Tuesday, May 3, 2011

"Bury the Approval Idol and Have Cole Pee On It"

If you read yesterday's post.  Switching to this is probably the blog topic change equivalent of rocking out to Rob Bass and DJ EZ Rock at your junior high DJ party and then having the DJ throw on some Michael Bolton.

Michael sounds pretty, even makes you want to sway while someone has their hands around your waist, maybe even make out....but it's no Joy and Pain.

(This makes sense, I promise...assuming you know who these people are, you had something called a DJ back when you were in junior high and you grew up in Carmel, IN or somewhere else where the DJ birthday party was all the rage of social status for your seventh and eighth grade years of junior high.  If not, I could try to explain but aren't you already a little bored just trying to figure it out?)

The words in the title are ringing in my ears right now.  "Bury the approval idol and have Cole pee on it." I am desperately praying that they permeate into my heart and my mind so I can get some peace.  My good friend Jenn said them today after a discussion about some feedback I received today.

She's wise that Jenn.  She and I go shopping together, fix one another food, go to the same church, have our kids play together, babysit each other's children and braid each other's hair. 

(OK, we totally don't braid one another's hair, but I like to think we're good enough friends that we could in a pinch.)

It's wonderful to have people that would braid your hair.  Fortunately I am surrounded by them, but it doesn't always feel like that when I get feedback on my writing.  Sometimes it feels like people would rather just shave my head, and that feels sort of horrible.

Despite my knowledge that I truly only answer to One, I want everyone to like me.  As it turns out, I am actually nothing close to likable for a number of people...and that's tough to swallow.  It really sucks sometimes.

Everyone has their opinion.  I genuinely respect that.  I just have a difficult time with someone taking the time to contact me to tell me they don't like what I'm doing one little bit. 

The best and most difficult thing for me since I started this blog has been staying true to myself.  I wanted to write about the truth of everything I am feeling and thinking (more or less,) because I think that is what makes it worth writing and I would hope, worth reading.

I am not the same everyday and I wouldn't want to be.  I like my dark, sarcastic side and I like my soft and sensitive side.  I like to give them both their time to be heard.  If I wrote a daily blog about the rays of sunshine that beam on my kids faces every morning and the joy that erupts in my heart at the sight of them, I would be a big fat liar. 

This is me.  This is genuinely me.  Why is it so rough for me to shake the negativity that a few people drag into my inbox?  I'm going to need to start some sort of daily self affirmation ritual.  I'm fully open to any and all suggestions of what I should do.

(Unless you're just going to be mean, then please don't waste your negativity on me, there are lots of hateful people I've met and I'd be happy to forward you their contact information.)

I must continue on the long quest to bury that approval idol and perhaps have Cole pee on it for good measure, because it keeps rearing it's ugly head in my life.  And as long as I have this blog, I have a feeling it will continue to rear it's ugly head again and again.

At least I'll always have Rob Bass and DJ EZ Rock to comfort me.


Pink Stitches said...

Leslie, I know just how you feel. I'm always afraid to let it all out because people might "not like me". I hold back on a lot of topics and issues and just keep my blog bright and sunny, for the most part. But this is one of the reasons why I admire you and the way you write. I honestly feel like I know you in real life because you write as if you are really talking to me and being real. I'm sure all of those haters that email you aren't perfect and they probably curse on a regular basis but just because they aren't making it "public", they feel some sort of right to judge and look down on others? Those people are worse than any of us because they are big fat hypocrites. Anywho, I'm sending you big gigantic rays of sunshine to fill your inbox!! xoxo If you've stayed to read my entire novel, I just wanted to tell you that I'm working on your tote as I type! I'll post pics tomorrow!!

Leah said...

Leslie, I think this only means you have hit the big time! I have only ever heard "big time" bloggers complain about negativity...so there's that to be thankful for! "Hey, I have enough people reading my blog that some of them don't like me!!! YAY!!!"
I think everytime I got a negative comment I would send them an email and say "Thanks for proving I have hit the big time, sucka!!" and move on!

pezzoni1 said...

You know that old saying about which way most of the fingers are pointing when you point at someone? Super true. When people criticize others, they should imagine the other person is a mirror, because it is really themselves that needs to hear their message.
Not that this makes it any easier to be on the receiving end.
The only suggestion I could think of that doesn't involve a radical change in your personality (which would be bullshit!), is to have the feedback sent to a specific email address that can be screened by someone, a friend or hubby. Criticism can be helpful, but can also be hurtful. I would hope your screener can relay the helpful stuff in a constructive way and delete the hurtful.
It would be a huge loss for these trolls to run you off the internet. I am not the only one who would be saddened. You have many followers who love you and hope the few bad apples don't ruin the bunch for you.

Ben Rasche said...

Leslie, sing with me
" ...I got an idea That I wanna share. You don't like it? So what, I don't care. I'm number one, the uno, I like comp. Bring all the suckers 'cause all them I'll stomp. Bold and black but I won't protect all of my followers 'cause all I want is respect..."

Anonymous said...

I like your blog and can relate to a lot of what you write about. Except, I really really don't like the repeated comments about people that are overweight. (I am not overweight.) They are completely unnecessary and usually off topic, and they add a sentiment of mean-spiritedness that you probably do not intend.

The Mommy Therapy said...

Thank you people! I love having your support and sometimes I desperately need to hear some positive reinforcement.

Overweight people? Anonymous....I don't even think about overweight people. I feel I need a list of all references to adequately discuss this so I'm going to forget it, but I'll certainly think of it next time I even start to type the word overweight.

If they are there they are 100% unintentional or 100% relevant to what I am discussing.

Geez....it's even a post about not wanting to be beat up.

Pink Stitches said...

I think it's YOUR blog and you can write whatever you want. If someone is going to try to give you restrictions on what to write on your own blog, they should at least have the courtesy to leave a comment under a public profile...

Dwija {House Unseen} said...

Well I am SUPER behind on my reading (shame on me) and whole day late on coming back here to read this like I promised I would in my insomniac stupor the other night, but I want you to know that I know how you feel. I KNOW, for realz. I want the approval of people I don't know or care about, even some people who I don't even like at all. I don't want to like them, but I want them to like me. And I annoy myself with that. Whoever sends you hateful notes is a jerk. If they don't like it, they don't have to read it. I don't know if you saw my "keepin' it real" post but this has to do exactly with that. People think that they can say unkind things to you in the name of "keeping it real". I don't agree. This is your blog. You say what you want. If they want to "keep it real" they can get their own blog and do it there. Truly "Keeping it real" is what you are doing. "Being mean" is what they are doing. Like the people who told me that I was too insert-whatever-here. Who are they to decide that? So what's the perfect level of exuberant/frustrated ? There isn't one, that's what.

Sorry for the tirade. I just want people to be nice to each other, ya know? :)