I am so sick of talking about exhaustion, but it has been a dominating factor in my life the last 6 years. I just want to go to bed, sleep until morning and wake up feeling like a million bucks. Is that too much to ask?
Things have been easier lately since Stella is usually a much better sleeper than the boys were at this age, but last night threw me back into all those emotions that being truly worn out will elicit. Oh how I hate exhausted Mommy emotions.
I have a headache that is dull and making it painful to keep my eyes open. I keep snacking on whatever is in front of me because I feel like it will make me feel better, it gives me gas. Not better. I have two broken nails that keep bothering me, but I am not motivated to go find my clippers to cut them so I am forced to sit and complain about it. This is my go-to approach for problem solving when feeling this sleep deprived.
I am more easily confused than ever today. My kids are confusing the hell out of me with the simplest of questions. Aiden just asked me what the difference is between white bread and wheat bread and I couldn't think of a single thing to say other than white is bad and whole wheat is good. I'm sure that will come back to haunt me through his comments to friends that eat white bread.
I have been staring at my floors in disgust for about 4 days now, but my plan to clean today was sabotaged by my extreme fatigue. So now I am just staring at Indiana's dirt dog prints and the random piles of sand that have been tracked in over the last week and thinking that they'll probably wait another day, or two....or three.
At a dinner with friends the other night we were discussing meth, because we are really classy like that, and I decided I need to take up this drug. Will I look a little rough around the edges soon? Probably. Will I be able to only get a few hours sleep and still clean my floors and explain different types of breads? Most likely.
I sort of understand why so many people, especially women are doing this drug. Apparently you can stay up for hours on end, and you get skinny. Bonus! Sure, your teeth are probably going to split in half and soon you'll be all twitchy and stuff, but think of all the items on the to-do list you could accomplish if you only needed a few hours sleep each night.
Perhaps this is how Charlie Sheen is winning? Again, I don't feel completely disconnected to him. Maybe you are on to something Charlie. Not that Charlie Sheen is doing drugs of course, he's just winning and I want to win too. I just think that I would definitely have to be doing drugs to win.
I wonder if I would feel this cranky and uncomfortable if I took up meth? Isn't meth made from over the counter cold medicine? Does that mean that it might eliminate these headaches I feel when I am this tired? I wonder if maybe my kids will just start sleeping so I can feel normal again or if snacking and tooting is going to be forever now that I'm feeling perpetual exhaustion? Is meth expensive? I'll never be able to work it into our new tight cash budget if it's more than $15 a week. Maybe that could get me at least a few good days of task accomplishment on 2 hours sleep.
What age is this lack of sleep thing a problem of the past? Someone please tell me soon or I'm going to have to start this meth habit, and I really think I will be a poor drug user. I'm just not good at things that seem that far outside the bounds of what I am "supposed" to be doing. I'm pretty sure Nancy Reagan told me to "Just Say No," and I more or less always have. More or less.
(This is totally for affect Mom and Dad. I ALWAYS said no to drugs growing up.)
I'm off to bed. I'm praying Stella lets me sleep more than two hours or else tomorrow could be the beginning of the end for my teeth and my high moral standards. It could also be the beginning of a spotless house and a LOT more fun blog posts for you all.