Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Day Two: Tuesday

I can't so much as poop by myself, it is maddening.  It's things like using the restroom by yourself that you never know you are going to miss until after your kids have arrived, and suddenly someone is asking you where your penis went or why I get to use toilet paper if I just peed, that make you wonder how people do this all the time.   Tuesday is a school day though, which means it automatically is a better day.  Twice a week I drop the boys off at school and I get 5 hours of just Stella and me.  It is glorious.  The boys LOVE their school, their teachers, their friends, etc. and I adore the options this time gives me.

Five heavenly hours where the world is more or less mine. I started taking Aiden to Mother's Day Out when he was 10 months old and he has been enrolled in a program ever since.  I took Cole to a program from age 4 months to 8 months just so I could have some time to function each week.  I often hear people say they feel like they should wait until the kids are older and they can get something out of it but I am a huge advocate for what I get out of it.  Whether you have 1 kid or 5 (yikes!) having a 10 hour a week break can do wonders for the joy of Mommy. 

Today I should have just driven home and enjoyed the peace of my house, (I never knew how much I would love being in my own home without my kids,) but instead I went to the mall.  I was desperately seeking the perfect birthday present from my parents, to me.  This is an exhausting task because I am so excited to have some money to spend on me, without any guilt, that I spent hours roaming the mall and contemplating all the different options.  It was ridiculous and made me never want to go to the mall again. Did I say that?

The truth is that I don't need anything, except maybe some more time and they weren't selling that at the Gap today.  There was a strange man named Servino that handed me some make money from home DVD and told me he thought I would be a good candidate for his business.  I could make thousands of dollars from home and still take care of my kids!  No thanks Servino, I'm not cool with your pyramid scheme or even worse cyber sex business while I'm trying to raise my children.  A small part of me did feel pathetically flattered that Servino thought enough of me to stop me.  Maybe I should dig that DVD out of the back of the van?  Thousands of dollars....

Anyway, I don't really need anything.  Though my recent sorting through my winter clothes did reveal that most of my clothes have been purchased at Old Navy or Target and now are showing the signs of Mommy wear and tear.  I had a difficult time finding anything without a stain or at least a small tear in it.  Who am I kidding though, no one cares what I wear.  I spend forever trying to decide what to wear to drop my kids off at preschool because I feel like it is my twice a week opportunity to get dressed and actually be seen by someone.  I have plans to start wearing all my "fun" clothes that I never get an opportunity to put on, just so I can experience wearing them.  Please do not be alarmed if you see me dropping of Aiden and Cole and you think I look like I am heading out clubbing with Stella....I just want to get dressed and be out in the world.  But you should buy me a drink.

As my me time was ending today I was, as always, excited to see the boys and hear about their days.  But also, as always, within 5 minutes driving back to our house I wish that I had more me time.  The fighting between the boys is at an all time high recently, putting me at an all time high for anxiety around my boys.  Cole is a huge whiner and cries at everything these days. Aiden is bossy and argumentative about the most ridiculous things.  He was yelling so forcefully at Cole last night to finish his dinner that I had to pull him aside and ask him if anything was bothering him.  He was nuts about it and it made me a little sad.  I can't handle it.  Today, I immediately put them in separate rooms and went to pee, with Stella in tow of course.  Why can't the joy of the break last longer?  I want that refreshed, kid-free feeling to linger. I want to miss them a little more.  I want another 5 hours. Maybe I should call Servino and get hooked into his money making scheme?  Maybe I should take Stella clubbing after I drop the boys off next week?  Maybe Servino would like to meet us out with his thousands of dollars to spare?  Maybe I need a three day a week program?

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