Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Um...Should I be Concerned?

Boy readers beware....I'm about to talk about some very female things.  Ladies, I need some help.

I've been feeling a little uneasy lately.  Here are the facts:

- I stopped nursing Stella about a month ago, more or less. 

- Not too long ago, Alex and I....well, you know.  We were a little (though not entirely) careless....a little something I like to call "After School Special birth control."

- On the joyful journey from Indiana to Texas in the minivan, I felt sick and gross the entire 1100 miles.

- After a meal at the beloved Cracker Barrel, I promptly threw up the entire country home cookin' meal in the Comfort Inn's toilet.

- Nausea continued for a few days....ok, still feel sort of off and have some indigestion issues.

- Feel like I am getting ready to start my period.

- Took pregnancy test almost a week ago....negative. (Received friendly voicemail from friend reminding me that Stella was also a negative test. Damn it Amity!)

What the hell?  I've been pregnant enough times to know that having a baby starting to grow in your uterus feels a whole lot like when you are about to start your beloved monthly cycle....but clearly not often enough to really know. 

I feel like there is no way.  Surely I am just being overly dramatic. 

First, it would be ridiculous.  It was only one time. (Also a famous After School Special line.)  We were sort of careful.  And really, why would God give me another child when I can barely handle the three that I have?  I am just now starting to sleep a little bit.  Surely I won't be robbed of that, right?

I don't want my minivan to be full.  I already feel odd driving it...I don't want to fill it.  I don't want to get huge again and not be able to laugh or cough or sneeze without peeing my pants for months on end. I don't want to stretch my breasts out again, only to have them shrink smaller and saggier than they ever were.  I don't want to wear maternity clothes and have trouble with the simplest of tasks....like wiping.

Seriously, should I be worried?  When does your period come back after nursing?

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