Monday, May 23, 2011

Should I Teach Hip Hop or Tap Class? And Other Deep Questions The Bachelorette Has Made Me Think About

First things first...I know that A LOT of you have been curious about what the voo-doo kid sleep gods did to punish me for talking about all three children sleeping all night on Saturday night. 

Well, all five of you can wonder no more.

Aiden woke me up around one to tell me that he wanted to sleep on the floor of my room.  Fantastic, I did not require this information.  About an hour later, Cole walked into our room crying and crawled on top of me, which allowed me to discover that he was on fire with fever.  Awesome!  Those voo-doo kid sleep gods are POWERFUL. 

I immediately took him to his room where I gave him generic Tylenol (and cursed myself for being cheap because I am convinced it doesn't work as well,) and a smidgen of Benedryll for his congestion(also generic, dammit!)  He had some serious seal barking cough going on and a lot of fever moaning for the next TWO HOURS PEOPLE! 

Seriously, do NOT talk about your kids sleeping well, you will be punished.  No one is above this. 

I will never talk about my kids' sleep on this site again, unless I am complaining about it.  (This is most likely a lie, but it feels like the truth right now so I'm going to let it stand.)

The Bachelorette just started and I have decided that I owe it to myself to watch this season.  I used to watch each season of The Bachelor or The Bachelorette, but then a horrible tragedy occurred and we had to get rid of our DVR. 

(Getting rid of the DVR was the tragedy, didn't want you all to think that I actually had something genuinely tragic occur.)

Without the ability to record these shows, it became rough to commit to watching each week. The show usually started at 7 pm here in the central time zone and that is right at bedtime for my kids so I almost always missed the first part of the show, or I would totally space watching at all because I would be focused on pouring my first kid's-are-in-bed glass of wine.  I have to keep focus!

I am so lazy. Where was my drive?  Didn't I owe it to Brad after watching him with DeAnna, after she was ditched by Jason, to then watch his second attempt at love?

I know I can do better.  I am not that flaky.

So, I'm committing to this lady. I have no clue who she is, apparently she loved Brad but just couldn't open up enough to really get him to love her (that's what everyone says lady,) likes to dance ballet on empty stages in empty theatres, loves to work inside people's mouths, and maybe teaches some sort of hip hop class? 

I really like the hip hop class part.  I would like to teach hip hop.  Hip hop and an adult tap class. 

Maybe a combo of the two?

I don't know.  I'm probably not figuring it all out tonight everyone, you'll have to check back. My dance career will have to wait.

OK, I'm going to talk about the show so if you haven't watched it and you don't want to know anything about it you should probably stop reading, print this, and keep it under your pillow until you see it.  Anywhere else would seem crazy.  I think you would agree.

But really, who cares?  This isn't the Superbowl.

I actually don't understand caring about that either, but maybe you do.

First and foremost I must express my love and devotion to Chris Harrison.  If I am ever tragically forced to look for my true love again, I would feel 100% confident allowing him to guide my journey to Mr. Right.  Wait, is he single?  That could work.

Could Chris Harrison and I really build a happy life together?  Yes.

I hate the part where the guys come out of the limo.  I can't stand how awkward the whole situation is and basically forces me to turn away, often.   I can't imagine being in that situation. 

My favorite cheesy guy is the one that tried to do the "Big Mac, Fillet-O-Fish hand shake thing." 

OK, it wasn't the McDonald's one from my youth, but it could have been, which is strange and clearly does not seem like a solid move for beginning a romantic relationship unless it is with a 5th grade girl and then you have a whole slew of other problems that not even Chris Harrison could help you through.

(By the way, I can't remember most of the guys names yet so I'm going to label them by their actions...which is more important, and fun, anyway.)

I genuinely think the guy that did the dental floss around the finger thing was the best.  Well done guy.  I unfortunately don't remember who he is now, but it was really good in the moment.

What is up with the guy with the mask?  Sorry Jeff, this isn't noble to not want to judge by looks.  That's sort of part of the beginning of this thing.  You didn't sign up for The Dating Game, this is "real" life.

I don't think the idea is entirely horrible, but Jeff was acting weird too so it's just making him seem like a freak.  Does he really have to wear it in the house with the guys?  Did the producers really have to keep that clip of him sitting on the toilet while wearing it?  Ugh, you don't have a chance dude.

I wish the other guys were nicer to him, and I think they are assholes for being rude, but he is really making it tough for people to be normal to him. 

Apparently Ashley digs the whole Phantom of The Opera Vibe, but I do not get it.  She's going to be even more fun to watch this season than I thought.  Her judgement is marred and that it is just good TV. Score for me jumping back in to the show just in time!

Where do I begin with the drunk guy?  What the hell was he thinking?  Why is he still drinking beer when he can't even keep it in his mouth?  I am really surprised that Ashley feels sorry for him (remember marred judgement,) but so glad she sent him home. She should have stolen his massive diamond watch before unloading you though, he probably wouldn't have noticed and it was HUGE!

First impression rose guy was pretty great.  Way too nice and clean for my taste, but I see why she was interested. I did feel like he was getting ready to offer her a great deal on solar panels though when they had their first conversation, and sort of wish he had because it would have made him more interesting.

I wanted to die when she admitted to PJ or JP or Bald Smiley Guy From NY that she wants her future husband to call her Cupcake. I think that's strange.  Maybe it's fun or something, but mostly it's weird to me. Possibly this is related to her hip hop roots?

Oh the Bentley situation.  Oh boy.  We've clearly identified our asshole for the season.  Fantastic.

Why, oh why, is she going to keep this guy around when she has already gotten a phone call warning her about him?  Aren't there enough guys to chose from that no one is warning you about?  Use your head lady!

I think she's going to like the bad guy though and Bentley has that written all over him.  He's already named his daughter Cozy, so he's prone to abuse. There's a history Ashley! 

He's really going to make this show a gem to watch this season though, I can tell.  Thank you Bentley.

As usual, I am shocked at the amount of emotion the guys not chosen feel upon leaving.  They are still infinitely more sane than the majority of women in this situation, but still.  Get it together guys! 

You don't even know her!  Do you leave the bars crying when a chick you talked to for 30 minutes doesn't decide to add you to her list of potential husbands?  Ugh.  It's so sad. I get that it feels like rejection, well because it is, but buck up and smile so you don't go on TV tearing up about this woman.

I'm officially hooked.  It only took one episode, but it's safe to say that I am committed.  No flaking out this time. I won't let you down. 

5 comments:

Grumpy Grateful Mom said...

I am still debating weather to watch this season. I was not a fan of this particular Bachelorette last season. Maybe that will make is more amusing. hmmmm.

Pink Stitches said...

I haven't seen this show since season one. I knew the girl and the show failed to mention that while she chose Ryan, she had actually gotten pregnant with Charlie that last night! Why would they leave out all that good juicy stuff??!

mama_pez said...

Damn you! You are going to make me watch The Bachelorette, just so I will know what the hell you are talking about. This is going to take copious amounts of alcohol...

Sandra said...

As someone who has never watched the Bachelor/Bachelorette, see, now talk of mask-guy has me thinking I need to tune in!

Emmy said...

Shoot now I really want to watch. My kids sleep horribly and wake up all night long...am I safe now?