Monday, May 16, 2011

Don't You Cry When Chloe and Lamar Have An Emotional Discussion?

I used to be very quick to well up and surrender to a good cry, it made me feel better. Or at least I think it did, I can barely remember anything prior to a month ago. I'm easily confused lately.

In recent years I haven't been as prone to crying...until the last few weeks. Don't get me wrong, in those first days or perhaps months after the addition of each child (days for Stella, months for the boys) there have been a generous share of exhaustion induced bawling sessions, each time terrifying Alex and making me wonder why I never demanded anti-depressants from my obstetrician.

Overall though, I like to think I'm emotional more steeled than I used to be. I also like to think I'm smarter and more attractive than I used to be so perhaps I'm just progressively becoming more and more delusional and self absorbed. I guess either way I still think things are getting better for me so I must be winning!

During the last few weeks though I have been crying at the drop of the hat, or anything else that chooses to fall around me. And before you ask, yes, there have been female oriented times that have probably brought on a slew of additional emotions and such, but I don't think that's entirely it.

(I also think I might punch Alex in the head if he asks me again if I think "girl things" have to do with my tears. I assume he's referring to my period, but I guess he could be talking about earrings, makeup, giggling, or watching things like The Notebook - which I can not watch without melting into tears.)

What is going on with me?

Last week I sobbed off and on for days over an email from a family member telling me I disappointed them, I felt so hurt, judged and demeaned. (This clearly shows I'm nuts.)

I wept when my Mom asked me my comments about Aiden's Mother's Day mum because I felt horrified that she thought for a moment that I would perceive my child's gift to be weird (not the concept of mum giving that exists to here, and which I have had zero experience with ever, but I do think is sort of weird.) I was convinced everyone thought of me as a horrible mother, including myself. Could I be any more of a whiner?

I cried, unable to catch my breath after reading an article about a little three year boy that was beaten by his own Mother and her boyfriend for peeing his pants, then laid dying while they ordered pizza.

(Ok that one totally merits tears, lots of tears. My apologies if I just broke your heart too. Go hug your kid or something.)

But on Thursday and Friday, with Blogger unavailable to let me write, I reached a new low. I was crying at the most ridiculous things. Here are a few things I found pathetically stirring my emotions, and my tear ducts.

  1. The lady on Extreme Couponing had her little boy go with her to dig through dumpsters for coupons. This was sad to me. Don't make your kid climb in a dumpster so you can buy 40 boxes of frozen pizza snacks that you shouldn't be eating to begin with....even if you do give him gloves to wear during the search and they only cost you $.40.
  2. Alex offering to go to the grocery store for me Thursday night in preparation for my girl's weekend. So sweet. So helpful. So starting to cry now.
  3. Watching 16 and Pregnant. I cried for the baby, the ridiculously immature and NOT READY little girl, and her idiot boyfriend that really should be at the park riding his skateboard and not getting anywhere close to a newborn.
  4. Amity's return from her too long trip to Denmark and her visit to my house to just hang out! Tears of joy after she left because I'm so happy she's back.
  5. Chloe crying to Lamar about feeling fat. Or their fight over their fragrance bottle top.  Serious stuff.  I love Lamar. After Alex, I am totally marrying an African American NBA player. It could happen.
  6. Seeing Cole's year of artwork in his school journal. Breaking my heart.

I love that he's that he is thankful for his brother. I also love that Aiden shyly smiled and gave his look of suppressed joy when we were reading through the journal as a family. When he heard Cole be so enthusiastic about his gratitude for him the waterworks started immediately. 

Alex does do fantastic tricks!  He totally deserves recognition for this.

Some of the above items are sweet, some of them are just crazy. Why do I care about couponers or Chloe Kardashian's body image? I don't think I do, perhaps my delusion is spreading though? Why are they bringing me to tears?

Maybe I've just finally lost it?

During my girl's weekend I teared up while watching this baby goat desperately try to nurse from her mother, who really had no interest in feeding her child or kid or whatever you call a baby goat. I also heard that two other baby goats had died shortly after birth because their mother refused to feed them. This is just sad. The Mom ran away right after this photo.  Clearly this is worth crying over. Right?

Also, one goat tried to attack me. Probably because I was wearing this and hanging out with goats on my girl's weekend trip.  He felt I should be punished.  I thought I was having fun.

If only I had worn my "I Love Goats" tee.

Tomorrow is Aiden's preschool graduation ceremony and I am fairly confident my emotional string of waterworks will cease because it would totally make sense for me be emotional about this event as a mother.....which is why I will probably fail to show any sign of being stirred by this event.

I have little doubt though that I'll cry big tears over the important decisions of things like what I should wear to the event.  I'm doing such a good job keeping things in perspective these days.


yippiemom said...

Thanks for waiting to cry until after I left. You know how I hate awkward emotional outbursts. I was actually a little teary eyed too. I think I'm nostalgic for something that hasn't even ended yet. I'm going to miss laying around your house while our kids try to maim each other with booby traps.

yippiemom said...

Yikes, just realized that I am completely self absorbed (actually I kind of already knew that). I've noticed that I only post comments on your blog when I'm mentioned. I'm a horrible friend and promise to post supportive and funny comments even if you don't tell the world how wonderful I am.

Pink Stitches said...

My heart is totally broken for the three year old little boy who was beaten to death. I hate hearing stories like that :-(

Lynda Halliger-Otvos said...

Leslie, there have been periods (no pun intended) of my adult life where I cried every time I breathed, or so it seemed to me and the hubster; and who cares if it is “girl crap”, we need to be loved thru it regardless of why it is so wracking. You are having one of those times, it sounds to me.

Solution: HA !~! no freakin’ clue. I read online until I found a piece that told me I couldn’t just sit around and cry all the time cuz it wasn’t fair to my family. I don’t know why that particular piece of advice pulled me out of it, but it did. I suggest you start googling and keep reading until Stella eats your leg cuz now YOU are forgetting to feed her too.

I read widow blogs since my only sister died way too young three years ago. I need to be able to cry about Teri a Lot--like now again--and I get those feelings validated by the surviving spouse groups. I have not found “Sister Grief” help anywhere yet.

I hope this helps in some way, Sunshine. Have a great Tuesday.

Mrs. R said...

I'm a crier too! I cried recently because we took the newborn net out of Baby K's bathtub, stopped using his "travel bed" and let him lay in his crib without it like a big boy, Regis is leaving, Sue's sister died on Glee, I read your blog post....yep, always a reason to cry!

Stopped by for PYHO! New Follower!

Kim said...

I think all these things warrant tears. some of us are too desensitized! Your wrote this with humour that made me laugh out loud. Today my husband said - hey aren't you going to have a girl party because it's the last day of Oprah. I would have punched him but I was nursing the baby.

Heather said...

I am sorry that I found the beginning and the end of this post so humorous. I don't want to laugh at your tears!!
I never used to cry, but now I do find myself getting choked up more often - over sometimes STUPID stuff.
The child abuse part just absolutely breaks my heart. It is the reason I quit watching teh news years ago.

Shell said...

Preschool graduations are almost always a time for crying.

The rest? Well, I think I cry at silly things when I really need to get it out.

Anonymous said...

Who cares? They have everything and all they have to do is act like jackasses in front of TV cameras. What skill does she have to warrant her famous? NOTHING...