Thursday, March 10, 2011

Midnight Cowboy Pimps and Target Dreams

I feel sort of sick.  I've felt sort of sick for the last few days and I'm terrified of it turning into a full blown illness which requires our entire household to shut down operations, or worse and more likely, me to keep functioning as the full-time everything here while sick.  The plight of the sick Mommy.  No fun.
I may be feeling on the verge of grave illness, but Cole is feeling 100% better.  He slept until 9:30 yesterday after crawling in next to me around 5 am and woke up completely better.  Look how sweet we are sleeping together.  OK, I look a little scary but he looks so sweet.


(Alex took this photo without my knowledge because he was moved by how maternal and beautiful I look.  I swear, that's what I heard him say when he mentioned the photo.)

Anyway, I kept waiting for Cole's fever to return, but no sign of it.  Hooray! 

Cole's newfound health meant that he was going to school today and there was going to be able to attend the much anticipated Cowboy Cookout.  I've known about this lunch for about a month now, since Alex has to attend and I have to actively remind him every few days that this event is approaching so he doesn't schedule a meeting with drywall people or something, but for some reason I had decided to completely ignore the idea that dressing up like Cowboys for the Cowboy Cookout might be part of the day.   So, we spent most of yesterday on a ridiculous quest for cowboy apparel.
I do not like costumes.  Actually, I don't mind costumes, I just don't want to have to construct them.  I prefer to purchase entire sets that are made in China and eliminate my need to get creative.  I realize that a cowboy costume is not complicated but I really hate putting a costume together, really.  We have a lot of dress up options here, but unfortunately the closest we came to a cowboy outfit is a tattered plaid shirt from Old Navy or an Indiana costume....which sort of seems like dressing for the wrong team on cowboy day. 

So, my punishment for lack of planning began at Target.  I realize this was probably not a smart place to start the search for cowboy hats, which is basically the sum total of what I figured was required to dress like a cowboy when you are five, but all the same we arrived there first.  Honestly, I know I decided to go there because I have banned myself from Target and the idea of having a legitimate reason to go there was difficult to resist.

(OK, a cowboy hat at Target really isn't a legitimate reason since there are probably a bunch more logical places to try first, but the kids didn't know that and  I really wanted to walk around the wonder that is Target.  I've missed it so.  Can you blame me?)

This may come as a surprise to you all, but Target did not have any cowboy hats.  It was a big shock to me too.  I soothed my disappointment though by purchasing three adorable outfits for Stella and pretending that if she looked pretty, I would look pretty. They weren't selling any $8 outfits in my size yesterday.

The boys were disappointed, but decided to ease their aches by being horrid in the store.  I, perhaps, have unrealistic expectations for my kids in public places. I expect them to sit in the cart and quietly chat with me, or one another, about the things that I am contemplating like should Stella get a green or pink dress?  Am I putting too much pink in her wardrobe?  Is this a legitimate gender issue I should be worried about?  Stuff like that.  I don't care if they agree with me or not, just have an intelligent discussion while I push you in this large cart.  Is that too much to ask?

My boys, on the other hand, want to jump on and off of the cart, chase each other through racks of clothing and listen to me shout idle threats at them about having us leave, when we all know I love Target far too much to make us up and leave before I've had the chance to peruse the ENTIRE store for things I can't live without that are less than $20, but always total to more than $100 at checkout.  I know, I just shouldn't go there....but we needed a cowboy hat, what choice did I really have?

I eventually abandoned Target, leaving with an impressive total of $60 in clothing that Stella actually did need, flip flops that Aiden did need (Cole needed them too, but his feet were too fat for all the flip flops and was devastated about this injustice) and nothing for myself other than a $5 DVD of Where The Red Fern Grows and a dream that my boys will actually care for 10 seconds about watching the classic without complaining that no one is animated.  I totally conquered Target.  I should go back!

After rest time I decided to make a second attempt at cowboy apparel and headed to the much more reasonable Party City.  Party City had an impressive array of cowboy hats, sheriff stars, pretend spurs, holsters, vests, chaps and things I didn't even know cowboys cared about like feather dusters....it's possible this was misplaced from another section, but I'm not sure. The boys were in heaven.  Cole quickly picked out an adorable hat which was perfect for his size.  Aiden, was not so lucky.

I guess today is cowboy day, Texan Day (I hate to think what goes on in school to celebrate this, perhaps a brainwashing that all other states are inferior?,) as well as several elementary hoe downs. (I have no idea how to spell that, but you know what I mean.)  Cowboy hats were a hot item in Central Texas yesterday..  Aiden's options consisted of two VERY large men's size hats, one in black and one in leopard print, a baby cowboy hat that did not push past the crown of his head or a plush, velvet hat in a brownish, purplish, redish color complete with a matching ribbon.  I swear the tag said men's cowboy hat....but perhaps it should have read "Prairie Pimp".

It really is sort of odd looking, but he didn't seem to mind so we purchased the pimp hat and Cole's hat and some small pin on sherrif badges and left to seeek out the widest flip flops to ever exist for Cole's square feet.  We went to Ross.  Nothing.  (Actually there was a chair that I am totally going back for this weekend when I have another $40 because it will make my life complete, but no fat feet flip flops.)  Next was Kohls, adorable flip flops but they were $25 and I'm not spending that on flip flops for a three year old.  Besides, I have to buy that chair to make me feel good, I have to watch my pennies.  I spotted a Rack Room Shoes across the shopping center so we made our way there.

Rack Room Shoes had a bountiful supply of flip flops that would be perfect for my fat footed child.  Score!  Unfortunately there was a little punk kid trying on cowboy boots right next to our selection of flip flops.  I knew I was in trouble.  Freakin kid and his Texas Day celebrations.

Aiden and Cole both begged me to let them just try them on to see how they fit.  I've used that before.  I'm no stranger to trying to woo my parents into purchasing me something because I look so happy and adorable wearing it. (I promise I haven't done this in the last few years.  Ok, maybe months.  Don't judge me.)   I totally know why my parents caved so often. 

 The boys looked so happy.  Unfortunately, Aiden's boots were two sizes too big and that punk kid that started the whole thing had taken the last one in his size.  Aiden was pretty disappointed, but was a good sport about it and was satisfied with a promise to search online for another option, besides he had his velvet cowboy hat....what more could an old time pimp ask for? 

Cole, literally bounced around the store and completely abandoned his day long dream of owning flip flops. He fought me to take them off for his bath and immediately put them on his bed, along with his hat and gun, to sleep with him.  About 30 minutes after I had left their room, I heard Cole talking.  I went to see what was going on and there was Cole in the dark, in his pajamas, boots, gun and hat bouncing with excitement about his cowboy image.  I stripped him of his cowboy stuff and re-tucked him in for the night. ...only to have to come back in another 30 minutes.

This time Cole was still on his bed, but he had put on his hat and boots on again and was in the process of arguing with Aiden about whether or not cowboys used swords or drove cars. Cole was emphatic that all cowboys did both, Aiden was VERY angry at even the idea of these things being uttered aloud and a fight was brewing.

I finally got everyone to sleep around 9, two hours after bedtime.  Who would have thought that my lack of preparation for the Cowboy Cookout could have created so much excitment? At least I got to go to Target again and I finally got to see my oldest son wearing a hat that any old West pimp would have been proud to have on his head.  Even if I am getting sick, it was worth the run around for these costumes.  I'll post a picture of the official outfits worn to school today later.


Oh and  just because I can't resist.  Here is a photo I took of Stella after I busted her with a stolen roll of toilet paper.  Unreal.  She is going to own that "look how cute and happy I am so you should get this for me and never punish me," thing.  I better start stealing myself to her cuteness now. 


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