Tuesday, April 5, 2011

My Journey to Meth Addiction

I'm so tired.  Last night was rough with Stella.  Apparently her ear infection is affecting her more than the doctor thought that it would...go figure. It was brutal, especially since I stupidly avoided giving her pain medicine until around 4 am.  What's my problem?

I am so sick of talking about exhaustion, but it has been a dominating factor in my life the last 6 years. I just want to go to bed, sleep until morning and wake up feeling like a million bucks.  Is that too much to ask? 

Things have been easier lately since Stella is usually a much better sleeper than the boys were at this age, but last night threw me back into all those emotions that being truly worn out will elicit.  Oh how I hate exhausted Mommy emotions.

I have a headache that is dull and making it painful to keep my eyes open.  I keep snacking on whatever is in front of me because I feel like it will make me feel better, it gives me gas.  Not better.  I have two broken nails that keep bothering me, but I am not motivated to go find my clippers to cut them so I am forced to sit and complain about it.  This is my go-to approach for problem solving when feeling this sleep deprived.

I am more easily confused than ever today.  My kids are confusing the hell out of me with the simplest of questions.  Aiden just asked me what the difference is between white bread and wheat bread  and I couldn't think of a single thing to say other than white is bad and whole wheat is good.  I'm sure that will come back to haunt me through his comments to friends that eat white bread. 

I have been staring at my floors in disgust for about 4 days now, but my plan to clean today was sabotaged by my extreme fatigue.  So now I am just staring at Indiana's dirt dog prints and the random piles of sand that have been tracked in over the last week and thinking that they'll probably wait another day, or two....or three. 

At a dinner with friends the other night we were discussing meth, because we are really classy like that, and I decided I need to take up this drug.  Will I look a little rough around the edges soon?  Probably.  Will I be able to only get a few hours sleep and still clean my floors and explain different types of breads?  Most likely.

I sort of understand why so many people, especially women are doing this drug.  Apparently you can stay up for hours on end, and you get skinny.  Bonus!  Sure, your teeth are probably going to split in half and soon you'll be all twitchy and stuff, but think of all the items on the to-do list you could accomplish if you only needed a few hours sleep each night. 

Perhaps this is how Charlie Sheen is winning?  Again, I don't feel completely disconnected to him.  Maybe you are on to something Charlie.  Not that Charlie Sheen is doing drugs of course, he's just winning and I want to win too.  I just think that I would definitely have to be doing drugs to win.

I wonder if I would feel this cranky and uncomfortable if I took up meth?  Isn't meth made from over the counter cold medicine?  Does that mean that it might eliminate these headaches I feel when I am this tired?  I wonder if maybe my kids will just start sleeping so I can feel normal again or if snacking and tooting is going to be forever now that I'm feeling perpetual exhaustion?  Is meth expensive?  I'll never be able to work it into our new tight cash budget if it's more than $15 a week.  Maybe that could get me at least a few good days of task accomplishment on 2 hours sleep.

What age is this lack of sleep thing a problem of the past?  Someone please tell me soon or I'm going to have to start this meth habit, and I really think I will be a poor drug user.  I'm just not good at things that seem that far outside the bounds of what I am "supposed" to be doing.  I'm pretty sure Nancy Reagan told me to "Just Say No," and I more or less always have.  More or less.

(This is totally for affect Mom and Dad.  I ALWAYS said no to drugs growing up.)

I'm off to bed.  I'm praying Stella lets me sleep more than two hours or else tomorrow could be the beginning of the end for my teeth and my high moral standards.  It could also be the beginning of a spotless house and a LOT more fun blog posts for you all.


Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com said...

I'm sending lots of warm wishes for waking up after a full night's sleep feeling like a million bucks =)

Lynda Halliger-Otvos said...

being tired all the damn time is horrible; it feels like one will never get out of that exhausted state.

sending healing hugs....

Cheryl said...

Should someone being staging an intervention, here? ;)
Hang in there - it will get better! That is my mantra when I am sleep deprived. It won't always be like this. Just keep telling yourself that at 2 am. I promise it doesn't help, but it's worth a shot, right?

Erin W said...

I'm so sorry that you are so tired {which I am sure is an understatement in itself}. I'll definitely be praying for you. I have had my moments of overwhelming times too. I turn to God and he knows just what to do with it all. Things will get better, I have no doubt. And yes, just keep saying no to drugs :)

Stacy said...

You are too funny! I know this is not what you want to hear when you are sleep deprived, but at least it hasn't affected your humor:) My kiddos are 6 and 8. Things got much better when my daughter (youngest) turned 3...not sure how much longer that is for you. I remember the sleep deprivation, and was super duper cranky about it. I still complain about it and just last week found myself saying "I mean, I love my kids...NOW" awful.
Hang in there! And thanks for making me laugh - you have a killer blog...

Jean Cumbie said...

Sending you some good sleep mojo. Meth is expensive. Alcohol is cheap. Just blitz yourself on Mojitos until you pass out. You'll sleep awesome. Repeat as necessary. ;)

Anonymous said...

Don't try it, overtime it will only make things worse,trust me! Wife & I did it about everyday for 5 years, quit 4 months ago! Lost the happiness we had before. Happy affectionate loving marriage gone, wife lost partial sanity, we both have undiagnosed health problems, and very diffcult depression. Just to name a few bad things, I have no good ones.