in a reality show of any form or fashion, give her the strength to resist the chance to win fame and fortune in exchange for continued self respect.  Also, please flash all the images of the footage her mother put together for her to witness as "people's mistakes you don't want to make," and in that image of Kate Gosselin and Snooki decide that she would rather continue to wait tables with honor at Chili's.

Please allow her to keep her beautiful, freakishly long and thick eyelashes.  May she enjoy them, but never abuse them.  May she realize that she is more than pretty long-eyelash-girl, but also thinking and problem solving girl, and those two are probably going to help her out more than her ability to not wear mascara....though that's pretty damn cool too. 

(May she also be so kind as to write her a father a thank you note in appreciation of them, because they certainly did not come from me.)
When her friends in the sixth grade get together to talk about who's wearing what and who's gross and who's a dork, I pray that you give her strength to not only not participate, but speak out against the unkindness.  I pray you let her blink her lashes and stand her ground for kindness and that she feels good knowing she did the right thing.

And if she's the one being discussed I pray that you give her courage to hear the cruelty, but not absorb it.  Allow her to remember exactly how she felt hearing unkind words about herself so that she never wants to make anyone feel like that, and also that the idea of revenge may sound simply absurd. Let her know she is loved and she is wonderful, no matter what a handful of young girls jabber about around their lockers.

Please be vigilant in her protection; while she rides in cars with other mindless teens, when she inevitably attempts to text and drive, when she inadvertently passes out on a Mexican bus in Cancun due to drinking too many of those damn yard drinks (please also consider eliminating those,) walks home from anywhere, rides her bike too close to cars without her helmet because it looks stupid.

Also as Tina Fey so intelligently request, please break the damn internet.

When a creepy man offers her a drink in a bar may she remember her Bearenstein Bears book about Stranger Danger and the one about Manners and politely decline.

In all of your power and wisdom, please oh Lord, please never bring back the look of bagel bangs and banana clips nor high waisted pleated jeans with VERY baggy shirts tucked in....which is especially painful when accompanied by the bagel bangs or a banana clip.  I do not want my daughter to endure these looks, for so very precious few can wear them without looking semi-mentally-disabled, and she has little to no chance of being one of the chosen few.

I pray that you send her someone like I had to learn about young love.  Figuring out how to love can be such a rocky road, so painful.  I pray she learns about such matters from a really good, kind-hearted boy that is respectful, honest and never gives her extra reasons to doubt herself or be insecure.

(By the way, please bless Mike Dawson for being that amazing to 16-20 year old me, it's something I am more grateful for now that I imagine my sweet daughter having to enter dating. )

Please give her wisdom to know that eating ONLY watermelon or grapefruit will do little to make her look as skinny as she thinks she needs to be and much to give her days of diarrhea and days on end of discomfort.
When she is hanging with a less than desirable crowd, as she inevitably will at some point, and she is offered meth along with a list of all the fantastic things about doing it, please help her to remember the envelope given to her by her mother filled with photographs of meth addicts's teeth and again allow her to politely refuse. 

Never, ever may she be the girl that starts conversations with her girlfriends with the phrases, "Hey bitches!" or "What's up sluts?"  It's ridiculous and sad and wrong for so many different reasons. 

I really don't want that for her.

May she always know that she has unconditional love in her parents, but that it doesn't mean she has our blessing to totally jack things up. Give her courage to leave us, knowledge to do well on her own, and enough tiny bumps that sometimes we are the only place she wants to come back to for comfort.

Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you for my daughter.

I'm working my hardest to do my best work with her, I'm trusting you'll continue to do yours as well.



P.S. I'm serious about the Internet breaking before she has to encounter it. Tina was really on to something there.


If you could find it in your heart as a reader to go to the Top Mommy Blogs link on the right hand side of my site and just click on that link, I would appreciate it.  I swear it doesn't take you to porn or anything and you don't even have to do anything once you are there.  It's pointless, but helps me get more coverage on that site.  Help a girl out?  Thank you!


Pink Stitches said...

I LOVE this. I am seriously considering writing a prayer for my son too. But I'm afraid I won't cover all the bases and I'll probably have to go in and edit it like a million times. I'll probably start writing it on a notepad and then post it in about five years. This was great to read!

mama_pez said...

I wrote a letter to my boys, too. It is pretty boring though. lol
ps- You are now rated at topmommyblogs - I'm so excited to be the first! (but surprised..I mean, come on, people!!!)

The Tiny Team said...

I reeeeeally want to read that new Tina Fey book!


Prudently Painted Vintage said...

Love this! I laughed and got scared for my daughter at the same time. I am going to have to get that book

Debbie @ OtRD said...

Happy Birthday Stella!

I've heard so much about this book. I really want to read it now, too funny!

Amanda @ It's Blogworthy said...

Stopping by from the blog hop and had to leave a comment. I love Tina fey and can't wait to read her book, but I just love your prayer for her. Having a baby is so scary.. ESP knowing what they will have to deal with someday! Glad I found your blog!

Roselle Hope said...

Beautiful prayer. Stopping by from MBC blog hop. Visit us at


Karena said...

I love Tina, must read her book, and now I love your site!!

Be sure to enter my awesome $250 Giveaway from Tracy Porter!!

Art by Karena

Emmy said...

Great great letter. I haven't read the book- but I bet your letter is right up there with her's. The thought of my kids being junior high age someday just terrifies me.

Shell said...

That prayer totally cracks me up!

Your little girl is so cute!

Danielle said...

Happy birthday to your baby!

Writing a prayer for my kids would be a good idea too, but like someone said above me, I'd probably miss some things and have to edit it all the time.

I'm a new gfc follower from the Finding New Friends hop. I also have a hop on my page if you're interested. The link is in my left sidebar.

Meryl said...

LOL!!!!!!! I just LOVED this! I am so glad I found you. After posting this I will follow and eagerly await more of your sharp wit, humor and sarcasm!