Friday, November 26, 2010

Day Five: Brotherly Love...Might Kill Me

I adore each of my children individually.  It is so fun to take one of them at a time to do something. Even an ordinary task like the grocery store is fun with just one. (Ok, fun is a little bit of a stretch, but I don't get out much so it's pretty much as good as it gets.)  I can listen to what they are trying to say to me without any interruption.  I can find out what they are thinking without being guided by their sibling.  I feel peaceful when it is just the two of us. 

Unfortuately, individual time is difficult to arrange.  They normally come as a package deal and the boys are driving one another crazy, which makes me nuts.  No, let me rephrase.  It makes me feel like my blood is boiling and I need to scream or punch a pillow or take a shot of Jack Daniels.  It is very, very frustrating for me. They are anything but peaceful to be around together lately.  I think I am going to have to give one of the boys away if I hear another fight over whether or not something like "zork" is a word or whether or not any tree with lights on it can be called a Christmas Tree....that is actually a semi-interesting question (remember my limited social life) but not fun to talk about with Aiden and Cole.

They actually can fight over anything, but Aiden telling Cole that he is wrong, or not doing as Aiden is telling him to do, are the two most common strings of disagreements.  Aiden will ask Cole to stop making any sound because it is breaking his concentration.  (I'm not sure what Aiden is doing that requires so much concentrated brain power, but he is very serious about this being a problem.  Mostly I think Aiden is trying to remember and sing all the words to "American Pie," which he calls, "Make the People Dance.")  When Cole refuses to stop, Aiden will threaten to hit him. Cole doesn't stop.  Aiden hits him. Cole screams. Aiden causally explains that he had warned Cole that he was going to hit him.  (I'm really regretting the spanking thing with Aiden.)  Aiden also just enjoys refuting anything Cole says, which is equally annoying.  If Cole says there are lasers on the building out the car window and Aiden says there are not...fighting.

Aiden wants everything to be orderly and make sense.  He likes to call everything by it's proper name, he likes to know the facts about things so he knows the limits of what everything is capable of doing.  He is logical.  Cole is silly.  He can tell a story for 20 minutes about Batman coming into the manager and punching baby Jesus and then all the ducks told God that they needed help to get their trucks off of the rainbow.  This story would have Aiden practically in tears.  Batman couldn't punch baby Jesus because he lives at Wayne Manor, way after when Jesus was a baby.  Ducks don't talk or drive trucks.  You can't put a truck on a rainbow!!!!  And Cole would be dying laughing the whole time singing a song about the penis pocket on his underpants.

Honestly, Aiden annoys me more than Cole in these situations, which only amplifies my difficulty in handling this well  Cole definitely plays up (fakes) his pain when Aiden hits him and thoroughly enjoys watching how uncomfortable Aiden is when he says something that Aiden doesn't agree with, but he at least keeps us laughing.  I feel so badly for Aiden because he takes everything so seriously.  He can be silly and has a good time with imaginative things, but only in the proper situations and definitely not if he is at all tired.  Cole cracks me up.  Batman and baby Jesus?  Where does he get this stuff? 

I honestly can't handle it anymore.  Intervention is required.  I am really wishing I had made more time in the last two weeks to read the parenting books I just got on how to talk to your kids and sibling rivalry.  I just informed Alex that we are pulling an all-nighter tonight to get through these books.  Each reading one and then relaying to the other what we learned.  He, surprisingly, is not responding to this idea at all.  I'm pretty sure he preferred my frantic request earlier for him to pull the car over during their laser beam fight and beat the crap out of them both.  (We did not actually do this, but we should actually record one of these fights to have as our defense if we actually ever do go crazy and become so mentally unstable that we leave them on the side of the road or something.  I'll try to remember that for tomorrow.)

I don't know know what to say to either of them anymore.  Recently both are going into timeout when a fight occurs and we don't discuss what happened because I am afraid of getting sucked into a debate about whether or not someone could fit through an a/c vent or if Santa could come over for lunch.  I do not want to take part in that because I find myself talking about the dimensions of vents and how small a person with the physical capabilities to maneuver through a vent would need to be.

For now, I guess I will start reading those books.  I read the first two pages of the Sibling Rivalry book while hiding in my bathroom last week and listening to the boys fight over a lego truck.  Believe it or not I did not learn enough in those pages to heal anything in our house.  I periodically try to bring Stella into the mix because they both love to talk to her and every so often the fact that she is the cutest baby to ever live distracts them from their idiocy...but normal they don't care about her and continue their fight while she kicks, giggles and drools around them. Maybe I should start doing that?

I probably should stop typing about how I have no clue how to handle them and go read.  Ok, by tomorrow I will be much smarter on this subject and soon I will probably be able to cease their fighting with a simple hand gesture, or a building laser, or a midget that fits in an a/c vent.  Ok, clearly I need the book.  Let me know if you want to talk about whether or not any tree with lights is a Christmas tree...or take me out to do something fun so I don't think that this question sounds interesting anymore.

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