Thursday, July 31, 2008

Lies I Tell My Pediatrician

My baby has an upcoming pediatrician appointment and already I am trying to think through all the things I will need to lie about. I have lied about having activated charcoal in our house for the last two years. I greatly reduce the amount of juice I give my child when discussing it with the doctor. I also could not bring myself to admit that I had not started brushing the one tooth that had just appeared in my baby's mouth.

The lies started very early for me. I think the number one thing I heard about taking care of my infant was to be sure to put them to sleep on their back. Even the sleep sack I had purchased had "Back to Sleep" embrodiered on the chest so as to remind me while laying the baby in the crib. That sounds like a very safe and fantastic plan except for the fact that my kids didn't sleep on their backs, sleep only came on their stomachs. I could be very confident about this while talking to other moms or while chatting with family members, but if the pediatrician or one of the Nazi nurses mentioned it I froze and immediately lied.

I can not count the number of compliments I have received on the round heads my babies have had. I am always quick with the lie of, "really believing in tummy time during the day," ....because I am a really good Mom and I know babies need tummy time.

I also have found myself lying when I call the doctor's office to ask about something slightly off with my child like a strange rash, strange poop, strange spit-up, etc. After a few of these phone calls one quickly learns that the question about temperature will come up. I do not take my child's temperature unless he feels like he could have a fever. I do realize that every medical professional and every book I have ever read about this states that you can not rely on feeling the baby's forehead to determine a temperature...but I really think that I can....did I mention that I am a really good Mom? I also firmly believe that I should not have to stick anything up my baby's butt unless there are truly no other options.

So, every time I talk to the doctor's office about one of these problems I lie and say, "yes, I took the temperature rectally and there is no fever."

Lies planned for the next visit include....

1. The 'taken infant CPR lie' (please pray I am not asked any details about compressions and breaths).

2. The 'I have not feed my 11 month old any of the food on the danger list such as peanut butter, eggs, honey, etc. lie'.

3. The 'I am waiting until the baby turns one to turn his car seat around lie.'

Wish me luck.

1 comment:

son cho said...

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