Monday, April 11, 2011

Turns Out, It's All Stella's Fault

First off, I'm a big fat liar.  I told you I would give you an update of the playroom's state on Sunday night and that just did not happen.  My deepest apologies.  I was really busy...with something I'm sure. I'm very busy.

So, all my playroom makeover dreams were basically shattered when Alex informed me that this would be the stopping point until NEXT weekend. 

Good Lord, we didn't even come close to a makeover weekend. We haven't painted the corners or the edges near the trim.  Oh, and do you see the curtains slung over the kid kitchen?  Even better, the rod is still in the box.  Good thing I have a party here Thursday night.  (Let me know if you want to come by the way.)

In happier news....Alex and I did a semi switch in roles this Sunday.  Ever since Stella was born I have been more or less glued to her. She obviously requires more direct care and attention than the boys do and when we do anything I am always holding Stella or waiting by the stroller with Stella while I watch the boys go off and do something else.  When we went to the rodeo as a family a few weeks ago, I felt like I had a completely separate experience there with Stella than Alex did with the boys.  It's just tough to all do anything together.  That baby really holds me back.

So Sunday afternoon I took the boys to a birthday party and a quick errand at Sears while Alex stayed home with Stella.  His plans were to finish painting the playroom, so clearly he needed to spend more time with her to realize that he wouldn't even be able to pee without her making a run for the fireplace and scattering the rocks all over the place, including a few in her mouth to choke on and die.

I was a little concerned about my daughter's safety, but pretty confident she wouldn't let him get too far off track.  She demands attention when she wants or needs it. 

And we all know how much painting he got done.  (See photo above.)  I think his lesson has been learned.

So I took the boys to a bouncing place for a birthday party.  I usually hate doing this sort of thing. I feel annoyed that I have to spend the weekend among even more children, I'm frustrated that I'm not getting more accomplished and I feel frantic the whole time that my children are being loaded with sugar and will probably be too tired to even function through dinner and bedtime without at least 83 meltdowns. I'm usually at least 30 minutes late, trying to strategically plot how and where to feed Stella and trying to manage a stroller while pulling tantrum having Cole out of the parking lot before he gets hit by a car.

Even at my favorite people's kids' birthday parties, it just sort of blows.

This was different though, very different.  Not having Stella attached to me changed everything. I actually walked around with the boys.  I got into the bounce houses and jumped, slid down slides and threw inflatable balls at Aiden and Cole.  (All balls thrown were in fun and surprisingly not a single one was thrown in a moment of aggression!)

The truth is, I had a great time. I loved being able to actually spend time with them...who knew?  It was fun to be able to run after them and move without just having to scream from the sidelines.  It was fantastic.

The best part?  I know that I can now blame Stella whenever I am feeling overwhelmed and not enjoying anything that I go do with the boys because really it's just her fault.  I love excuses for my negative parental behavior!

After the party we went to Sears to return my latest Lands End purchases and buy Alex some new mower blades.  It was as thrilling as it sounds.

I made the return, which involved a very kind young man that spoke with a lisp and had that skin condition where he loses the pigment so that he looks very splottchy.  I thought I was going to have a heart attack waiting for Aiden or Cole to point and loudly ask me what was wrong with this poor young man's face.  Thank the Lord, they both were too distracted by the escalator to worry about this boy's Michael Jackson issues.

After the return the boys and I headed for the always thrilling escalator.  We had no reason to go upstairs since the lawn care was on the first floor, but as a mother of only two I can make dreams like this come true. The escalator is something the boys have learned to yearn for because I usually have Stella with me in the stroller and can't handle all three of them and the stroller while riding.  We ordinarily are forced to ride the elevator and the boys' only joy is getting to push a button...lame!

We rode up the escalator and I discovered we were in the children's section.  $60 later the boys each had an obnoxious character t-shirt and Stella had a collection of bubble outfits and dresses that made me swoon. Fantastic. Who knew there was so much reasonably priced joy at Sears?

We headed back to lawn care.  Of course the guy that was helping us had no idea what kind of a blade Alex needed, nor where to find out the answer to that question...much less where such a blade would be if he did know.  Ugh. I started to wonder if I was actually talking to a Sears employee or just someone in a navy polo that thought it might be fun to mess with me.

The boys were happily playing among the fake garage equipment and lawn mowers though so I dug deep for patience. Besides, I only had two kids!  Life was easy.

After about 15 minutes though, we hadn't made a lot of progress and Aiden suddenly tells me his tummy hurts.  I tell him to sit down and we'll go in a moment.  Ten seconds later I ask him if he needs to go to the bathroom, to which he replies, "I already pooped in my underpants." 

Fantastic. The description of, "my tummy hurts," just didn't quite cover all the ailments there.

Now, this doesn't throw me too much, I mean these things happen right?  Except this is Aiden. He is very particular.  He overflowed our toilet this weekend because he used so many wipes after pooping.  He likes to go to the bathroom in my bathroom because there is a large full length mirror where he can bend over and check to be sure all the poop is gone. Particular doesn't even scratch the surface. 

I quickly told the clerk to find what he could and we'd be back.  Of course the bathrooms were all the way back upstairs.  We couldn't take the escalator again though because Cole had decided he was too weak to walk so I had busted out the stroller for him.  Back to the elevator.

After getting things cleared up with Aiden, and thankfully finding that things weren't as bad as I thought they might be, I threw Aiden's underwear away. This traumatized him since he hates throwing away even the smallest and most useless of things, like the broken piece to a toy he got in a Sonic kid's meal, but he did finally conceded and we were off toward the elevator again.

Right outside the elevator is this.

Which both of my children decided to spank several times and giggle about a "bad booty," while an elderly woman and her husband stared with horrific looks on their faces.  I assume they were appalled at my children's actions, but I like to think they just didn't approve of the undergarments.

Then, the boys turned and asked why I didn't want to look at these.

Because they thought they were pretty.  My kids have really good taste in lingerie.  I assume the elderly couple now thinks that these are the types of things I wear around the house while taking care of my 3 and 5 year old boys.  It was weird that they didn't ride down in the elevator with us.
We finally made it back to the lawn care area, picked up Alex's mower blades and headed home. 

Even with one child pooping in his pants, I felt calm and really happy with the day.  Is this what all people with two children feel? Is there something magical that happens once your children can all walk independently, speak in full sentences and more or less use the potty?  If so, I can't wait for Stella to get there. 

She sure is sweet, but she really divides the family now and makes quality time with the boys tough. I'm proud of Alex and me for mixing up the childcare for a day and giving him a chance with Stella (which he loved by the way, even with all the unfinished work it left,) and me a chance to just hang with the boys.  We are truly amazing parents, right?  I can think of no other reason for why our kids are so freakin' fantastic.*

*Please remember this sentence for giggles when tomorrow I resume my ordinary rants and ravings about how these kids drive me nuts.  Today, and today only they're great. 


Lynda Halliger-Otvos said...

You slay me, Kiddo. Babies are fun but you are right they do divide a family pretty hard. She’ll be a semi-reasonable human in a another year or two.

-dweej said...

He was going to PAINT while he hung out with her? Husbands can be so...special.

And the thing I've found with kids is that it's always easy with one less than the amount you own. When you have 2 kids, you can handle 1 and feel relaxed. When you have three, you feel relaxed at two. Now that I have four, when I go anywhere with "just" three of them I'm all "check me out, yo. Mother of the year walkin' here!"

Sue said...

@dweej - I love your observation, so true about easier with one less and I only have ONE!

Great post, Leslie!

Jen said...

Um, hi. I love your blog :)

Anonymous said...

me too, jen...i discovered it abt a week ago-HILARIOUS!

The Mommy Therapy said...

Thanks everyone!

My husband does have special needs when it comes to child care. He tries though.

I figure soon I'll be able to do everything with all three, or at least one goes to school next year so I'll be down a kid 5 days a week! Woo hoo! And a little boo-hoo too.

Kimi said...

You described everything so perfectly, I felt like I was right behind you at Sears! Thanks for the laugh...