Alex has something big going on today. He has a challenge. He has been working his brain to figure out how to intelligently put together information for other intelligent adults. There will be discussions, witty conversation (possibly,) and maybe even cocktails, (probably not, but in my vision everyone is drinking a martini during the meeting like a scene straight out of Mad Men.) He is showered and dressed and looks oh so very attractive at 7 am. He really is very attractive, I should have married down to help my self esteem. He filled his cool coffee thermos (yes, even feeling envious of his beverage container) that he will drink while driving and not think for a moment about how he is going to reach to replace a lost pacifier, hand someone a tissue, or break up a fight. He walked out the door, casually denying my handmade lunch with a comment of, "everyone will probably going out to lunch after the meeting." He gets to dine out too!?!? I felt like throwing his turkey, havarti and spinach at his nicely combed hair. Ugh.
This big day for him felt like a punch in my stomach. I felt like such a stark contrast to everything about him as I stood in mismatched clothes, with a leaking milk stain on my breast, trying to evenly pour bowls of honey combs so as to not ignite a catastrphoic fight between our boys, knowing that this distribution of processed food might be as much of a mental workout as I get today. I might have to match some straws to sippy cups, which is a ridiculously difficult task, but otherwise I'm stuck making peanut butter sandwhiches, trying to figure out how to keep Cole from violently biting Aiden, and worrying about the flatness of my baby's head. Dear Lord, please don't make me get a helmet for my daughter.
My feelings of inadequacy were only amplified by the fact that this morning I sat down with a cup of coffee to look at my latest issue of InStyle magazine. (This is not normal, but since the dog barking woke me up I actually had a few moments of peace. It was truly only a few minutes.) As much as I loved the styles and beautiful hair and makeup of the women, I was most envious of their look of purpose. They all looked like they were on their way to a vital meeting about their new line of clothing or at least a high profile cocaine deal....I was so jealous. Yes, I know that I have purpose, a huge purpose, but for today I would really love for mine to involve more high level strategizing and less poop. I don't want to color birthday thank you's to teach my 3 year old gratitude for the generous gifts he was given for his birthday. I don't want to pretend that my kitchen pantry is a grocery store so that the boys can sell me back my own canned goods...though this is pretty cute when it doesn't start a fight over a can of baking powder. I don't want to search for an hour and a half for the Robin figure (which Cole calls Roger) so that he can help Batman fight a fire, because that's not even really what Batman and Roger were created to help with, they do crime, not arson. But, I will.
I know Alex would love to be here instead of in a meeting, (most of the time.) I also know that I should probably be cherishing these days instead of loathing so many of them for their drain on my mental and emotional state since they will be over far too soon. For this morning though, I'm maintaing my position that Alex should have a turkey sandwhich thrown at him merely for the fact that he doesn't have to go orchestrate a peace treaty for the huge battle currently in progress over a fake piece of broccoli. Just another important task in my high profile career.