Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I'm Tired, and Sick of Bitching About It. But...

I am exhausted.  I should have gone to sleep shortly after my kids but I can't stop thinking about how tired I am and about all the things I want to do and need to do this week.  I'm actually worried about how tired I am going to be tomorrow and have basically decided I'm not going to be able to do anything. (Yes, I realize this is irrational. Yes, I also realize the saying, "whether you think you can or think you can't, you are right," applies here. I figure I score mental health points though for realizing I am being irrational, it's one of my best qualities...I'm crazy a lot, but I always know it.) I'm so tired of being tired. It is painful.

Being a Mom almost always includes some form of exhaustion.  When my boys were babies the sleepless nights for all of us became unbearable.  I'll never know if I was so emotional and sad because of the hormones, the life changes or simply because I couldn't get any sleep.  I'm going to guess it was a combination of all of these things, but I do know that nothing changed my mood like getting a solid 6 hours straight of sleep. The few times I got 8 or 9...I seriously could have conquered the world...but let's be honest, I only accomplished routine tasks in a decent mood, but it was huge.  Stella was an amazing newborn sleeper, but now that she is 4 months the pacifier falls out about 5 or 6 times a night and she wakes me up to let me know.  Oh the pain.

The past few days have been more brutal than most, primarily because our entire family got sick.  Stella started it all at the beginning of last week by puking all over me in the pediatrician's office.  I had just finished nursing her for comfort after I had to hold her down for the nurse to stab her with four vaccines, (I can't even talk about the guilt over that right now,) when she began vomiting all over me.  Literally all over me.  I was smart enough to turn her around so the majority of the vomit landed on floor and desk of the nice woman that offered me her office for nursing privacy...thank you and sorry! She maintained a generally grumpy disposition for the rest of the week and was particularly sneaky with the irregularity of her vomiting.  She puked twice that day, none the next and then once in the middle of the night a few days later. This was a very strategic surprise ambush that caught me completely off guard, even made me question her current status as favorite child. (Yes, I said it Mom.  Stella is my favorite right now because even though she interrupts my sleep she never complains about the food I give her, what show is on TV, who's taking her toy and she has yet to show the slightest sign of a tantrum. She's fantastic.)

Cole was next with the vomiting, also all over me. Then Aiden started, gaining favorite child points by puking in the bowl I put next to him and even feeling a little upset when he got some on his bed.  Thank you for your care Aiden!  No big surprise that after 2/3 of my children threw up on me, I was also sick.  I also had fever, chills, a headache....and a lot of other people to take care of at the same time. 

When you are sick as a Mom, it really doesn't change much, you just feel extra crappy while doing all your normal stuff.  I still did the 50 loads of puke laundry.  I still got up in the middle of the night for that pacifier placement, nursing and to use the bathroom twice...seriously need to talk to someone about my bladder control.  Alex did stay home and help with all of us but it was pretty weak.  (Thank God he is so attractive.)  He doesn't know where anything is.  He might need medical intervention for this problem because he can't find things to save his life.  He isn't quite sure how the routine goes.  The kids still want to talk to me about everything they think, feel or need.  Alex has to take 20 work calls during the day to discuss "things." I couldn't have done it without him....but it really would have been nice if I could just get another me.  Is science working on that or what?

The real kicker was the next day when Alex got sick and I was feeling a little better. Notice I said a little better, not fully recovered.  I resumed full-time Mom mode and Alex took on the full-time sick person role.  He was much better at that than I was.  What is the deal men?  He laid down and rested. I brought him Tylenol and water. I tried to keep the kids away.  He shivered and moaned from his fever and aches.  It made me want to barf because I was honestly jealous of his recovery.  I could never do that.  That night I slept in Stella's room to give him some peace and the next morning at 9 am, when he was still sleeping, I wanted to go in and poke him in the leg....but I am much too mature for that so I just told the boys to go see what Daddy was doing.  Oops.  See, I am mean when I don't get enough rest.  He really was trying, I love him desperately and he really is super amazing, he's just....well, I think he's just a man.

Even the day after everyone felt better we were all still pretty wiped out.  I still feel exhausted.  I still feel jealous every time I see Alex asleep next to me in our bed while I go off to tend to the middle of the night functions of being a Mom.  I am tired of being tired.  I hate complaining about something with no attempt to resolve the problem, so I plan to work out some sort of action plan for recovery tomorrow.  For now though, I just want a little sympathy for my exhaustion and someone to get that damn pacifier to stay in Stella's mouth so that she doesn't lose her favorite child status. 

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

You sound like you are in an unhappy marriage and dislike your children. You do not sound thankful for the gifts you have. You are lucky but you do not realize it.

Anonymous said...

You obviously missed the part about her loving her husband desperately and just needing some extra rest. From a mom who has been there, it is better to voice your frustrations than bottle it up.

Anonymous said...

Do not get me wrong...I am a mother of more children than this lady and have a husband myself. I understand the trials of being a wife and mother. I think I have been through a lot in my life, so what I read here seems pretty minor. Basically, all parents go through these things and we all get frustrated every once in awhile. What I really see when I read these posts:
1)A woman that is trying to tell her husband all of his wrongs indirectly rather than speaking face to face about them. If you want to complain about your husband, it is probably best to do it in the presence of some really close friends rather than on a site where everyone can read your complaints about your spouse including your spouse.
2)A woman that abuses sarcasm to the point that it is kind of mean
3)Lack of understanding that there are people out there that are going through these things IN ADDITION to many other truly awful things such as death, alcoholism, poverty, religious persecution, spousal abuse, lack of liberty and freedoms...Her life sounds like a piece of cake to me.

Ever heard of the beatitudes? Look for the positive in anything that could be seen as potentially negative. We do not get to relive the days we have here, so why not enjoy them while we have them.

Anonymous said...

1) It sounds like she has a very honest relationship with her husband. She is able to publicly discuss the underlying feelings every wife has at some point.
2) In my view, er sarcasm is hilarious and a great way to laugh at some of the frustrating times in motherhood.
3) Discussing your daily life does not belittle larger world issues; just talks on a level that most of us can relate.

Alyssa Smith said...

I'm going to go against the trend and not post anonymously.
I've known Leslie for 10 years. If you don't know her, you really can't criticize her life. Sure can make observations on her blog and compare her life to yours, but you don't know her.
She is a wonderful, caring mother who just happens to have a sarcastic side. She is letting her frustration out via this blog. Her posts have made me want to start a blog just so I could vent about my husband and kids!
Please reconsider the next time you post anonymously on someone's blog, especially when you don't know the blogger. This is a real person and your comments can hurt.

Leslie said...

Oh wow. Valid points made by all. I have a difficult time not saying anything, though I know that's what I should do. There is nothing in these blogs that I don't say to my husband. I am honest, perhaps too honest by nature so he's heard it all and believe it or not, loves me. I am sarcastic and sometimes it's funny, sometimes it isn't, I never intend to be mean. I know that most people on this planet are not as fortunate as I am. I have a fantastic life, no doubt. But no one should ever diminish or dismiss anyone's frustrations or troubles because they aren't as bad as someone else's. That's just a good practice for life in general. To be clear, I don't sit and wallow about my life being hard...I write it out and it's gone. Thank goodness I do.

Katy said...

Thick skin Leslie. You know who you are and do not need to justify that to anyone.

Anonymous said...

I have had some time to think about this, and Alyssa and Anonymous are probably right.
I sure hope Leslie feels she still has an outlet for her frustrations without worrying about how it will be perceived by others.

blairtx said...

Dear anonymous blogger, I wish you knew Leslie personally. She is not in need of studying Beautitudes, well we all are, but Leslie is madly in love with her husband and adores her children, she is also realistic and a bit sarcastic :) I am sorry for the impression you got when reading her blog, but you really shouldn't judge her.
Tawnya

Shannon R said...

I am so happy to hear that my husband is not the only one who behaves like this when he is sick! Thanks for the great perspective and laughs!

Anonymous said...

Hahaha...this is funny. I looked at one or two comments and well some people don't understand your humor. Any woman that has a sick household and pretends that its the most amazing thing ever...well I want whatever she is taking ;-)

Megan said...

I just discovered your blog today, thanks to a friend of mine. After reading the post by anonymous, I absolutely had to respond. Anonymous, I honestly cannot believe you wrote that. As a stay at home mother of just ONE, I am dying reading these postings because they ring so true to me. These feelings are all feelings of how I've felt, and what I think, but I've just never said. I honestly think they are how most moms feel! If you don't like it, you don't have to read it, but how dare you say the author sounds like she dislikes her children and husband?!

Anonymous said...

OMG I just read your post, laughed hilariously, nodded tones of time just to say to myself "yap... been there, done that, felt the same as she did" and now reading about it on someone else's post makes me realize I'm not alone. THANK YOU FOR YOUR HONESTY AND HUMOUR :o)

Prudently Painted Vintage said...

This post made me laugh several times! Thanks!

By the way there is a new Blog called favorite hate mail. You should totally submit the rude comment to it. They would definitely do a post on it.

Mohsader Said said...

I think you have to happy with your babies ( gifts ), see what happened in Dr Gosal's Blog ( Google it! )