Monday, June 20, 2011

I Basically Prove The Existence of God and Cole Draws Jesus A Friend Named Richard

If anyone feels troubled about the existence of God, I was given undeniable proof today that's he/she's for real. The information is so powerful that it would be next to impossible to refute it.

Are you ready for it?

All three of my children slept in their car seats for 2 hours and 15 minutes of my 2 hour and 45 minute drive to Houston this afternoon.  All three.  Total silence.  Absolute peace.  It was profound.

Everyone was reasonably fussy for the first 15 minutes or so and then I popped in a children's CD and everyone began to zone.  I soon found myself in a silent car singing along to a semi-creepy song about the Ten Commandments.  Seriously, that song is really scary and makes me a little afraid.

Here is a horrible picture of the knocked out kids, well parts of the boys and a portion of Stella's carseat since she's turned backward still and I can't photograph her while driving.

I immediately noticed that my shoulders weren't tense and my usual death grip on the wheel was relaxed without the normal fighting and cries of my children.  This was awesome.

Here is my reaction to the sleeping children.

Every moment felt like borrowed time so I immediately took care of the change in music and decided this was the perfect moment to dedicate some time to something I've been wanting to do for the last few weeks....memorize the words to that JLo On the Floor song. 

You all know it's my new jam, but I still could not get all the names of the cities correct and was saying all sorts of wrong versus.  It was shameful, and it needed to be corrected.  The silent car was just begging for some JLo.

After listening to the song about 5 times I decided that my time might be better spent listening to songs I already know by heart and rarely have the chance to belt the words out to them in peace.  I commenced listening to Counting Crows, Paul Simon, Cake, Spoon, and Dave Matthews. 

Oh it was nice. My rapidly churning brain raced with all the thoughts that normally are interrupted with cries for juice and questions about number sequence and the definition of words like "tonight."

Sidenote:  Can we talk about how difficult it is to define words and phrases like "tonight," "this afternoon," and "next week" to a five year old that doesn't have any concept of time?

While listening to my tunes, here are the primary topics which my thoughts drifted off to...
  • For a long time I have believed that the Lamar name I have seen on billboards refers to a popular landscaping company, but their ads never seem to mention landscaping, which I find ineffective and odd.  Today I realized that Lamar actually rents all these billboards and the world seems to all make sense now.
  • I don't understand how I used to wear really dark lipstick and now I feel like a clown if I wear anything more than a pale pink gloss.  Explain this, please.
  • I could totally have a fruit stand and be happy.  I would sell watermelons and beets and rock it. 
  • I really need to make a haircut appointment with this woman that I am determined is going to be my friend.  She's all arty and creative and I want her to like me.  I figure paying her will be a good first step toward a solid relationship. 
They are all still asleep.  I'm seriously giddy.

  • Why are there so many shirtless men driving trucks around here?
  • Would I ever be able to remain attacted to Alex if he had a tendancy to go shirtless when cruising around town in his 4Runner?  I would like to think so, but I'm not confident.  Is this foreshadowing for some impending relationship doom?
  • Call Alex.
  • How do my five year old's feet smell worse than my husbands?
  • I feel desperate to make Stella walk prior to our car trip to Indiana in a few weeks. How do you force a kid to walk?  Contemplate calling Alissa to talk about pediatric physical therapy exercises for this purpose.  It wouldn't hurt, right?
  • How do I convince Alex we need another dog?

How is this possible?   The deafening silence in my car is starting to worry me, because I can't enjoy anything too long without making it into something bad.  What is going on?  Is some sort of exhaust fume permeating my car and putting them into some sort of como-like state? 

Could I learn how do to this again?

You know what was the real kicker that God was riding in my van?

Everyone woke up right as we were approaching a Starbucks.  I mean, talk about Divine intervention!

This was good car ride folks.  Amazing.

Also amazing?

Here is Cole's picture of Jesus hanging out with his friends.
Am I the only one that thinks that Cole drew three penises for Jesus to hang out with?


Lynda Halliger-Otvos said...

Great day for you !~! I took two naps and played online Scrabble with my niece who just lost her dad, my younger brother, on the first of the month.

Dwija {House Unseen} said...

DID YOU BUY A LOTTERY TICKET???? What a brilliant day. Just look at all those thoughts you had!

But I have to confess that JLo's jam...the way she says "Afreeeeca" to make it kinda, sorta rhyme with "Ibiza" makes me want slap someone a little. I mean, did the Spanish tourism board pay her to choose that city? It don't make no sense!

Prudently Painted Vintage said...

Lol! Yep I thought penises too before I read what you wrote.

I would say you need to play the scary ten commandments song EVERY time you go somewhere!

Hope your ride home went or goes as smoothly!

Emmy said...

Wow! That truly is a miracle. I am hoping for the same type of miracle when we come back from the beach on Thursday- we are going down to a beach by my sister's so it is going to be about two hours back home. Love this post

The Brown Family said...

Seriously. You are hilarious. Anyway, I just moved to Round Rock with my little family and came across your blog when I was searching Yahoo for things to do in Round Rock. Thought that was pretty funny. I actually went to Starbucks today with my girls and looked for a guy with a bird on the patio. I didn't see one. Thanks for making me laugh.

aggiemommy said...

OMG!! Three penises??? Yep, I see them.

An entire car ride with sleeping babes? Wow. I'm speechless. Well, except for the laughing about the penises...

Hooray for you!!

Hugs :)

Momfever said...

This post was so funny I'm going to have to add you to my blog list! I just love the picture of your reaction to your kids sleeping.

Sarah AKA The Thriftress said...

It's great when you realize you are the only one still listening to the children's music! Also how on Earth do you take 3 kids into Starbucks. I drive out of my way to go to the drive-thru one!

Kelli @ RTSM said...

I could only dream of a car trip with all three of my kiddos sleeping! I totally get how relaxing it must have been:) My boys have been really bad about fighting lately...I'm thinking about making my oldest sit on the back row of our car for a while to see if that calms the fighting any! Thanks for making me smile and for giving me hope of decent roadtrips in the future:) Stopping by from Serenity Now. Have a great weekend!

Kerry Rossow said...

Holy Buckets- that sounds like a dream come true! I have four kiddos and they NEVER sleep on trips. On our last trip, my eldest, typical first born was asking tons of "Jesus" questions when my second born chimed in "I can burp my name" Burping and screaming promptly broke out.
Jesus, help me now.
Kerry at

Amanda @ Serenity Now said...

Brazil Morocco London to Ibiza Straight to LA New York, Vegas to Africa


Hilarious post!! I love it when my kids sleep in the car!