Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Cole's Rough, Rough Day

It was a rough day for Cole.  Sickness mixed with a little bullying, and a splash of confused tragedy made for a lot of unpleasantness.  It's tough to be three....which might be why he keeps saying that he's four. 

Around 11:30 I just received a call from Cole's teacher (actually substitute teacher) saying he was under the table, wouldn't come out, and was complaining that he wasn't feeling well. Cole always has his own way of expressing things. I guess hiding under the table might be smart if you feel horrible and don't want to deal with the world. 

I'm actually noting this as a future go-to maneuver for not wanting to deal with the kids.  I bet if nothing else it would totally confuse them enough to be angels for at least 15 or 20 minutes. 

Every time I have received this call, instead of immediately thinking of my poor sick child, I instantly run through all the things I still had left to do before I was going to have to pick up the kids. It's always disappointing to find out my alone time is cut short.  Today I had planned an exciting trip to JC Penny and I was quite frustrated that it wasn't going to happen. 

Oh and I was really sad for my poor Cole, of course. JC Penny and Cole, both sad.

Cole started this morning off a little odd, but to be honest he starts most mornings off like that so I hadn't thought much about it.  I just assumed that it was going to be another day of Cole life.  After a long morning of me attempting to get Cole to cooperate, without much success, I had us both pretty irritated with the other.

In the van on the way to school, Cole informed me  that he no longer wanted to live with me.  He had plans to hop on his bike immediately after preschool and journey to Grandma and Tractor's house in Indiana where he was going to walk in the woods with Tractor.  He also let me know that he could walk if he got lost on his bike, it didn't matter if he didn't have a map.  Solid plan Cole.

He even had me phone my parents on the way to see if they would have his room ready.  They were, of course, ready to oblige, though Cole was completely confused and a little perturbed by my Mom's and my laughter during the conversation.  My Dad said that he would fly down, buy a bike and make the trip with him.  This only peeked Cole's interest in perhaps flying to Indiana instead of biking....he is pretty smart.

After we got off the phone he immediately told me he was not going to change his mind, ever about leaving our house.  He would feel the same after school and he wouldn't miss any of us.  I was actually very proud of Aiden chiming in to tell Cole that he would miss him and didn't want him to go.  Every so often he stops hitting Cole long enough to be nice.

When I picked Cole up from school I broke the news to Aiden that he had to leave also.  There was no way I was hauling a sick Cole back in an hour and a half to pick up Aiden, just so he didn't miss playground time.  I was pretty sure all kindness to Cole ended there.

Aiden spent the van ride home trying to get to the bottom of how exactly did Cole get sick. Where were the germs? Why did they stick in Cole? Why did Cole always have to get sick and make him miss school?  (Just to clarify, this is the first time I have had to make Aiden leave school early for Cole being ill....Aiden tends to be a bit dramatic.)

At home Cole was a lethargic mess.  His fever was around 103 and he didn't even care about the Diego episodes I turned on for him, a true sign of illness.  He was though, very enthusiastic about being able to finally drink Gatorade (Cole calls this Gatorader and asks for it daily, despite the fact that he has only had it once after puking about six months ago.)

As I was rubbing his feverish head he started telling me how his favorite "friend" at school had told him that no one wearing a red robot shirt could play with him on the playground.  Guess what Cole was wearing....yep, a red robot shirt.  He went on to tell me that there are only four boys in his class and this "friend" said no one else likes him or his robot shirt. 

Note to self:  Burn red robot shirt.  Punch mean kid in face.

My heart broke.  I am crying typing this.  My goodness life is cruel fast.

This isn't the first time that his favorite "friend" has told Cole that he couldn't play with him. The truth is that this little boy is a full year older than Cole, I know he comes from a nice family (ok has a nice Mom,) and is probably just feeling like the big guy on campus and Cole is very much the youngest kid on the playground.  This boy is by no means a bad kid, but oh my goodness I don't want my Cole treated like that.  

I dug deep for the exact perfect thing to say, because I am really spectacular in these big moments (remember how sarcastic I am) and always say the right thing.  I finally decided to go with,"that must have made you feel really sad.  It sounds like he wasn't being very nice to you...".and some other powerful stuff that I'm sure I'll one day read in a bullying pamphlet because they were effective and poetic.

Finally I asked, "Do you ever talk to Ms. Sharon about it?

He looked up at me with tear filled eyes and said, "Ms. Sharon got hit by a car." 

OK, I was totally confused.  What? 

Then I remembered that Cole had a substitute today and I think I heard that his teacher, Ms. Sharon, was out because her dog got hit by a car.  Oh my poor baby felt like crap, had his favorite friend telling him he can't play with him and believed his teacher (whom he loves) got run over by a car.

Tough day for Cole.  Tough day for me.  Tough day for JC Penny not getting me to hit their stores when I was in the mood to purchase.

These are the moments that I really don't ever want Cole to grow up.  I know I am constantly wishing for more time for myself, less urine everywhere, more peace and much less chaos, but Cole is just so amazing and hearing him have such a rough day makes me want to wrap him up in bubble wrap (except for the fact that this would probably suffocate him,) and never let anyone be mean to him again. That could work, right?

I am praying that tonight he is healed of whatever is giving him that ridiculous fever, he feels nothing but love and kindness from us (even if I have to strap Aiden to his bed to make it happen) and he never thinks anyone he loves is hit by a car.  

Maybe we'll have a ceremonial burning of the robot shirt just to make everyone feel better.

Damn robots.


yippiemom said...

Poor little Cole. I am very worried right now and not really for Cole but because I think Cosmo has the same red robot shirt you're talking about...Target, red stripes, white robot??? Ours is going into the Goodwill pile immediately. I cannot have Cosmo ostracized from the playground.

Drillinginfo said...

I think Tristen has that same shirt. We should throw a Red Robot Shirt Parade and they can all wear their robot shirts. That'll show that bully.

The Mommy Therapy said...

That is the exact shirt I am talking about. Target. Adorable, but apparently a direct hit for poking fun. Shoot! We should have some sort of "all the cool people where robot shirts" parade!

Bella Michelle said...

OK, I am laughing now (not because your poor little guy is sick or that his "favorite" friend is a meanie or that you have to burn said red shirt) but this reminds me so much of conversations I have had with my youngest son (who is now 9 and I wish he were little again...though the stories are much more varied now!)

And I know exactly why he thought the teacher was run over by a car and the moment of silence when he broke the news to you that she had, in fact, been run over. All those things combined, indeed, make for a very sucky day.

Loving your blog and so glad I found it.

Happy Weekend. I popped over from Amanda's Weekend Bloggy Reading Party to say hi.

Renee Ann said...

I would totally want to hide under a table after a day like that! I feel so bad for your little guy. Glad he has a caring mom to guide him through those kind of days . . .

Katrina @ They All Call Me Mom said...

Oh, your poor sweet boy! Actually, I feel more sorry for you than him, because I know how it is with us mama bears, never wanting anyone to be mean to our little cubs. My kindergartener got off to a rough start this year in school. Her name is not a popular name, and many of the kids had a hard time getting it right in those first few weeks of school. Her name is Aislynn, pronounced "Ace-lin" and one day during snack time, a snarky little girl leaned over the table and got in my daughter's face and said, "So what IS your name, anyway? Ace-something? Face? Is it Face-lift?" and then all the kids laughed, and they called her "Face Lift" for the rest of the day. My daughter was crushed. Came home crying. She begged me if we could call her Sarah (her middle name) instead of Aislynn. I felt so bad for her! It just about broke my heart. That night I read her the book "Chrysanthemum" -- have you ever read that book? It's such a sweet book about a little girl who gets teased about her name. Anyway, it all worked itself out, and now everyone knows how to say her name correctly, and no one calls her "Face Lift" anymore :)

stopping by from Amanda's blog party :)

Amanda @ Serenity Now said...

Oh, poor Cole and poor you. It is SO hard to watch our kids struggle, especially when it comes to relationships with other kids. I've watched my daughter be the "bully" ("I don't want to sit next to you") and the one who gets her feelings hurt. Sometimes with girls it's even worse. Hope things are looking up for Cole today! :)

Thanks so much for joining my Weekend Bloggy Reading party. Have fun finding a new blog friend or two, and I hope you'll visit Serenity Now again soon. :)

Anonymous said...

I first want to let you know that I am truly sorry that Cole had such a rough day... growing up is not easy. It is also not easy being "grown up" and having to watch our kids get hurt.

I also want to say that my son is not a "mean kid" or a bully. No I am NOT saying what happened is right and he is being punished and did say sorry to Cole. We all make mistakes and hopefully we grow and learn from them. As a mom it also hurts to hear people I don't even know call my son a bully and know a mom wants to punch him in the face. I am sorry for his actions just as he is and I hope you can accept this apology and not look at my son as a mean kid...God made him very special just like your sweet kids and he is a good kid.

The Mommy Therapy said...

Oh my. Oh my. Where do I start. Since reading your comment Anonymous, I have been switching off among tears, tums and thoughtful prayer about how to respond to this. I feel heartbroken that this post hurt you. I truly do.

First, please know that this entire blog is usually written from raw emotion when I am in the middle of something that is on my heart. I do that because I pour out everything I am thinking, unfiltered unfortunately/fortunately and it doesn't always come out pretty and kind, because that is sort of how raw emotion works. I think it's why a lot of people relate to it, I tend to be too honest about my feelings. I often say things no one else wants to hear. I see my baby hurt and I feel angry that he's hurt, I feel frustrated, I feel sad (perhaps how you feel now) but it isn't how I feel after a while,sometimes even a few minutes of processing a situation. So any negativity to your son is only negativity toward the emotions Cole felt, not toward him. I would never put blame on a four year old boy in true life. This is where I dump my emotions and sometimes it isn't pretty, but it's my emtions about whatever is happening, right or wrong.

Of course this little boy is not a mean kid, I in fact said that in the post because it is so very true. He is a little boy. A sweet little four year old boy that is testing things out. I don't even think he deserves punishment for this....maybe a reminder about other's feelings, but the truth is he doesn't even have to like Cole....though I think he really does, but that's how life works. I feel more conflicted about how to teach Cole to respond to any unkind comments, because he gets them ALL THE TIME from his big brother and honestly I want to hurt Aiden sometimes because he makes Cole so sad....but again, he's a five year old trying to figure things out and it's our job as adults to help both sides.

Every kid has to figure out how to be nice and how to use their words. Every kid also has to experience some things they don't like so that they can learn how to stick up for themselves and how to love themselves, regardless of what anyone else says. Just reading that Max Lucado book, You Are Special and it is to very true. All too soon, if not already, Cole will be throwing words around to others that will sometimes hurt their feelings and he'll have another lesson to learn.

Oh I am so sad I hurt you, but know that I know your little boy is not mean, I don't think he is at all. I don't wish him anything but joy and I LOVE that Cole loves him so much because it is so joyful to see him light up about another person because that's what life is all about. It's also nice that he can maybe learn how to handle things when they aren't so great from a four year old friend rather than a truly mean 15 year old trying to beat him years later.

My apologies. My apologies. I hope that made some sense, I tend to ramble and get nervous when I am feeling guilty for hurting someone. Read the 25 things about me, I loathe when my words get me in trouble. This blog is turning more and more into a lesson about that. Some comments I know are from strangers that just don't know me, but this truly breaks my heart.

Anonymous said...

My intentions where not to make you "sick"... Lord knows you have had more than your share of illness lately. They were raw emotions just like yourself, made worse when I read some of the other comments (which I know you have no control) who seemed to be joining the rally against my son - I thought I might need to hire a body guard for him!

I understand and have felt your raw emotions - it basically just took me by surprise to read something about my son. I also understand and appreciate your great sense of humor and I can often relate to your blog and enjoy the laugh :)... expect for this one ;).

Keep the blogs coming.
Wear robot shirts with pride.
And hopefully no more tears for either of us..... or at least until next time when one of our kids is not so nice.

BTW He thinks Cole is "cool"... huge compliment :)