Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Minivan? Yes Please!

It's official, I am a suburban housewife with three kids and currently in the market for a minivan. Oh the minivan.  It feels like one more item on the Mom list I will be checking off to fully complete the transition from fully functioning Woman Leslie to Mom Leslie. Inability to sleep through the night, check.  Skills at multitasking that should merit a fantastic paycheck, but really I don't get paid, check.  Breaking up fights over ridiculous things like imaginary keys or who gets to lick their sister's head (yep, disgusting and true), check.  Leaking boobs, check.  Minivan....almost check.

I hate saying the word minivan.  It feels like I should be talking about someone with no personality, no imagination, no style.  Certainly not me, right?  Just say yes.  Don't even start telling me how awesome they are, how much you love yours, and how how I'll never look back.... I already know these things.   It doesn't change the fact that 10 years ago I moved to Austin as a woman, bought a brand new Jeep Wrangler, started dating a hot Greek guy, worked at Hula Hut and confidently wore VERY short shorts.  Now I'm fully a Mom, desperately drooling over features like built in sun shades and doors that open and shut with a button, spend way too much time dealing with poop, and now loathe the thought of shorts for fear of a glimpse at the cottage cheese on my upper thigh.  Oh, I still have that hot Greek guy though, thank God....he might buy me a minivan.

Any mention of this potential purchase to a friend without a minivan is usually met with a joke, but there is no one better at selling a minivan than those that already have one.  Every time I mention the potential purchase, and my hesitancy, to someone that owns one I am immediately assaulted by a long (and sometimes very defensive) list of the amazing ways this vehicle is going to change my life.  Believe me, I'm counting on it changing my life, but I'd still rather be able to buy some fun car than drive a minivan.  The fact is, there isn't anything that makes more sense to drive when you have more than two kids.  If only I could fit all three kids into that fun Mini Cooper or even the sporty Jetta Wagon. 

I looked around and desperately tried to find something else that would work.  I looked at the station wagons, the fancy SUVs and the giant Suburban, but the truth is that the minivan was built specifically for my current place in life.  The gas mileage is good.  The drive is super comfortable.  And the real kicker about the minivan....some car company sat down with a bunch of people that have my exact life and figured out exactly what I would need to make the drive from home to the grocery store or home to Grandma's easy.  They totally succeed.  Everything is in an appropriate place.  There is space for my giant diaper bag and my 10 random cups,  a special mirror to look at my children as they attack one another in the back,  and doors that slide rather than opening out and cause me to write another apology note to a stranger with an "I tip my stripper" bumper sticker on their car because we dented their door. I really don't want that person to have my contact information, I must have doors that slide.  Right?

The truth is that I realize that I am not defined by what I drive, and that what I take to the grocery store is really not that important....but it is. Somehow no amount of "swagger wagon" videos I watch are going to make me feel like this isn't another step in my Mom life that, though necessary, still feels a little awkward right now.  I am crazy excited about getting my minivan, whenever I can make that happen, but it doesn't mean that I won't feel a little sad about potentially losing a little more of what I perceive to be Woman Leslie.  You can fully count on a post-purchase blog entry about how much happier Mom Leslie is though about not having to drive while Aiden and Cole attack one another....which will surely mean I'll have a little more energy to make Woman Leslie happy too. 
 

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