Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Don't Mess With Me, I Have Issues

I'm not sure what's wrong with me.  (No, that's not a request for brainstorming on the topic to begin.)

I just got back from the gym and I seriously might be asked to leave there soon.  We all know I've had some issues with bladder control while running on the treadmill not too long ago, but now I'm just ridiculous. 

I was running today and apparently was really getting in to "the zone."  (I have no idea what "the zone" is but apparently bad things happen there.)  I was listening to my rap tunes and pushing through my fourth mile when the guy next to me starts "singing" along with me.

Now, this sounds like it could be all cute and Glee-like, but it was really embarrassing.  I was actually rapping to Eminem's Lose Yourself loudly enough to have people joining in like it's a freaking sing along.  What is wrong with me?

I tried to laugh it off and just said something weird like, "guess I'm really losing myself here."  I seriously shouldn't be allowed back in there for that joke alone.  Ridiculous.

What's worse is that I don't know how long I'd been singing loudly. It wasn't a very crowded day at the gym, but there had been an older woman earlier that I thought gave me a dirty look when she left the elliptical in front of me.  What had I been singing to her? As I've said before, my running music can be a little racy.  That poor lady had to probably listen to me sing about "ichin to do drugs," or "shittin' on you with the boom." Yikes.

After my sing along I decided to cool down and head to the locker room to pretend to be a normal person again.  While washing my hands, I casually glanced at the myriad of mirrors surrounding me, only to see that I had, what I hoped was a ring of perspiration in certain lower regions of my body.

Did I pee my pants again?  Is this happening now without me even knowing? Am I just sweating a lot there?  Is that normal?  Should I talk to a doctor?

I was mortified. I attempted to use one of the lower had air blowers to point near my crotch, but it really didn't help and despite it being a rather low hand dryer, it was difficult to get my crotch that close to the dryer. Sorry lady that had to witness that.  I didn't have an extra shirt to tie around my waist this time because it's 80 degrees out and I didn't think I'd be needing clothing to cover my incontinence or my apparently nasty sweating problems.

Dear Lord, there are no words.  So, so, so embarrassing.

I can just imagine that I've become something of a freak show to the people that see me there all the time.  I'm sure they all talk amongst themselves, "have you seen that Mom that pees her pants and sings curse words while running on the treadmill?  I wonder how she takes care of those poor kids?"

I'm not sure I can go back.

When we got home, Stella must have thought that since I'm willing to pee my pants I must not really care about much about what happens to my body so she did this....


And yes, I know it's difficult to comprehend, but I actually do look that fantastic after running 4 miles, peeing my pants and rapping a little Fifty Cent at old women.  I'm gross.

Linking Back to Amanda's Serenity Now-A Mommy's Solution to Staying Sane: Weekend Bloggy Reading


mama speak said...

That's what you get for going to the gym. You're just a walking PSA for why I don't go. ;-)
My second kid has severe reflux. (Had her own GI dr by 6 months. show off) Needless, the state of yourself in that pix was me pretty much 24/7 for a year or so. More than how gross it looked, I would gag at the smell after about 10 mins. I ALWAYS carried a bag w/extra clothes during that time period, for everyone. The really cool part about severe reflux is that pretty much everyone, but the kid is wearing her lunch. Gross, I know. Hope you got a long, hot bath after all that.

Sam said...

I have a great image of you all rapping along together glee style! Don't worry about being embarrassing, just enjoy yourself is what i say!

Leah said...

OHMYGOSH! AMAZINGNESS! Let's be friends, k? Sounds just like something I would do! So horrific for you, but so good for someone like me to know I am not alone!

Amanda @ Serenity Now said...

Oh, my goodness!! That seriously sounds like something I'd see on a sitcom. Thanks for the laugh...although I'm sorry for the trouble you had to endure to write this post. ;)

Thank you so much for joining my Weekend Bloggy Reading party. :) Have fun finding a new blog friend or two, and I hope you'll visit me at Serenity Now again soon! :)