In recent years I haven't been as prone to crying...until the last few weeks. Don't get me wrong, in those first days or perhaps months after the addition of each child (days for Stella, months for the boys) there have been a generous share of exhaustion induced bawling sessions, each time terrifying Alex and making me wonder why I never demanded anti-depressants from my obstetrician.
Overall though, I like to think I'm emotional more steeled than I used to be. I also like to think I'm smarter and more attractive than I used to be so perhaps I'm just progressively becoming more and more delusional and self absorbed. I guess either way I still think things are getting better for me so I must be winning!
During the last few weeks though I have been crying at the drop of the hat, or anything else that chooses to fall around me. And before you ask, yes, there have been female oriented times that have probably brought on a slew of additional emotions and such, but I don't think that's entirely it.
(I also think I might punch Alex in the head if he asks me again if I think "girl things" have to do with my tears. I assume he's referring to my period, but I guess he could be talking about earrings, makeup, giggling, or watching things like The Notebook - which I can not watch without melting into tears.)
What is going on with me?
Last week I sobbed off and on for days over an email from a family member telling me I disappointed them, I felt so hurt, judged and demeaned. (This clearly shows I'm nuts.)
I wept when my Mom asked me my comments about Aiden's Mother's Day mum because I felt horrified that she thought for a moment that I would perceive my child's gift to be weird (not the concept of mum giving that exists to here, and which I have had zero experience with ever, but I do think is sort of weird.) I was convinced everyone thought of me as a horrible mother, including myself. Could I be any more of a whiner?
I cried, unable to catch my breath after reading an article about a little three year boy that was beaten by his own Mother and her boyfriend for peeing his pants, then laid dying while they ordered pizza.
(Ok that one totally merits tears, lots of tears. My apologies if I just broke your heart too. Go hug your kid or something.)
But on Thursday and Friday, with Blogger unavailable to let me write, I reached a new low. I was crying at the most ridiculous things. Here are a few things I found pathetically stirring my emotions, and my tear ducts.
- The lady on Extreme Couponing had her little boy go with her to dig through dumpsters for coupons. This was sad to me. Don't make your kid climb in a dumpster so you can buy 40 boxes of frozen pizza snacks that you shouldn't be eating to begin with....even if you do give him gloves to wear during the search and they only cost you $.40.
- Alex offering to go to the grocery store for me Thursday night in preparation for my girl's weekend. So sweet. So helpful. So starting to cry now.
- Watching 16 and Pregnant. I cried for the baby, the ridiculously immature and NOT READY little girl, and her idiot boyfriend that really should be at the park riding his skateboard and not getting anywhere close to a newborn.
- Amity's return from her too long trip to Denmark and her visit to my house to just hang out! Tears of joy after she left because I'm so happy she's back.
- Chloe crying to Lamar about feeling fat. Or their fight over their fragrance bottle top. Serious stuff. I love Lamar. After Alex, I am totally marrying an African American NBA player. It could happen.
Alex does do fantastic tricks! He totally deserves recognition for this.
Some of the above items are sweet, some of them are just crazy. Why do I care about couponers or Chloe Kardashian's body image? I don't think I do, perhaps my delusion is spreading though? Why are they bringing me to tears?
Maybe I've just finally lost it?
During my girl's weekend I teared up while watching this baby goat desperately try to nurse from her mother, who really had no interest in feeding her child or kid or whatever you call a baby goat. I also heard that two other baby goats had died shortly after birth because their mother refused to feed them. This is just sad. The Mom ran away right after this photo. Clearly this is worth crying over. Right?
Also, one goat tried to attack me. Probably because I was wearing this and hanging out with goats on my girl's weekend trip. He felt I should be punished. I thought I was having fun.
If only I had worn my "I Love Goats" tee.
Tomorrow is Aiden's preschool graduation ceremony and I am fairly confident my emotional string of waterworks will cease because it would totally make sense for me be emotional about this event as a mother.....which is why I will probably fail to show any sign of being stirred by this event.
I have little doubt though that I'll cry big tears over the important decisions of things like what I should wear to the event. I'm doing such a good job keeping things in perspective these days.