Thursday, August 7, 2008

My positive Attitude

About two or three months ago I made a concious decision that I was going to be happy. I truly believe I needed to just made a definitive change in my mindset about life. I was so sick of being angry all the time about everything...constant questions for juice or to fix a car, every journey out of my house taking an hour of preparation to walk out the door, and the lack of any true moments to myself. It was really getting to me and I constantly felt that I was wishing I was someone else, somewhere else and something else.

One day I was sick of feeling like I was going to explode with dissatisfaction and anger so I changed my mind. I decided I was going to be grateful that I get to stay home and see the amazing process of my children growing and learning. I was going to be grateful that I have a home, food, and a husband that loves me and our family so much that he works very hard to provide these things to us all.

It worked. I felt happy most of the time and I could talk myself out of most of my gloomy moments. I periodically would indulge in some bitching about someone pooping on the floor or someone screaming at me in public but even that was just a healthy release. I felt present in my life and it was amazing.

Then yesterday happened...after a week of a sick baby, a tantrum throwing 2 year old, and too many discussions to count about how we were going to financially make it through this down-turn in the housing market, some motherf*#$%* broke into my car while I was playing in the park with my kids. I can not express in words my anger at this situation. I would have to be punching someone to show you how I felt when I saw all the glass shattered in my 2 year old's car seat. Pure rage.

The only thing stolen was a pair of sunglasses which I am sure the theif will be disappointed to realize are from Target. Damm Isacc Mizrahi for making them look close to the high end version! The kicker is that because I drive a stupid Lexus I can't just get a window replacement from anywhere but now have to pay $570 for a window. Stupid materialistic and image-driven America infiltrating my thoughts to make me think I'll be happier if I had brand name possesions. I'm never reading US Weekly again! (Except at doctor's office's because really what else is there?)

I have spiraled into an angry state again and can not seem to talk myself out of it. I feel I am getting screwed and the feelings of self pity are disgusting. I know this will soon pass and I will feel good again but right now I want to find the person that did this and shove my imitation designer sunglasses up their butt. I have all sorts of irrational and mean thoughts going through my head about the person that did this. I imagine a punk kid on a bike looking for something he could sell to buy weed.

I actually returned to "the scene of the crime" this morning to look around for my glasses. I thought maybe they might have thrown them and then I could turn them into the police to dust for fingerprints.... I brought a hankerchief and plastic baggie to maintain the quality of the evidence. What the hell am I doing?

Whoever you are out there with my Isac Mizrahi glasses, I hope someday you'll have some break through and realize your evil ways...or at least that you cut your hand on all the glass while smashing my window.

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