Sunday, June 12, 2011

I'm Searchable, You Don't Even Have To Be Looking For Me....and Burn The Tourist

First things first, Alex and I just finished watching The Tourist, starring Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp.  If you have not seen this movie, I warn you with the greatest of urgency, DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE. 

I know, it stars two very beautiful people, and on many a desperate night I too might have thought that almost any movie sounds like a good idea.  I have patience for some horrible movies, but this was painful. It was extremely cheesy, and not in a good way. 

After twenty minutes I wanted someone, anyone to please shoot Angelina Jolie's character for being so annoying. Johnny Depp's character for 75% of the movie is a weak and nerdy math teacher, and no one wants to see Johnny like that.  I prefer my Johnny as a bad ass or strung out on coke.  He can be nerdy, but don't make him weak. 

The most interesting thing about this movie was studying how Angelina was able to wear heavy brown eye shadow, as well as bright shiny red lipstick and not look like a total prostitute.  That's literally as good as it got.  It was rough people, you've been warned.

Moving on...In case you aren't in the blogging world and you just happen to read me because you are really smart and pretty, I can access all sort of information about my blog. It's the behind the scenes information that I am sure I could use to further grow my blog if I had any idea of actually how....or time to really try...or patience.

Have I talked recently about how I have zero patience? It's pretty sad, we should just move on.

So, I can read a report all about how many people visit my blog, how long they are on each page, and how they found my blog.  I try not to pay attention because it can make me a little crazy to obsess over why today is different than yesterday and so on, but tonight I decided to check out my favorite bit of information, the search words that lead people to my blog.

This is the most entertaining portion of the report because it is often a complete shock.  Periodically it is sad that someone is out there on the Internet typing depressing descriptions into their search engine, and then finding me, but normally it's just funny.

Here's what I found tonight:

mommy therapy blog 
This was the most popular search.  Boring, but successful....unless they were looking for an actual therapy blog for mothers, such as one run by certified counselors and such rather than someone that has zero actual experience or education in providing mental therapy for anyone.

what happened to chloe and lamar's baby
Interesting.  These people were probably really disappointed though, because I have no idea.  The post that did lead them to my blog is here.  I think I mostly talk about how sweet Lamar was when Chloe was having body image problems, I'm disappointing the masses.

why do i feel like hitting my child when they scream and cry
Yikes.  Remember above when I said they were sometimes sad? Here's the perfect example of this. 

Now, let me be clear.  I do not judge this person for searching this, I only find it sad that they are searching the Internet for answers and are having to go through feeling this.  I also completely understand how someone would be thinking this.  I feel like hitting my child when they scream and cry all the time. 

Well, not the baby, mostly the boys, but I don't because I get what's going on...they're little bodies have been taken over by irrational and crazy body snatchers and my brain has been compromised by evil zombies that make me want to do bad things to little people I love.  Right? 

I wonder if that was the other thing that came up in this person's search?

How did that search drive someone to my blog?  I don't know exactly, but it could be my frequent references to how frustrated I am with my kids.  Like in this post here. Or this one here.

Person, if you happened to have stumble here because you feel so angry you feel like striking your child you are NOT alone, and there is nothing wrong with you....but you should talk to someone and try to sort through these emotions so you don't do something in the heat of the moment that you would regret.  It is exhausting physically and emotionally to parent, all of us need help and no one is perfect.

The search that disturbed me the most I had a few months ago, "mother tortures boy's asshole."  It honestly kept me up at night wondering who it was that had searched that and why. I prayed so hard for that unknown little boy and that mother.

Geez, when did this get to be such a sad post?  First Angelina and Johnny and now this stuff? 

Moving on!

jews for jesus
I love that my blog is showing up for people of the Jewish faith that are looking for a little JC.  Welcome!  I know exactly the post that's getting these folks.   It's here.

can pancakes make you feel better
Why yes, yes they can random searcher.

Pancakes are a miracle mood booster, which is why I dedicated a whole post to teaching this season's Bachelorette how to make them in anticipation of her impending heart break.  You can read that here.

"peeing my pants"/ i can't run without peeing my pants/ after having kids i pee my pants
All of these are excellent search topics and I totally relate to these searchers.  A variation of one or all of these search words are in every single report I read about traffic to my site. I have the peeing your pants market covered.  It's all I ever dreamed about and more.

If you haven't read about me peeing my pants, that's here. Oh yeah and here.

I also have had several discussions about me peeing around my boys, and all that entails.  Here. And here.

I hope you feel more informed about all the happenings here at The Mommy Therapy now.  You're probably wondering how I live with all this excitement?  It's tough sometimes, it's tough.

I hope everyone had a great weekend! 


Lynda Halliger-Otvos said...

Can you find out for me how I came to your blog, Leslie? I truly don’t remember how i stumbled upon your particular brand of hilarity...

Dwija {House Unseen} said...

The search terms are the BEST entertainment. But I do feel sad for the sad folks who searched those sad things. That they needed google for that. You are such a good mom, Leslie. Truly!

anymommy said...

Thank you for saving me from that particular movie ... it's exactly the kind of thing I would want to watch and then hate!