Friday, March 19, 2010


I am in one of those moods that makes me feel like I don't even want to be around myself. I feel like my mother when I was growing up if she was trying to clean the house or make dinner and she didn't want to be doing it. If she was pissed about doing these tasks there were slamming cabinets and speaking shortly about lack of help or how hard things were for her. I hated those moments. I didn't want to be that. If making dinner sucked so much, don't make it. (I understand a little now why it wasn't quite that simple, but really I am healthy enough to know that it kind of is that easy.) I promised myself I would be a diligent example of a grateful spirit. Uh-oh.

Here we are...I am pissed at everyone that lives with me, including the dog, and I can not get my head around talking myself out of it...which is definitely what I should be doing. I should be taking a moment and going for a walk or locking myself in my room (if I didn't have a see through door which reads "Silver Saddle Hotel and Bath House." Why did we buy this house again?) and I should be praying and centering myself back to calm. I truly believe you can choose to be happy or choose to be sad but when I feel this annoyed at everything I honestly don't know why I ever say that crap.

My current frustrations are with two members of my family. For right now, I would like to find fault with them in an effort to make myself feel better. I am super mature.


Cole's sleep is jacked up. I feel like this has been a problem for about 2 years (yes, he is 2 years old.) I don't understand why he can't just go to bed at bedtime, sleep all night and then wake up when he feels good in the morning. Doesn't that just seem reasonable? Instead he usually goes to bed without too much trouble, wakes up a few times at night and then wakes up crazy early and overtired with a list of demands...juice, tv shows, daddy, whatever. He also refuses to nap lately which just amplifies his problems. He is overtired all day and the slightest refusal of his wish, despite how unreasonable it is (popsicles for lunch) he melts into screams which can last anywhere from 10 minutes-2 hours. (Please do not send me emails of suggestions of how to solve this problem. It might make me cry.)

He keep handing me his dried boogers. Normal, yes. Still annoying.

Ask him to pick up his mess? Oh boy, brace yourself. He spent two hours crying next to a pile of puzzle pieces a few weeks ago, missing out on treats and trips to play with neighbor children while I waited for him to pick them up. He would have nothing to do with it. If only I were less inclined to teach my kids lessons about not getting their way or cleaning up after themselves, we would have a lot less tears and I would get stuff done so much faster. Why I am I cursed by being such a good Mom?

This week he has started a very annoying obsession with Daddy that manifests itself anytime he wakes up or is being reprimanded for something. Yesterday he actually tried to engage me in a fight about whether or not Daddy said he had to stay in his room at rest time. Yes, I realize I shouldn't have even said, "no, Daddy didn't say that." But come on! I spanked Cole for riding into the street while I wasn't there yesterday (oh yes, a car was right there and thankfully stopped) and he immediately told me Daddy didn't want me to do that. He also later told Daddy that I spanked him for not getting into the bath and something about a donkey but that's another story. He is just all about Daddy. Which leads us to.....

My husband

I love my husband and anyone related to him can skip this if you feel he is undeserving of any negative commentary...

A few weeks ago we agreed that Alex would try to come home for at least one meal a day, even if it means having breakfast together before he leaves for work, on the majority of the days in the week. 90% of the time he isn't home in time for bedtime unless he comes in for a quick kiss while being tucked in, much less a family meal together. This leaves me with two boys desperate for time with their Dad and me feeling exhausted from a day of "doing it all." For the sake of this argument in my head we are going to say that Daddy is out enjoying time with other adults and lunching with people instead of reality which I know is more like annoying sales situations and a crazy homeowner that hasn't unpacked the moving boxes in her house for over a year now and calls Alex to yell all sorts of expletives about things like discolored carpet and someone nicking her paint. (She really is disturbing but really entertaining. Some of her voicemail messages to Alex are so passionately full of anger about all things related to her house I feel she should be studied. I should thank her for making me look slightly less crazy in Alex's eyes.) Still, just come home periodically for a meal with your kids, fake some balance in our life and get off your cell phone! Wow, I am feeling a little better.

Alex also has a very bad habit of always being a good guy to the kids. I try to only honor semi-resonable requests in an effort to make them more enjoyable to be around someday. Again, the curse of the good Mom. Daddy often swoops in and immediately agrees to all sorts of unreasonable things.

"Sure, we can play catch for a while even though bedtime was 30 minutes ago."
"Oh, you don't like this Lightning McQueen cup full of juice? Let me pour it into a more suitable Cars cup selection for you."
"You're ready to get out of bed? Well, I slept all night and don't have to deal with you all day so I'll get you a little juice (poured by Mommy the night before) and turn on any show you request, no problem."

Good Lord. Why isn't he this nice to me? I have a few unreasonable requests I would like to make too.

There has also been a resurgence of the, "you are so lucky to have Alex," comments that have haunted me since we were married 7 years ago. This doesn't sound like a bad thing, and I realize it is through no fault of his own, but because I am annoyed it has become his fault today. An irrational number of people have a tendency to say this comment to me followed by a list of how hard working he is (agreed,) how sweet he is (pretty much agreed,) and the attractive he is (totally agree, he's hot, no question and I do appreciate this.) All of these are great but when said to me frequently they have the tendency to be phrased more like, "how in the hell did you ever get him to marry you? You don't seem nearly worthy of him." My own mother has her own way to hinting around to this same conclusion. (Alex has a particular magical power over any woman over 50 and most gay men.)

I usually laugh off these comments but 30 weeks pregnant and feeling overworked (I have been sitting at my kichen table for the last 2 hours feeling sorry for myself so clearly this is true) makes my reaction to these types of comments very negative. I want to run inside and make a list of his faults. I want to start a petition of people that actual find me attractive too so that I can prove I'm in demand also. (This might be tough with the pregnancy thing but I'm sure someone out there thinks chicks with huge bellies are hot?) I want to start dropping random white lies that imply his appearance of perfection as a husband and father might actually be tainted with something negative, like an obsession to online poker or Internet porn. I do not actually say any of these things and Alex actually is pretty awesome so I would have to make stuff up to shock his followers, but come on! Just brace yourself for my reaction if you ever tell me I'm "lucky" to be married to him.

As for Aiden and the dog.....well, both have just their normal level of annoyance but I'll complain about them quickly just to keep things fair amongst everyone in the family. Aiden is relentless in his effort to direct everything his brother does, which creates all sorts of problems. He has also developed a teenager type response to several requests lately which is either, "I KNOW!" or "FINE!" It's awesome. Soon I expect he will emerge from his room showing me his tatoo, smoking and neglecting to introduce me to the unsavory girl with him.

The dog, well Indiana smells and barks too loudly. That's the best I can do for Indiana. He is pretty amazing and he never complains about the food I give him or my plans for the day. All he wants is a little love periodically and to go outside and poop, he doesn't even yell at me to come take care of things when he finishes which makes him extra amazing.

For true balance I should probably list some of my current annoyances with myself, but I think the fact that I am writing about how annoying my family is could be evidence of how annoying I am right now. Also, let's all keep in mind how annoying it is that I'm such an great Mom.

Ok, I feel better just for getting this out. I hate this funk I feel when things are not going well for a few days. I hate acting like I have it so badly when I know I have an amazing situation. I never want my kids to think it's ok to pout and be unkind to your loved ones (or anyone else) because you are in a bad mood, but I'm just going to have to keep on working on it because on a day like today that is exactly the example I have been giving them. Seriously though, it takes some serious work to be nice to someone complaining to you because you put their ketchup in the wrong spot on the plate, right?

Ugh....where is my copy of "Eat, Pray, Love?" I need some healing.


Theresa said...

Your blog always makes me feel better. I am staying at home with my first (2 months old) and am dying to return to work. I feel guilty that I do not "appreciate" having the luxury not to work and/or just enjoying the time with my girl, but sometimes it is just overwhelming. I CANNOT IMAGINE two, let alone three. I have the same issues with my husband, works too hard, super nice, etc...what an ass%$#e ;).

Keep writing. It always makes me laugh and I would totally watch your reality show--you should call bravo.

lehaehl said...

Les - Your blog makes me feel better, too. Really, I do NOT know how you do it. How you can stay sane and not through fits. I remember my mom completely freaking right out from time to time and I get why, but it doesn't help anything, right? I always vowed I would never become her which may be why I have evolved from dying for kids to - do I ever really want them? I am not so sure! I practice patience daily with my students. But they are older so they react well to my complete silence (as opposed to raising my voice which is what I did at first). Keep your posts coming!